


December

by DaniJayNel



Series: 100 YumiKuri Stories [25]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Drama, F/F, Sad Ending, Songfic, Tragedy, dark themes, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-13 14:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Let's try to remember these days back in December. Our lives were very different and I was lonely when we first met. You don't have to cover up how you feel when you're in love. I'll always know I'm not enough to even make you think. Please slow down girl, we're moving way too fast for their world."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one-shot based on the song “December” by Hawthorne Heights, but I got so inspired and the idea itself is too large and meaningful, that this has turned into a multi chapter story. Give the song a listen to get a feel for the story. Also, I can’t promise quick updates. This story literally just happened. I hope you all enjoy it.

In the night sky stars twinkled gently together with the moon glowing proudly to the side. Soft, scarce white puffs of clouds floated along the gentle breeze that carried them through the skies, to higher places and further lands. Crickets hummed all together, creating a buzz that echoed in the background of the silence. To the front frogs croaked and splashed softly as they swam about in the dam water, finding food and existing in mere ignorant peace. Besides the sound of the gentle lapping water, the brush of grass and branches as they swayed with the breeze and the various small animals, there was nothing but solemn silence.

Alone, leaning back, sat a figure on a bench close to the dam. Her hands were clasped around an object resting on her lap, her head hanging back, eyes staring off into nothing but pointing at the sky.

Ymir gripped the bottle of vodka tightly in her hands, listening to the clear liquid splosh inside when she jostled the bottle. Her throat tightened, feeling scratchy and dry, pleading for any form of liquid to quench her thirst. Her chest tightened in turn.

Ymir lifted her head and sat up straight. She let her head bow down, unable to conjure the strength to keep it up. She could hardly walk with her head raised these days, not after everything that had happened.

Had it really been four weeks already?

Felt like more. Felt like four years, or more. Ymir remembered everything crisply, as if it was all still happening around her.

_“We can find a way, there’s always a way Ymir!”_

The voice rang in her ears and for a second Ymir’s eyes widened and her heart sped up. Her head shot up and she glanced around her, at where the sound had come from, only to realize that it was all in her head and it was far too late for there to possibly be another person here. Especially not her…

Ymir returned to her earlier defeated position and continued to stare desperately at the bottle. It would relieve the burn in her chest by creating a burn in her stomach. A pleasant burn, one that would singe away at the troubles of her mind and the damn fucking ache of her heart.

Four damn weeks, Ymir thought. Four weeks since I fell back into this shitty routine; waking up hating the world, slipping through work and ignoring people. Before December, before it all went to hell right after ascending to heaven, Ymir would have cussed at or even punched a number of people before the working day was even over.

Now? She simply withdrew into herself, cold, numb and alone. When people spoke to her, she hardly heard it. If someone bumped into her, she didn’t feel it. Those normally swearing to her face because of their hatred for her received not even a blink of recognition as they insulted her existence. People had even stopped trying to antagonize her, because she just wasn’t there.

Stuck in her own self-inflicted coma, she thought.

It was all because of that day, the day she met someone too good for her. The day she gained her happiness back and unknowingly signed it off for the future.

It had been an early Saturday morning during the beginning of December. Ymir was sitting on the very same bench she sat on now; the only difference was that she had a cigarette held between her lips and a can of beer in her hand. She stared emotionlessly at the shimmering body of water in front of her, not really seeing the ducks waddling around and quacking to their hearts content. She barely even noticed the people walking by either.

Her chest felt empty. Ymir’s brown eyes bore no emotion. She simply sat there like she did every morning before going to a job she hated and dealing with people she would rather stab in the face. She puffed on the cigarette and blew a long string of smoke out into the air, watching in boredom as the string spiralled up into the sky due to a breeze and then dissipated into nothing.

Sometimes, life held no meaning.

Until someone came by and gave her meaning.

“I-is this seat taken?” a timid voice spoke up beside her.

Ymir ignored it at first, surprised that she had actually heard it, but then the girl spoke up again.

“U-um, excuse me?”

Finally she turned her head, her cigarette now between her fingers so that she could reach out and tap the line of ash off before it fell onto her clothes. “No.” she said simply, deciding not to reply with a ‘does it look taken to you?’

“Thank you!” the girl replied cheerfully and flashed a dazzling smile. She sat down beside Ymir and pulled her bag onto her lap, and then she retrieved a book, placed her bag onto the bench beside her and opened the book up. Silently she began to read, leaving Ymir relieved that she wouldn’t try to initiate pointless conversation.

Meanwhile the brunette continued to puff and blow, watching the smoke ascend. Between each exhale of poisonous smoke she lifted the can of beer to her lips and gulped a large amount down, swallowing loudly as she did. When she lowered the can a drop escaped and dribbled down her chin, but she quickly wiped it away with her shirt sleeve and then returned to enjoying her smoke and staring out at the ducks.

Her earlier relief only lasted for about 20 minutes, because the girl eventually sighed softly and shut her book. “It isn’t healthy to drink so early, you know.” she spoke up as softly as she had earlier.

Instead of ignoring her Ymir dropped her smoke onto the floor, killed it with the heel of her shoe and then leaned back and snorted. “Mind your own damn business, kid. It’s not nice to be rude so early either.”

The girl quickly waved her hands in panic, assuming a guilty expression. “Oh no, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to offend.”

“Mm.” Ymir took another long sip and supressed a sigh. So what if the kid was right? It’s not like she had any reason not to get wasted in the morning, other than work. Her boss hated her anyway and he hadn’t fired her yet, so she didn’t give a shit about showing up at work piss drunk. This was her first beer though, so it would take a lot more for her to even feel a buzz.

“Beautiful,” the girl mumbled loud enough for Ymir to hear.

“Huh?” Ymir asked after another satisfying gulp.

The girl blushed bright and red and clenched her hands together in her lap, a sign of nervousness. “I meant the view. It’s beautiful. The sky is blue, the water is clear and calm, and the ducks are peaceful. It puts my heart at ease.”

Ymir raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You must be simple minded to feel eased with only this.” she commented.

The girl turned to her, soft understanding in her eyes. It unnerved Ymir when she looked to the side and met that gaze.

“Don’t you think it’s beautiful?” she asked, her eyes not leaving Ymir’s face.

Ymir quickly looked away, clearly uncomfortable, but the blonde continued to stare.

What was with her? Someone like her, pretty and probably rich, content to sit there and talk to a stranger like Ymir. Did this girl even know who she was talking to?

“No.” Ymir answered simply. The nagging desire to either insult the girl or get up and leave was there, but Ymir felt a stronger desire to stay. That desire changed her life.

“What do you find beautiful then?” the girl pressed on, determined. She was looking at Ymir like she could actually _see_ her, and it was pissing the brunette off.

“Nothing.” Ymir finally said, unable to take that piercing gaze.

She finally downed the last of the beer and then crushed the can in her fist. Before the blonde could demand a deeper answer, Ymir stood and chucked the can into the bin beside the bench. She roughly shoved her hands into her pockets, hunched her shoulders and started to walk.

“Wait!” The girl stood up, arm outstretched towards the stranger.

Ymir paused and looked over her shoulder.

“What’s your name? I’m Krista.”

Ymir moved her body slightly, halfway turned back, and simply stared at Krista for a long while. She was definitely pretty – no, probably gorgeous. Her long blonde hair fell over her shoulders, shining in the sunlight. Her pale, smooth skin added to her beauty too, and her blue eyes looked like a clear blue sky, full of innocence and determination and naivety.

“Maybe I’ll tell you if I see you again,” Ymir responded. She turned and started walking again before the girl could see the sudden crease of confusion between her brows at her words. Why had she even said that?

Well, it didn’t matter. It’s not like she would ever see her again anyway.

XxX

The next day Ymir trudged over towards her favourite bench, this time carrying a pack of 6 beers. It was her off day, so she decided to get an early start on making herself numb. As she walked over towards the bench she stuck her hand into her pocket and fished around for her pack of cigarettes and lighter. While doing that she glanced at her watch, noting the time, stepped up to the bench and then curled her fingers around her smokes at the same time.

“Good morning!”

Ymir froze in her tracks and slowly lifted her head. Sure enough, sitting there where she had the day before was the blonde with an irritating habit of bothering strangers.

“Go away.” Ymir responded and plopped down on the far end of the bench, away from the blonde.

Krista pouted and a flash of hurt covered her eyes. She shook out of it though and instead scooted up to the brunette and poked her shoulder. Ymir flinched at the touch.

“You said you’d tell me your name if you see me again,” Krista said. “Well, you’re seeing me again!”

“No I’m not.” Ymir replied in a monotone voice and lit her cigarette. She relished the first puff and allowed the smoke to roll up into the sky.

“I’m here so you are.”

“But I’m not actually seeing you, am I?” Ymir pointed out, eyes gazing out over the dam water, though this time not as empty as usual. This time she looked irritated and slightly upset. It was actually an improvement, to be honest.

Krista got up and stood in front of Ymir, right in her line of sight, but the brunette simply looked to the side and continued puffing on her cigarette.

“Why won’t you tell me your name?” Krista asked tearfully. She herself didn’t know why she wanted to know _so_ badly, though a small nagging part of her told her why. But Ymir looked so depressed and alone, it pulled at Krista’s heart, more than usual. If she could offer any kind of help to relieve those emotions, even if it meant she had to come here every morning, she would.

“Why do you even care?” Ymir asked instead, still avoiding looking directly at Krista.

“Because I do! You just… look like an interesting person… I’m just curious.” That was only half of the truth. Krista wasn’t sure if mentioning the other part, that Ymir looked lonely, would hit a sore spot or not. She wisely kept that to herself.

Ymir grunted angrily and suddenly stood up, brushing up against Krista and making the blonde blush furiously and stumble back. When she glanced up she shivered at the brunette looming menacingly over her, brown eyes staring into her face, angry and glaring.

“I’m s-sorry…” Krista gulped. She really hadn’t expected the stranger to get that upset – or be that tall, in fact.

“Ymir,” the brunette muttered. She ran her fingers through her short brown hair and cussed under her breath. “My name is Ymir. Now will you fuck off?”

Instead of flinching at the swear word or the hostility, Krista broke out into a radiant smile and leaped forward without being able to stop herself. She grabbed onto the front of Ymir’s shirt and smiled happily up at her face.

“Thank you, Ymir! I really thought you were mad at me!” She continued to smile so brightly, like Ymir had just made her day by revealing her name.

Ymir blushed, unaccustomed to anyone feeling any sort of positive emotion because of her, let alone just because of her name. She felt the warmth from Krista’s hands seep through her t-shirt and heat her skin. It was pleasant. The feeling snaked up her abdomen and curled around her heart, heating her chest and then burning her face.

Ymir swallowed hard and grabbed Krista’s hands to remove them from her shirt. Krista’s skin was even warmer in Ymir’s hands and letting it go felt almost painful. A faint blush crossed Ymir’s cheeks and she looked off to the side to hide it.

“You know, I never noticed yesterday but you have a lot of freckles on your face.”

Ymir stiffened. “What of it? Are you going to make fun of my face on top of being an annoying brat?” Yeah, she had an issue with her freckles. Growing up, people had always teased and mocked her for the multitude of brown dots littering her body. The worst were scattered over her shoulders but the most noticeable were the ones placed along her cheeks and nose.

Krista gasped softly and then reached out and touched Ymir’s freckled cheek. “Of course not!” she exclaimed. Ymir’s eyes widened slightly and she turned to look at Krista’s face, seeing an open expression and that damn happy smile that hadn’t gone away. “I think they’re really attractive.” She suddenly removed her hand and looked down, a new blush fresh on her face, turning her ears pink too. “N-not that I think you’re hot! Not that you aren’t though! You are! Wait…. I mean… I mean that… that I think you look beautiful with freckles… um… I…” Krista felt her heart thunder, now thoroughly embarrassed and fearful that she had once more upset Ymir.

Instead of getting upset or irritated, Ymir regarded Krista’s red face for a few seconds before she started laughing. She laughed so loud and so hard that she had to wrap her arms around her stomach and bend over because of the force of it.

Krista watched her in puzzlement, confused at why she was laughing but pleased that she had done something to amuse the brunette. She meant it, Ymir was beautiful. A smile should always stay on that freckled face, Krista believed, not a frown or a scowl which is all she had seen of the brunette until now. And anyway, Ymir had a really sexy laugh, Krista had to admit. It made her blush all over again.

“Um… did I say something wrong?”

Ymir raised a hand to signal that Krista should just wait and continued to bellow in laughter. Eventually she regained her sanity and placed a hand on Krista’s shoulder to steady herself. She straightened and used her free hand to wipe the tears from her face. God, she hadn’t laughed like that in years.

“Are you okay?” Krista asked in concern. Ymir looked out of breath and red in the face, though if that was due to shortage of breath or embarrassment, neither was sure.

Ymir took a few large breaths and then shook her head incredulously. “Beautiful?” she muttered and snorted. “That’s new.” She released Krista’s shoulder and plopped back down onto the bench. She was now exhausted, not used to spending so much energy on something useless like laughing.

Krista decided to take a seat down next to her and pulled her bag – that Ymir hadn’t noticed – onto her lap. While she rummaged around in it Ymir pulled one of the bottles out and made a move to pop the cap, more than ready to start her morning drinking.

“Wait!” Krista yelled suddenly and lunged out to snatch the beer away.

Fire consumed Ymir’s eyes as her chest filled with fury, but then something was thrust into her face and the aroma of food filled her nose, dousing her anger.

“What the hell?” she asked.

“Food.” Krista replied. She lowered her arm and placed the open lunchbox on Ymir’s lap. “I made something for you. It’s nothing grand or anything, but I figured I would make you eat something before drinking.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “And how do you know I haven’t had breakfast yet, Princess?”

Krista blushed slightly at the nickname but ignored it. “You don’t look healthy Ymir, so you probably don’t eat or sleep properly. You’re really thin, too. Drinking without eating isn’t healthy.”

Ymir shifted uncomfortably. How could this girl guess so much about her correctly from only being in her presence for so little time? It unnerved Ymir, but she sighed and decided that she wouldn’t ignore her hunger this time and started to eat. Surprisingly, it was fucking delicious.

Krista beamed when Ymir’s eyes widened and she suddenly started to wolf the food down. When she was done she burped loudly and then slouched on the bench, fully satisfied.

“Good girl.” Krista took the empty lunch box and gave Ymir’s bottle back to her. “I don’t like that you’re drinking, but there, since you ate.”

Ymir took the beer back but narrowed her eyes at Krista. “Why are you acting like my mother?” she asked with a snarl.

Krista flinched, but met her eyes with determination and placed her hand over Ymir’s, feeling it right to be honest this time. “Because you’re lonely Ymir,” she said, “and I want to try to help you.”

Ymir’s eyes widened again and she roughly shoved Krista’s hand away. She looked away to the side and leaned her arms onto her legs, leaning forward. Her hands tightened and relaxed around the bottle in her hand.

“What the hell makes you think I need help?”

Krista swallowed thickly, heart pounding. It was true that she cared too much way too soon already. She didn’t know Ymir, but the taller woman just pulled her in. Something captivated her, but more so, something about Ymir screamed ‘help me, I’m alone’.

The blonde took a breath and wrapped her arms around Ymir before the brunette could react. “I think that you want it, more than you need it. I can see it in your eyes.”

Ymir completely stiffened, uncomfortable and now furious. She waited patiently until Krista pulled away, and then she stood up. Not looking at the blonde she retrieved her beer and headed towards the road.

“I never asked for your help, and I’m not in need of it. Take your charity somewhere else, Princess. It’s not needed here,” Ymir hissed over her shoulder. “And don’t bother me again, brat!”

As she walked away, Krista simply sighed and caressed her palm that had been pressed against Ymir’s skin. It tingled, strangely, and it travelled right up her arm and into her chest, where it consumed her heart. She sighed, hurt at Ymir’s words and how obviously stubborn she was, but clenched her fists in determination.

“I’m lonely too.” she said softly. “So I’ll help you, and we’ll either be lonely together or not lonely at all.” She collected her bag and made for the opposite direction, more determined now than ever.


	2. Chapter 2

After escaping the annoying blonde and her naïve determination, Ymir made her way over to her apartment. Once there she slammed the door shut behind her, kicked her shoes off and plopped down on her couch.

Her apartment was small and dingy, with stains all over the ugly green walls and barely any furniture in the rooms. The lounge only contained a TV on a cheap wall-unit, a second-hand old couch that was barely long enough for Ymir’s long body and a wobbly table between the couch and TV.

It wasn’t that she was poor. Ymir just preferred to spend her money on other things, not on her living environment. She didn’t care how she lived, as long as she could smoke and drink her misery away.

Ymir pulled her lighter and box of cigarettes out and then tossed them onto the table. With her pockets now empty she rolled onto her stomach and used her long arm as a pillow. It wasn’t all that comfortable, but she was suddenly so tired that it didn’t matter. She hadn’t eaten good food like that in a while, or eaten in general, so now she craved some rest. Sleep hadn’t been a priority either. She drank until she passed out, she never just fell asleep.

Ymir yawned so wide that her jaw cracked loudly, and then her eyes grew heavy and without her consent she slipped into a deep, content sleep.

XxX

For the next few days Ymir avoided visiting the park again, which really sucked because it was the only place she felt comfortable with. Her apartment depressed her and going out in public was absolutely out of the question. People annoyed her simply by breathing. Ymir couldn’t afford punching someone and getting threatened by lawyers again; some people and their coward way of revenge.

She still woke up each morning cursing the fact that she woke up and barely feeling the hangover she had grown accustomed to. This was just the usual start to her day.

It was now Friday, a near week after encountering that blonde. Ymir tried her best not to think about her but it seemed impossible. Every time her mind drifted off it was filled with Krista. Either questions and curiosity towards her or unrestrained anger. Sometimes Ymir would scowl so frighteningly that her customer would back away in fear and flee all together. Ymir had already suffered three intense lectures from her boss. Really, he never understood why he put up with her shit, but he had known Ymir since she was a little girl and could never bring himself to fire her. She was a pain, but she was like family. He knew the reasons for her terrible personality, but that didn’t mean it didn’t infuriate him every time it became a bother, which was all the time.

He ran a simple coffee shop that provided wonderful coffee, free Wi-Fi and a quiet environment. Ymir happened to be a server, though her loudmouth and blatant attitude often disturbed the peace. It was very rare that Ymir came to work in a good mood, especially in the past week. She had been absolutely awful, in a very different way. It was odd to see her space out and glower instead of cuss and yell, like usual. She seemed so lost in thought that her boss actually worried for her.

Ymir only had Sundays off so she had to crawl out of bed and force herself into the shower to wake up. Once she had she put on her usual black attire, black jeans with her boots and a long sleeved black shirt with the sleeves pulled up. It suited her. She looked dark, just like how she felt.

After taking a few pills for her headache she left her apartment and descended the stairs, ignoring an elderly man who openly and pointedly glared at her as she passed. Every single neighbour in the area hated her. She didn’t blame them and made sure to give him a middle finger in greeting. He had expected it and simply shook his head in wonder at the obscenity in some people.

Once in her car – which wasn’t as shitty as her apartment, at least, and was second hand but well taken care of – Ymir drove to work and parked in her usual spot in front of the building.

‘Coffee Shop’

That is what the place was called. So damn creative. Ymir rolled her eyes every time she looked up and saw that big ugly sign with the two ‘unique’ words in bold cursive. Behind the words was a cup of coffee, looking way too cartoonish to be taken seriously. Ymir complained about it as often as she could, but when she was threatened with a pay cut she quieted down about it. For once she felt no need to make a quip about it and simply went in the back to retrieve her work apron and cap from her locker. She returned moments later, grunted at the only other server there and took her position behind the counter.

She sighed to herself, ready to tackle another meaningless day.

The hours passed slowly, excruciatingly. Ymir tried her best to keep her temper in check but some people were just completely stupid. First her co-worker had gotten an order wrong and Ymir had an angry customer screaming in her face for it. Second some idiot dumped coffee all over her boyfriend and left the shop, causing Ymir’s boss to argue with her until she went and cleaned the mess.

During her short 20 minute break she went to the back and had a quick smoke, and afterwards returned to her job. She continued to take orders and make coffee for the ungrateful bastards of the world. People didn’t even thank her anymore after she handed the coffee over. They simply snatched it and walked off as if it had been owed to them. Ymir despised that. It was only on those rare occasions that someone would sincerely thank her that Ymir would offer a small smile and a nod. She otherwise had no hope in humanity.

Ymir may have a terrible personality, but she had manners when it counted and when she wasn’t feeling emotionally threatened.

When late afternoon came around Ymir had an hour left of work before she could go home and drink. Customers had thinned and the shop was vacant except for a couple sitting together in the back, holding hands and giggling. They were both school girls, obvious with the uniforms. Ymir ran her eyes over their bodies for a moment, impressed with the one’s large bust, but decided to occupy herself otherwise.

She started thinking about Krista. The moment those blue eyes invaded her mind, Ymir slapped a hand over her face and groaned. _Goddamnit Krista, get out of my head._

“Ymir, it seems like we won’t get more customers. You can head home early today.” her boss popped up and announced.

Ymir sighed in relief and started to remove her uniform, only to freeze and suddenly begin to sweat. “Uh…” She looked to her boss, panic written on her face.

“Ymir, you look pale. Are you okay?” her boss questioned, face clouded with worry.

Ymir glanced back at Krista who had just entered the shop and patted her uniform back into place. “I think I’ll stay until we close, we have another customer.” she told him calmly, ignoring his shocked look. Before he could say anything Ymir stepped back up to the counter and assumed a professional, calm expression. She kept her back straight and her head high, though inside she went into panic mode.

_What the hell is she doing here? And I was just thinking about her! Jesus, not only won’t she stay out of my head but she won’t stay out of my life either! What do I do? Why the hell did I decide to stay, anyway? Gah! My heart, stop fucking beating so fast. Why am I sweating? Jesus, this girl makes me so angry._

Ymir continued her inner panic but looked calm and collected on the outside. Krista hadn’t noticed her yet since she had taken to looking through her bag for something. When she approached the counter and stopped, Ymir swallowed and waited for her to look up and be annoying.

While the blonde was distracted Ymir took notice of her appearance. She was in a school uniform, a skirt with red stripes over black, a white shirt and a black pullover. She had black knee-length socks and black shoes. Ymir suddenly felt disappointment, since she had never really considered that Krista was actually a student.

 _How didn’t I even notice? Look at her! She looks 12. Why am I even concerned about this?_ Her eyebrow began to twitch as she fought to keep her face void of emotion. For once it was difficult.

“Where is it?” Krista muttered irritably to herself. Just from her tone, and the deep furrow of her brows, Ymir could tell that she was in a bad mood. It was strangely fascinating. “Ah!” Her face brightened and she pulled a wallet out of her book bag. She opened it to check for money and then turned to Ymir to make an order, only to freeze up and suddenly drop her wallet. “Y-Y-Ymir!” she stuttered. Ymir simply raised an eyebrow, forcing herself not to comment.

Krista quickly crouched down to retrieve her fallen possession and went into a little panic of her own. She too hadn’t been able to get Ymir out of her head during the past week and she had been saddened when Ymir hadn’t shown up at the park. She did wait each day, though, and was prepared to wait for many more. But now that she had found out where she worked…

The blonde stood up with a smile, trying to hide her excitement. Her heart was thundering in her chest and her hands were shaking, but she smiled up at Ymir and took a breath.

“Can I have a hot chocolate please?” she asked.

Ymir was about to turn to begin the order, but paused and titled her head. “You order hot chocolate at a coffee shop?”

Krista furrowed her brows. “You sell it though, don’t you?”

Ymir pressed her lips together and turned quickly to get the beverage done. Once she had she placed it down on the counter and reached out for the money. Krista dropped more than the needed amount into Ymir’s open hand.

“Keep the change.” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

Ymir said nothing but nodded in thanks. She rang the order and tore the receipt from the machine. She handed it over to Krista and then pushed the hot drink forward, but Krista reached out and wrapped her hand around it before Ymir had pulled away. Their fingers brushed and an almost electric sensation shot up their arms. At the same moment they locked gazes, but Ymir looked away just as fast and wrenched her hand away.

Krista released a shaky breath and cradled the warm cup in both hands. She smiled again and softly thanked Ymir before taking a seat at a table closest to her. The brunette noticed and struggled not to glance over or comment.

The blonde just sipped at her hot chocolate and stared at Ymir. While she did her mind raced for believable excuses to get the brunette to sit with her. Nothing came to mind, so Krista settled with watching Ymir’s tense face until they announced the shop was closing and she had to leave.

It was sad to say goodbye, but Krista now had a plan forming in her head. She returned home in a daze, a bright smile plastered on her face. When her mother asked about it she simply shook her head.

“Nothing, mother. I’m just in a good mood.”

She then skipped to her room, shut her door behind her and buried her face against her pillow after jumping onto her bed.

Ymir was strangely sexy in a green apron and cap. 

XxX

Another week passed by. Ymir continued to avoid the park but that didn’t keep Krista away. Now that she had discovered Ymir’s work, she visited the shop every day after school until it closed. She would always order only one hot chocolate and take a seat closest to the counter.

Ymir began to detest work even more, but she woke with a strange sensation in her stomach that only intensified each time she showered and readied for work. Was it butterflies? She decided that it was simply dread at having to endure Krista again, but she couldn’t deny that since Krista had started to visit her at work she was able to rise out of bed a little easier, as if she was almost eager to get the day started.

That was absurd though.

She was less difficult and slightly more dazed.

It was now Saturday afternoon and Ymir served customers with her usual void expression. It was getting frighteningly close to the time Krista arrived and Ymir, as usual, was beginning to get nervous. It showed with her increased distractedness and how she snapped at her co-worker for practically nothing. Her jaw muscles kept tensing and her hands kept sweating. It was annoying to have to continuously wipe her hands off, and the strange flutter of her heart was even more annoying.

What the hell was wrong with her? Did Krista really annoy her that much?

More time had passed and Ymir glanced at her watch. It was half an hour over Krista’s usual arrival. This was strange, and Ymir felt an odd sense of worry. Krista had made it at exactly 2 P.M every afternoon, only ever late or early by a few minutes. This had been the latest so far, but it really wasn’t all that late. Ymir merely shrugged and focused on the current order she had to complete. When that was done she impatiently glanced at her watch again.

“Expecting someone?” her co-worker asked with a grin.

Ymir turned to him with a glare. “It’s none of your damn business.”

He lifted his hands as a sign of surrender. “Fine, geez. You just keep looking at your watch.” He rolled his eyes and hurried to tend to a new customer.

Ymir frowned deeply and realized that she had been obsessively looking at the time. Was she actually waiting for the shrimp to show up? Ymir covered her face with a hand, not wanting to admit it.

The struggle of being a realist, unfortunately.

Ymir started to analyse her behaviour since meeting the blonde in the park about two weeks ago. Her heart fluttered and she swallowed. Crap. What was this feeling? Why did it suddenly feel like something mattered to her?

She resisted the urge to look at her watch again.

No, it didn’t matter. Krista could pitch up or not, Ymir decided that she didn’t care. She shrugged out of her weird thoughts and returned to being normally empty and bored. There was still a tiny nudge at the back of her mind, concerned for the blonde and wondering why she hadn’t shown up yet.

Ymir struggled through the rest of the hours, her mood souring by the minute when each blonde that walked through the door wasn’t Krista. When her shift was over she violently shoved her work clothes into her locker and walked angrily to her car. The drive home was done in silence, like always. She didn’t put the radio on to fill up the quiet. This time she just gripped the steering wheel tightly and glared forward. When she returned home she stormed up to her apartment and savagely slammed the door shut behind her.

She was so fucking angry and not knowing the reason why infuriated her even more. She wasn’t in control; she hated not being in control.

Ymir stripped down to her boxers and sports bra, not bothering to throw her clothes into her room and simply left them strewn about by the front door. She charged over to the fridge, ripped the door open and grabbed her bottles of beer. She then went over to her couch, dropped down onto it and popped the cap off of one of the bottles.

As she pressed her lips to the bottle and tipped it, downing the cool liquid inside that would soon blur the complicated lines in her mind, Ymir struggled to get Krista out of her head.

“Get out of my head!” she yelled to no one, to herself. “Get the fuck out and leave me alone!” She went for another bottle, and then a third, drinking through the night until she reached her limit and passed out on her stomach on the couch, snoring loudly and dreaming of nothing in particular. 


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was Sunday, and when Ymir forced herself off of the couch her head pounded with an intense headache. She hadn’t felt this awfully hungover in a while, and it definitely wasn’t pleasant.

With a groan she managed to stumble into the kitchen and swallow a few painkillers, not taking note of how many. She then stumbled her way to the bathroom and threw her sweaty clothes off for a refreshing shower. It didn’t help much but it at least helped to clear her mind the slightest, and feel cleaner.

Her stomach grumbled loudly so she made her way over to the fridge to grab another beer, but paused when she glanced out of the window. She saw familiar blonde hair and her throat suddenly tightened.

Krista was there, sitting on the bench! Ymir didn’t know how, but she knew it. She felt a strange urgency and followed it without thinking. Ymir rushed into her room and pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a grey shirt. Before she could even question her own actions she was already out of the door, down the stairs and crossing the road. But the closer she got to Krista the slower her steps became.

Her stomach filled with a near sick feeling, like she was about to throw up. She cringed and tried to ignore the feeling, but it only got worse the closer she stepped. Eventually she just stopped walking, only a few feet from an unsuspecting Krista.

Why did she rush out like that, though? Ymir puzzled over her own actions. What had driven her to excitedly dress and walk over here? Was it Krista?

Curious and angry at the same time, Ymir continued to walk and stealthily slipped into the empty space beside Krista. The blonde seemed to be deep in thought though, so she didn’t notice. She was also busy sketching something in a notebook, so her attention was otherwise captured.

Ymir discreetly glanced over to see what Krista was drawing, only to widen her eyes and suddenly snatch the paper out of her hand.

“Hey!” Krista yelled furiously and quickly quieted when she turned and saw Ymir next to her, examining the sketch.  “Y-Ymir! It’s rude to snatch things. Please give it back.” Her face flushed. She hadn’t expected Ymir to suddenly materialize beside her and take her book, for once showing an interest in something. Krista would have been amused if she wasn’t so embarrassed about what Ymir was looking at.

“Why did you draw this?” Ymir asked seriously, turning the notebook towards Krista and pointing and the beautifully drawn sketch.

“Well… I…” Krista flushed even harder and puffed her cheeks up. “Where did you show up from anyway? Where’s a hello?” Krista attempted a diversion.

Ymir narrowed her eyes. “I asked a question.”

Krista sighed and reached out to take the book back, glad that Ymir let it slip out of her fingers. She placed it down on her lap and ran her finger over the familiar freckled face. “I just felt like drawing you.” she replied.

“But why?” Ymir asked.

Krista blushed so hard that her ears turned red. “Ymir, it’s embarrassing!”

Ymir furrowed her eyebrows but felt her irritation grow. “It’s a simple goddamn question, you know. Not rocket science.”

Krista flipped the book closed and hugged it protectively to her chest. “I couldn’t get you out of my head so I decided to draw you, to help!” she finally exclaimed, her blush still not dying down.

Ymir watched her blushing face for a moment and then noticed something that made her expression darken for some unfathomable reason. She scooted closer and roughly grabbed Krista’s chin.

“What happened?” she demanded.

Krista gasped softly and tried to pull out of the grip, but Ymir went and grabbed the side of her face with her other hand, effectively trapping Krista in place. For a second Krista was too busy hyperventilating and trying to calm her heart down to formulate a response.

“Do you make it a habit of ignoring questions?” Ymir asked in annoyance. She tightened her hold and glared down hotly into Krista’s eyes, making the younger girl blush again and swallow.

“I-it’s nothing, really.” She placed her hands over Ymir’s and gave them a light pat. “I was just being disobedient and my father became too upset.” Ymir hands slackened and Krista pulled them off of her face, revealing the ugly bruise along her jaw.

“Your father hit you?” Ymir asked softly, her chest slowly building up with incredible rage.

Krista nodded but smiled. “It’s okay, really. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.” She gave Ymir’s hands a gentle squeeze and then dropped them. She then turned and grabbed her bag, pulled a lunch box out and offered it to Ymir. “Here, like last time.”

Ymir stared at it in confusion. “How did you know I would be here?”

“I didn’t.” Krista responded cheerfully. “I’ve waited every morning just in case you did come here. I bring food each time.”

Ymir’s heart twinged. Really, what was this feeling?

“Krista,” she took the lunchbox from the girl’s hands and placed it down beside her on the bench. She then scooted closer and hesitantly touched a finger to her bruise. “Why do you treat me with such kindness? It infuriates me.”

Krista giggled. “You know, you’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met.” She once more grabbed Ymir’s hand but held onto it. “You are so scared to get close to anyone that you do your hardest to push them away, and then you drown away your misery with alcohol.” Her smile faded slightly. “You seem so lonely that it makes my heart ache. I know I’m probably a very big problem for you, but I really can’t handle seeing you so sad.”

“You don’t know me.” Ymir pointed out, mind racing with every damn reason why Krista’s actions made no sense. “I’m an asshole, rude, selfish, a drunk and I have no value whatsoever. That doesn’t bother me at all, but you bother me. Why are you wasting your time like this?” Ymir spoke more passionately with each word, not used to feeling so much emotion but honestly feeling so confused and angry at the same time.

Krista gave her hand a squeeze and looked off to the side, unable to maintain eye contact any longer.

Ymir narrowed her eyes, seeing the flash of emotion in Krista’s eyes. “You’re lonely too then, aren’t you?” When Krista’s eyes widened, Ymir knew she had just figured it out. “Could it be that you feel that if you help me, you could in turn help yourself and get rid of your own loneliness? Who are you really, Krista? What do you get you out of helping me exactly? Does the satisfaction of knowing you helped some poor soul ease your own suffering?”

Ymir’s hand had tightened around Krista’s and now the blonde struggled to pull free. “No! It’s not like that, really. I care about you Ymir, I want to help you!”

Ymir smirked. “You look at me and see a different version of you, don’t you? Isn’t this some sick way of you helping yourself?”

Krista froze and her eyes widened, but she shook her head, not wanting to believe it. “No, I’m not like that!” She finally managed to break out of Ymir’s hold and almost instantly folded into herself, breathing hard and shocked.

Ymir sighed and sat back. “It’s okay, you know,” she said, “if you’re using me to help yourself. I don’t care. But don’t fucking play it off as some kind of charity work. If you’re using me then be honest about it.”

“I’m not using you…” Krista said softly, hands clutching at her head. “I’m not…”

Ymir sighed and picked the lunchbox up. She officially felt a hundred times better now that she knew the blonde’s motives. She was back in control, and her inner turmoil died down. Krista continued to mutter to herself, her shoulders shaking as she tried to hold her tears back, and Ymir ate while Krista sunk into denial. When she was done with the food Ymir placed the empty lunchbox down and sunk down onto the bench, arms behind her head. She closed her eyes, still listening to Krista though she had stopped muttering and was only breathing hard now.

Ymir’s eyes felt heavy and before she knew it she drifted off, and a few minutes later when she startled awake and looked around her, she was alone. On the empty space beside her was a folded piece of paper.

When Ymir unfolded it she swallowed. It was the sketch of herself that Krista had done.

Krista had drawn her sitting at the bench, arm resting along the top of the backrest, one leg crossed over the over. She had a cigarette burning and in one hand while in the other was a beer bottle, lifted to her lips. Ymir was also drawn looking extremely bored and glancing off to the side.

Ymir shivered. The way Krista had drawn it, it was almost as if Ymir had more sadness in her eyes than anything. What unsettled Ymir the most was that this wasn’t from Krista’s imagination. Ymir sat in that position a lot, though not once in the blonde’s presence.

Who was Krista, really?

XxX

Krista clutched her bag against her chest and hurried towards the bus stop. Her chest felt heavy, her legs felt weak and her heart kept thundering.

There was no way Ymir was right. She wouldn’t do something like that! Ymir didn’t know it, but Krista hadn’t only seen her that day they first spoke. She had noticed Ymir sitting there months earlier and had taken great interest in her.

It was always the same. Every morning, around 7 A.M she would walk over to the park with any type of drink, sit down alone by the bench and smoke and drink for an hour. Sometimes she didn’t drink at all, but on her worst days she did. Krista could always tell how severe Ymir’s mood was by how much she drank before leaving the park.

Krista had wanted to talk to her for such a long time, but could never seem to build the courage. She could easily see how intimidating and hostile Ymir was whenever she was bothered by someone walking by, because she would always viciously glare or swear mercilessly at them. She truly had no tact at all, but strangely, Krista liked that about her.

She liked how raw Ymir was, how little she cared, but that in turn made her shy away from actually communicating with her. So she had settled for sitting down closer to the dam, leaning against a tree, and either watched her or sketched her. True, it was probably creepy, but Krista couldn’t help it. Ymir was so ruggedly attractive. If only she smiled more.

That is what Krista truly began to crave; Ymir’s smile. She wanted more than anything to see it only once; a true, genuine smile with no mask and no apprehension. So, after internally arguing with herself for over a week, Krista had finally gathered her courage and spoke her first words to Ymir.

Hearing Ymir laugh had been magical, but it still wasn’t a genuine smile. Krista could see Ymir struggling internally with something. Her irritation showed a lot on her face since Krista had physically met her. It was odd, to finally see a little of what went on inside of her head instead of that vacant, bored look.

But now Krista’s entire body shook. She felt unsure and confused. The bus ride home was too short a ride. Eventually she had to step through the front door and into her house, grimacing lightly when she heard her father’s deep voice in his study. He was probably on the phone with business men.

She continued to run Ymir’s words through her head as she snuck up to her room, making sure to avoid her parents. Once alone she really took the time to think.

There was no way Ymir was right. How could it be possible? How could Krista help herself by helping Ymir?

Krista held her breath.

Could it really be that seeing the loneliness in Ymir’s eyes fade would ease the loneliness in her own heart? Was that something she had really been after from the beginning, not just Ymir’s wellbeing?

Krista clutched at her shirt, gripping it tightly in her fist. Her chest ached.

“It can’t be…” She whispered. “It can’t…”

But the more she said that, the more she realized how much sense it really made.

XxX

The next day Ymir sat by the bench, smoking silently and patiently waiting for Krista. She could admit it this time. She was really waiting for her this time, but it seemed that Krista wasn’t going to show up.

Ducks swam about, off in the distance a couple chased after their dog and further down children laughed and played together. Ymir thought about how ignorant the world was to other’s suffering. Her chest could fill with either emptiness or pain, and neither the ducks nor the people would ever know of it. It was a cruel world, passing by others and hiding your suffering while they hid theirs.

In an ideal world, Ymir mused, people would work towards peace and ease each other’s pain. But this was not an ideal world, this was reality and this was all that made sense to Ymir.

She still felt unsettled about Krista, so she had convinced herself to just ask the blonde about it. About what the strange tightness in her stomach was, or the shortness of breath she suffered. It was something Ymir couldn’t figure out on her own, and she was tired of constantly silently raging inside because she couldn’t understand it.

But Krista wasn’t fucking coming. The one time Ymir actually wanted her to show up, she didn’t. Life really was wonderful, Ymir thought sarcastically.

She threw her cigarette onto the ground and crushed it under her foot as she stood. Since Krista wouldn’t show, Ymir would forget her. She would stop thinking about her and just carry on like she had before her life had been turned upside down by that midget.

Ymir grit her teeth.

She made her way to work, craving something strong like brandy and made a note in her head to stop by the liquor store on her way home later. She was running out of booze.

Work was the usual. People were idiots, people were inconsiderate. At least Ymir’s boss had been sensitive to her recent depression and had worked on yelling at her less. She deserved it less now, anyway, since the worst the really did was glare. Whatever had taken up Ymir’s concentration, her boss thanked it, hoping it was nothing terrible otherwise he would feel awful.

When her break approached Ymir started counting the minutes down. She really wanted to sneak out quickly and buy a beer. Her plans took a drastic change, however, when a familiar blonde strode through the door. Of course Ymir furrowed her brows and glanced at her watch to confirm if she had the right time.

It was 12:34 P.M. What was Krista doing there so early, during school hours?

This time Krista did not approach the counter and she didn’t look at Ymir either, she simply sat down at the table she usually occupied, and pulled her sketch book out of her bag.

Ymir sighed and glared at her, not understanding why Krista would have come here if she didn’t want to be annoying. Not that Ymir wanted her to be annoying. But still.

“I’m going on my break now.” Ymir announced boredly and quickly fixed a hot chocolate drink, with three small marshmallows on top, and took her work stuff off. She placed it all under the counter and then nervously made her way over to Krista who was too busy drawing to notice the brunette approach. So much for moving on and forgetting about her.

Ymir frowned, not liking that she hadn’t been noticed, and dropped the cup down on top of the paper Krista had been sketching intensely on. Krista startled for a second and then sighed deeply that her drawing had been partially ruined. There was now a dark line cutting across Ymir’s face that didn’t belong there.

She looked up and glared at Ymir, not changing her expression when she noted that it was indeed Ymir that had disturbed her.

“What do you want Ymir?” Krista asked and pushed the cup away to continue drawing. She did take note with a flutter of her heart, however, that Ymir had brought her usual drink without being asked to. It was the first time Ymir had ever done something for Krista without being asked to. It made Krista’s heart skip many beats, and when she continued sketching Ymir’s face, she felt new inspiration for the drawing.

However, when Ymir dropped into the seat beside her and leaned over to look at her paper, Krista tore her attention away from the drawing and turned to give Ymir a perplexed look. “Ymir?” she uttered in confusion.

Ymir looked back in equal confusion. “What?” she asked.

“You… you’re sitting down by me. Aren’t you working?”

Ymir shrugged. “I’ve got a 20 minute break right now.” She leaned her elbow on the table and then her cheek to her palm, and pressed a finger to Krista’s artwork. “I never mentioned before, but you draw really well.” She shifted uncomfortably, scowling a little.

Krista nearly sputtered in complete surprise and embarrassment. Who was this and what had they done with the real Ymir? “I… uh… th-thank you.” Krista blushed deeply and nervously scratched her cheek.

“Why do you do that?” Ymir asked curiously, closely watching Krista’s face.

“Do what?” Krista replied, swallowing hard. Her heart started thumping unevenly again. Ymir was so close that she could smell her, and it was overwhelming.

Ymir narrowed her eyes slightly. “Why do you blush like that?”

Krista rolled her eyes this time. “People do that you know.”

Ymir covered her face with her hand and took a deep breath. “I know, dumbass. I mean why do you blush so much whenever I talk to you? Do I do something to embarrass you?” Ymir uncovered her face and waited for a response. What she got instead was Krista’s widened eyes, slightly open mouth and completely flushed face. “There, you’re doing it again. Why?  I don’t understand.” Ymir rubbed at her temples, now thoroughly frustrated all over again.

Krista clenched her hand around her pencil and glanced down at her drawing. It was of Ymir on that bench, but this time she had no cigarette or drink and was simply sitting there, leaning forward and resting her arms on her legs. She was also looking forward, smirking, and a breeze was blowing her hair to the side. Krista swallowed.

“D-do you really not understand it?” Krista asked nervously.

“I understand that when someone feels embarrassed the physical reaction is to blush. But I don’t understand why you feel embarrassed around me.” She lifted her eyes to meet Krista’s gaze, her own filled with nothing but confusion.

Krista rubbed the back of her neck, fidgeting slightly. Would it really be okay to tell Ymir? It seemed like she really didn’t interact with people enough to understand society, so Krista was left in a dilemma. To tell Ymir would be to confess something… something really embarrassing, basically.

“Please?” Ymir suddenly pleaded, completely uncharacteristically.

Krista’s eyes widened to saucers. Oh no. If she did that, if she pleaded so adorably while still looking so damn sexy and angry, Krista couldn’t take it. At this rate…

“Tell me?”

For once Krista sighed in exasperation. “Fine!” she exclaimed, face on fire once more. Her throat tightened, her breathing quickened and her pulse hammered. “I’ll tell you… just… don’t freak out, please?”

Ymir clasped her hands together and leaned her elbows on the table, mouth pressed to her hands. Why would she freak out?

“I’m sure you know the concept of a crush, right?” Ymir nodded. “Well, sometimes when you have a crush on someone that person invokes certain reactions in you. One of them is blushing. If they talk to you, look at you or even touch you either in general or in a certain way, it can make your heart pound incredibly fast and you b-blush…”

“But still… why?” Ymir’s brows remained furrowed, her mind working hard to figure it out even though she kept missing the point that was quite obvious.

Krista sighed loudly, not believing that someone could be that clueless. “I have a crush on you Ymir!” she confessed in a passionate whisper, heart still thundering away and pounding against her rib cage. It was getting difficult to breathe, especially now that Ymir had completely frozen.

She remained that way for a long while until she finally lifted her eyes and stared straight through Krista’s soul. “You don’t even know me for that long.”

“I… I’ve actually been watching you for months now! I only just got the courage to talk to you.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, you still don’t know me. If anything you’re only attracted to what you see, which is my face.” Ymir didn’t look impressed.

Krista looked down at her lap, face on fire. “Th-that’s why I wanted to get to know you!”

Ymir leaned back in the chair.

This completely changed her earlier assumption of Krista’s motives. If they weren’t for her own loneliness, then was it because of this ‘crush’?

“Then do you want to help me in order to make me fall in love with you?” Ymir asked. Strangely, her heart thumped unevenly when she said that. She felt a faint blush cover her cheeks, and looked away quickly to hide it.

“Wha… no!” Krista groaned in frustration. “Ymir, I’ll admit that you were right that some part of me wants to help you because I’m lonely too, but I don’t have these elaborate motives for associating with you.” She scooted her chair closer and hesitantly grabbed Ymir’s sleeve. “Is it really that hard to believe that I just like you, nothing complicated?”

Ymir snorted and then smirked. “You’re the weirdest person I’ve ever met, too. And I haven’t met many.” She stood and then shoved her hands into her pockets. Without saying anything else she turned and walked back to the counter to return to her shift.

Krista watched her with a heavy heart, partly elated and partly devastated. So, Ymir now knew about her romantic feelings, but she didn’t give any indication if she felt the same or not. Surely if she didn’t she would have commented so.  Did that mean…? No… Krista shook her head. She couldn’t let herself get caught up in hopes.

Though a big part of her already held on to the hope that whenever Ymir snuck a glance at her, it was because she couldn’t help it. 


	4. Chapter 4

_Why does she like me?_

Ymir stared up at her ceiling, for once freshly showered, in her sleep clothes and on her bed. Impossibly enough she had not touched alcohol since returning from work. In fact, her mind was so busy with thinking that it hadn’t even occurred to her that she wasn’t drunk yet. It must have been well over midnight, too.

 _I didn’t show any interest at all._ She continued to wonder to herself. Each time she replayed that moment with Krista in her head, her heart started to thump unevenly and she could feel her cheeks heat up.

_When you have a crush on someone, you blush for them._

Ymir touched her burning cheek. She was blushing for Krista. Did that mean she felt the same way? Did she have a crush on the little blonde?

_No, even if I did, it’s wrong. She’s a highschool kid. I’m an adult._

She covered her face with her hands. Why was this so confusing? Couldn’t her mind just give her one easy solution, one complete understanding?

Ymir wasn’t experienced in anything sexual or romantic, especially feelings, but she wasn’t stupid. It was only her fear and denial keeping her from really realizing her own feelings and the incredulity of it. How could she develop a crush on that shrimp after only three weeks? They had barely even communicated, either.

Though, Ymir realized, she had never spoken to one person more than she had to Krista. For some reason she did not mind bantering with the blonde. Surely that meant something…

Ymir gripped the front of her shirt and clutched at her chest. What was this feeling? Her chest filled with warmth and her heart beat unevenly, her stomach fluttering with butterflies. Before she would assume this feeling meant something negative, something unpleasant, and granted it was slightly painful, in that moment Ymir realized that it was different.

It was a gentle warmth, not a painful heat.

Krista had pulled her so far out of her shell and she hadn’t really realized it until now. Before she would have been more withdrawn, but now she could sort of communicate with Krista. Three weeks ago she would barely show more than a vacant expression for the year, but over the time with Krista Ymir had gone through so many different expressions and emotions. It felt… it felt wonderful. Somehow… she could feel again. In the past, even if she had tried, she could barely emotionally react, even when something angered her. But now her emotions were all over the place. But she was _feeling_ again.

With the new realization, Ymir’s lips slowly quirked at the corners, forming a smile that felt odd but nice. Really, what was this feeling?

“Is this… happiness?”

XxX

The next day, Tuesday morning, Ymir smiled through her entire morning routine. Once she had found her smile, she couldn’t get rid of it. Suddenly that wall blocking her off from the world had broken. Realization how Krista made her feel brought Ymir back to the land of the living. She didn’t even feel the need to have a beer for breakfast and instead decided to have actual food before work. Unfortunately she had absolutely no food in her house.

“Jesus, am I really that bad?” She spotted her reflection in the window and frowned. Krista had been right, she really was thin. At one point she had focused most of her energy in working out to maintain a strong body, but when she fell into alcoholism again she gave that up to drink. Now she looked sickly and unattractively thin. Her skin was pale, hair dull and she had dark circles underneath her eyes.

 As if seeing herself for the first time, Ymir stared at herself in shock. This… was that person staring back really her? That defeated, depressed person? Ymir looked away, unable to look at herself any longer.

What the hell did Krista even see in her? She wasn’t attractive, she was downright awful looking. Ymir’s clothes hung on her tall frame, but they had once fit snugly. At one point Ymir had just lost awareness of herself.

Her smile had completely vanished now, and she made a quick grab for the fridge. Thankfully there was one last bottle of beer left and she greedily swallowed it down. Her chest was aching and she wanted it to go away, but her stomach had begun to grumble too.

That beer wouldn’t work. She was too thin. She needed to eat.

Ymir went to her room to fetch a thick jacket before she left her apartment. Now that she had finally seen the result of her self-abuse, she felt self-conscious about her unhealthy thinness. A nice, hot meal sounded really nice to her right now.

Her steps felt lighter, but she still frowned and struggled internally with her own anger directed at herself. The only way to fix how she felt was to fix how she looked, and that would take time. Her addiction to alcohol and smoking would take time to get rid of too. She still felt the urge to hide behind a drunken haze, but she painfully bit her lip to distract herself from that thought and forced her legs forward. She lived in the town area so a number of restaurants were in walking distance.

Ymir walked into the closest one and took a seat. A waitress appeared beside her table and handed a menu over to her.

“Hello, my name is Chris and I’ll be your server today! Can I get something to drink for you while you decide on your order?” the waitress said cheerfully and flashed a bright smile. She had her hands clasped behind her back and looked like she was struggling to stay still.

Ymir stared up at her with a quirked eyebrow. Chris, as she was called, had short blonde hair and striking blue eyes. She was also short.

“Krista…” Ymir muttered softly, and then shook her head.

Chris titled her head slightly but otherwise patiently waited.

“Yeah, uh, I’ll have a beer.” Ymir nodded to herself.

“Alright!” Chris turned and prepared to zip off but startled and stumbled back when a warm hand clamped around her wrist and pulled her back.

“Wait…” Ymir said, sweating and looking pained. “I’ll have water…”

Chris furrowed her brows, concerned for the anguished look on her customer’s face but nodded enthusiastically and gave Ymir a pat on the shoulder. “Sure! Water is better anyway. I’ll be right back, alright?”

Ymir didn’t look at her but nodded and bit her lip to prevent herself from stopping the blonde again and changing her mind. She knew that if she had another beer now she would get another, and another, since she felt strangely emotional.

To distract herself she glanced over the menu and suddenly her stomach growled like a damn lion. She ignored it but the hunger pain hit her like a boulder and she pressed a hand to her stomach. How had she been able to ignore it before?

Ymir took a good look around her, feeling like everything was more colourful. She could hear the conversations and laughter around her, the clang of cutlery against plates and she could smell the devastatingly appealing aroma of all kinds of food. Her mouth watered and she focused back onto the menu. There was so much to choose from though and by the time Chris returned with her glass of water she hadn’t decided on anything yet.

“So,” Chris pulled a pad of paper out of her uniform and poised a pen near the top, “what would you like to have?”

Ymir scratched her head. “I… there’s so much I can’t decide.”

Chris laughed and leaned over Ymir’s shoulder to glance at the menu, pressing her breasts against the brunette’s shoulder. Ymir felt it, of course, but she felt nothing other than slight irritation.

“How about the beef burger? It looks like your kind of thing. We have this special sauce we use too!”

Ymir ignored the hand pressed to her other shoulder and nodded. “Okay, I’ll have that.” She handed the menu over to the blonde who took it with a smile.

“Great!” Chris smiled brightly again and then zipped off.

Ymir watched her go, enjoying the sway of her hips. She had a nice ass, but it hardly did anything for Ymir. Until she imagined it being Krista, and suddenly her face flushed and her heart fluttered. She quickly looked away and covered her blushing face with her hands.

“Oh god…” She groaned. “It can’t be. She’s probably fucking 14.” She folded her arms on the table and rested her head on top of them, moaning in misery, craving something strong to drink but convincing herself that she didn’t need it – yet.

Just from her earlier reaction Ymir knew she was definitely into Krista. The thought of seeing Krista again made her breathing short and her hands sweat.

While Ymir continuously panicked herself by thinking of Krista, time ticked by and Chris materialized with her food. She didn’t delay after placing it down and skipped off to tend to other tables. Ymir tried her best not to eat like a beast, but it was difficult and she ended up nearly inhaling the food. Luckily the food had distracted her momentarily and she hadn’t thought about the blonde until she stepped out of the restaurant after paying the bill.

Once back out on the street Ymir glanced up at the cloudy sky and squinted. It was definitely going to rain, so she shoved her hands into her pockets and made her way back home. On her way she passed by a group of teens all laughing and messing around by the local cinema. At the edge of the group Ymir spotted two boys kissing like animals. It made her immediately look away and blush furiously when Krista entered her mind.

Ymir was well into adulthood and she hadn’t even had her first kiss yet. During school she had never been interested. Even as a young teen, Ymir would spend her days drinking and smoking. She didn’t feel all that bothered with her lack of experience, but now she had a strange burning in her gut and she wanted to see Krista.

Instead of going straight home Ymir continued on down the road and reached the park in minutes. Her apartment was only across the street, 5 minutes down the road.

To Ymir’s complete delight Krista was seated at their bench. Before walking any further she paused and realized what she had thought. ‘Their’. Did she really consider it a place of their own? Since it had been an unconscious thought and not forced on her part it meant that she accepted Krista and wanted her by her side. It was a very startling revelation, and Ymir nervously rubbed at the aching spot in her chest as it dawned on her.

Even if she did fancy the small blonde, which Ymir was almost certain she did, could it ever really amount to anything?

Whether it did or not, Ymir decided to shrug her worries away and hurried over to Krista, ignoring the fact that she was acting out of character.

Krista was wearing her school uniform and sat alone on the centre of the bench with her usual sketch book pressed against her lap. She was drawing something and when Ymir stepped up in front of her, blocking the light and alerting Krista that she was there, she glanced down to see what it was. The drawing made her heart clench and Krista quickly closed the book after squeaking in surprise.

“Why don’t you draw me honestly?” Ymir enquired.

Krista looked up at her and furrowed her eyebrows. “Wait… greet me before invading my privacy and asking weird questions!”

Ymir rolled her eyes and took a seat beside her, pressed up against Krista’s side because the blonde was right in the middle of the bench. When the blonde attempted to scoot over, Ymir snuck an arm behind her and wrapped it around her waist to keep her in place.

“Good morning.” Ymir grumbled. “Happy?”

Krista looked straight ahead, the book now clutched against her chest and her eyes wide. Firstly, Ymir was holding her and preventing her from putting space between them. Secondly, Ymir had actually listened to her.

“So I get no greeting back?” Ymir asked into Krista’s ear, mainly curious about how she would react with the close contact.

Surely enough Krista’s back straightened and she gasped loudly. “G-good morning Ymir!” she exclaimed a bit too stiffly.

“So? My question?”

Krista tried her best to recall what the question had been but Ymir’s warmth was swallowing her concentration and her mind just went blank. “Uh… um... wh-what question?” And of course she was blushing bright and red.

Ymir noticed all of this and for once she had to resist her lips’ urge to lift into a grin. “I asked why you don’t draw me honestly.”

“What do you mean?” Krista was too afraid to turn her head to look at Ymir because of how close they were sitting.

“When you draw me I don’t look thin or tired. You don’t add my hollow features or the dark circles under my eyes. Why?”

This time Krista turned her head and met Ymir’s curious eyes. “Because,” she reached out and gently touched Ymir’s strong jaw, “what I draw is the honest you. What you are now is not who you are, it’s a shadow of it. I still th-think you’re attractive, Ymir.” The blonde’s face had lit up all over again and the blush even crept up the back of her neck.

Ymir’s heart thundered in her chest as she listened and stared into Krista’s blue eyes. Suddenly the issue of age, that she had decided upon, didn’t exist. An image flashed in her mind of those boys kissing and then she looked down at Krista’s lips.

What would kissing her feel like?

Ymir wanted to know. She cared not for any excuses of worry. In that moment she only focused on the curiosity and sudden intense desire. And then she removed her arm from Krista’s waist so that she could lift her hands she cupped Krista’s face and leaned in close.

“Who are you?” Ymir asked softly. They were so close together that Krista could smell Ymir’s scent, the scent of the shampoo she used and she could feel the brunette’s warm breath brushing against her lips that were now quivering.

What was up with Ymir?! That smouldering gaze she was giving Krista, it was strange on the brunette’s normally empty face, but it was beautiful. The person gazing at Krista now was definitely not the same person she had approached three weeks ago. Just what was going on in Ymir’s head?

“K-Krista.” The blonde finally answered. Her entire body was shaking and burning at the same time and her heart was absolutely racing.

For the first time, Ymir smiled. It wasn’t sad or sarcastic, it was genuine and happy. Before Krista could even widen her eyes in shock Ymir dipped down and pressed their lips together. Krista’s eyes widened then, but then they shut tight and she nearly whimpered.

Ymir still gently held onto Krista face and wondered over the soft and warm feel of Krista’s lips. It wasn’t that intimate of a kiss, only a peck, but it was wonderful and when Ymir pulled back she released a shaky breath and sighed.

“So that’s what it’s like,” she muttered in wonder to herself.

Krista merely sat there in shock, eyes wide and mouth agape. She attempted to speak, but her mouth only moved with nothing coming out.

“Y-Ymir…” she eventually whispered almost too softly for Ymir to hear.

The brunette looked to the side, at Krista’s face, and smiled. “Don’t look so damn shocked. I only kissed you.” Ymir grumbled with a scowl, her smile now gone.

“B-but why… why did you…” Krista ran the tips of her fingers over her lip that still tingled.

Ymir shrugged. “I just felt like kissing you. Wasn’t that what you wanted anyway?”

Krista was still in a haze of shock and love. Her skin prickled against the cold wind and her chest tingled pleasantly. The thought that Ymir actually wanted to kiss her made Krista’s insides turn to jelly. Because of that she struggled to formulate coherent words and only gaped again.

Before Ymir could make a comment on how she looked like a fish a raindrop plopped against Ymir’s hand and she glanced down at the bead of water.

“It’s going to rain.” she stated and looked up at the sky full of dark, heavy clouds. A thought occurred to her when she looked back to Krista. “Why aren’t you in school?”

“I… um…” Krista had regained some of her intelligence back and tried to think of a believable story, but then she sighed and decided to tell a semblance of the truth. “I’m bunking today.”

Ymir nodded and stood. “Okay.” She started to walk with her hands in her pockets and the hood of her jacket pulled up, but then she paused and glanced over her shoulder at a sad looking Krista. “Why are you still sitting?”

Krista sprang up and sputtered. “Because you… you’re leaving and… and…”

Ymir pointed at the sky, eyebrow lifted. “It’s going to rain and the bus doesn’t come around until afternoon.” She then pointed in the general direction of her apartment. “You can wait at my place until another bus comes around.” And then she started slinking off again, confident that Krista would follow.

The blonde did, though she wondered how Ymir knew that she took the bus to get here. She decided that it wasn’t that important and hurriedly stuffed her book and stationary into her school bag and then she swung it over her shoulder and ran to catch up to Ymir. When she managed to make it to her side she had to hurry her steps because of Ymir’s long strides. The brunette really was a lot taller than her and it didn’t help that Krista was already short for her age.

They remained silent as they walked, Ymir content and Krista too nervous to say anything. And as they walked side by side Ymir noticed for the first time that there were various Christmas decorations set up all along the street, on the lamps or by the windows of the shops. She didn’t comment on it and eventually they both ascended the stairs and Ymir unlocked and opened her door, holding it to the side for the blonde to enter first.

Thankfully the place wasn’t as messy as it usually was, but Ymir was still slightly ashamed when Krista glanced around and spotted the multitude of empty bottles on the coffee tables with empty cigarette boxes and used cigarette buds.

“I don’t have food so I can’t offer anything.” Ymir commented and made her way into the kitchen. “I have water though.”

Krista followed the taller woman into the kitchen and nervously stood close to her by the counter. “No, uh, it’s fine. I’m not thirsty or anything.”

“Great.” Ymir leaned against the counter and folded her arms across her chest. What could they talk about now? She had no idea what to say and it was starting to feel awkward.

“Ymir… uh…” Krista spoke up, saving Ymir from hurting herself too much by trying to think of a conversation topic. “About earlier, you kissed me… You said that you wanted to but… but why did you want to?” The blonde shifted her feet nervously and dropped her gaze to the floor. She needed to know because the need to was burning her inside.

Ymir unfolded her arms and shrugged. “I don’t really know.” she admitted. “But it was awesome.”

Krista’s heart skipped a beat. “Awesome? Does that mean… that… that you wouldn’t mind doing it again?” And it skipped another beat.

Ymir felt her eyes widen. Was she asking for…? “I guess I… wouldn’t mind…” This time she felt nervous and blushed slightly.

Krista, still looking down, stepped up closer to Ymir and swallowed. “N-now?”

Ymir swallowed too. “Okay.” She held onto Krista’s face like before and lifted the blonde’s head, forcing their gazes to meet. They both looked into each other’s eyes for a long time and for once Krista could see the emotion inside of Ymir’s eyes. It made her pulse race.

Slowly and deliberately Ymir lowered her face until she felt Krista’s lips slip between her own. A frozen moment passed, and then their lips brushed together and Krista reached out with both hands to clutch at Ymir’s shirt.

A torrent of emotion filled both of them, sparked by the kiss, and when they pulled back Krista was sobbing and burying her face against Ymir’s chest. All the brunette could do was hold her and wait for the blonde to calm down.

“It hurts.” Krista finally exclaimed, still crying against Ymir’s chest and wetting her shirt with tears.

Ymir’s heart clenched painfully at Krista’s words and her eyes narrowed. “What hurts, Krista?” She fully enveloped the girl in her long arms and pulled her up, cradling her against her chest.

“Everything,” Krista cried, “everything.”

The kiss had been everything Krista had wanted. It had been sweet and beautiful and it had ached so badly. She could feel Ymir’s lips quivering against her own, the brunette’s pulse racing against her skin. She could feel her own mask crumbling as Ymir’s warmth encompassed her and destroyed the strong front she had held up for so long. For once she acted like the weak, damaged person she felt like.

And it was all because of this equally damaged person who had accepted her into her arms.


	5. Chapter 5

After crying her heart out Krista remained in Ymir’s arms, drinking the brunette’s comfort in. A while after she ran out of tears they were still embracing, and due to the total security she felt, Krista fell asleep right there in Ymir’s arms. It had been a struggle to remain there while the blonde sobbed, but Ymir had stood still and simply stared over her head at the fading colour of the wall. When the blonde sagged against her, she sighed and curled her other arm underneath Krista’s legs. She then lifted her up and carried the sleeping teen towards her bedroom, where she gently placed her down on the dirty sheets. Ymir felt slightly bad at Krista having to sleep on sheets she hadn’t washed in far too long a time, but it was better than the couch.

Instead of leaving like she should have, Ymir sat down beside the blonde and looked down at her peaceful face. Gone were the shattered sobs and heavy breaths. Her chest lifted gently as she breathed evenly and the still wet tears began to dry along her face. There was no way Ymir could leave her there alone. She knew she should. She goddamn should wake Krista up, send her home and head to work. But she couldn’t bring herself to. Her heart pulled painfully and she had to rub a hand over her chest, above her heart, to sooth it.

After at least an hour of an intense internal battle, Ymir finally pulled her phone out and quietly left the room to place a call.

After a few rings the call was answered and the voice of Ymir’s boss filtered through. “Hello?”

“Boss, I’m taking the day off.” Ymir said while pacing around the lounge. She nervously ran her hand through her hair, still not convinced that she was being smart.

“Oh… uh… is everything okay?” He was surprised, to say the least. Firstly, Ymir hadn’t asked, she merely stated that she would be off. Secondly, she had never requested an off day before, despite how late she often arrived at work.

“Just something I need to take care of.” Ymir answered.

It was cryptic, but her boss could hear the strange tightness in Ymir’s voice. That alone convinced him. “Of course. Take as many days off as you need. We just hired someone today, so we’ll get him to take over your shift. Take care, okay?”

“Sure,” and then Ymir ended the call and tossed her phone onto the couch. If it wasn’t for her boss then she would never have had the thing.

Ymir made her way back into the room and settled down beside Krista on the bed. She turned onto her side and folded an arm underneath her head, watching Krista intently as the blonde still slept.

Could someone so small really hold so much sadness?

Hesitantly Ymir reached out and touched Krista’s soft cheek. She sucked in a deep breath and then wrapped her arms around the girl and simply pulled her against her body. The action made no sense, but it felt right, so she acted on it. Krista wasn’t startled awake by the action and seemed to almost welcome it with an unconscious whimper. Her hands instinctively clutched at Ymir’s shirt and she pressed her face to her shoulder.

Ymir shuddered and closed her eyes. A wave of exhaustion washed over her, and when she focused on Krista’s butterfly heartbeat, she let the fluttering lull her to sleep. It was the first content sleep she had ever experienced.

XxX

When Krista woke, it was alone. The light had also diminished and it was dark outside.

 _Did I really sleep most of the day away?_ Krista thought as she stretched her body out and spread her hands flat against the warm sheets. It was soft, but Krista paused and curled back into a ball when she caught a strong scent on the material. _It smells like her…_

The bed sheets were probably dirty, and it did smell sweaty, but it was Ymir’s sweat. It was where her body rested each night, where the brunette relaxed and slept. Krista’s mind began to spin and adrenalin filled her veins. The scent was intoxicating and she was on her way to getting high.

What was this feeling, this suffocating feeling that was eating away at her body and soul and telling her to detest it as much as she needed it? Krista clenched her hands tight and shut her eyes as she allowed Ymir’s scent to burn her. It hurt, but it felt too good to resist.

“The fuck are you doing?” Ymir’s voice shocked Krista back into reality, out of her drug induced haze, and she immediately realized that she was still curled into a ball with her nose pressed to the mattress.

“Uh… n-nothing…”

“Are you…?” Ymir leaned over the small teen and stared down at her with a disturbed look. “Are you sniffing my sheets?”

Krista’s entire face lit up with an incredible blush and she immediately hid it behind her hands. Instead of remaining like that and being horrified, Krista began to giggle. It was soft at first, muffled behind her hands, but then it grew until the blonde’s shoulders were shaking and she had to clutch at her sides.

“Did I spill some alcohol on there or something?” Ymir asked, still confused and disturbed. She watched Krista laugh like a maniac and wondered if she hadn’t let a possible serial killer take a nap on her bed.

No, of course not. Ymir was just trying to distract herself from how wonderful Krista’s laugh was making her feel. She clutched the hair at the back of her neck and tugged on it tightly, grumbling in her chest at the slight sting of pain.

At last Krista recovered from her laughing fit and when she sat up she wiped the tears from her face. “I’m sorry,” she apologised. “I don’t know why I just laughed like that.”

Ymir crawled onto the bed, silencing Krista as she leaned forward and touched their foreheads together. The brunette narrowed her eyes and stared hotly into Krista’s eyes, and then she grunted to herself and stood back up. Krista sighed in relief and her heart dropped in disappointment.

“You aren’t on any drugs.” Ymir folded her arms and grabbed her elbows. “So how the hell do you go from sobbing into my shirt to laughing like a lunatic? I’m a bit freaked out right now.”

Krista glanced up at Ymir and smiled softly. She would have been hurt had it been anyone else saying that to her, but Ymir’s voice and expression bore emotion, no matter what emotion it might have been, and seeing that was better than any drug she could have ever taken.

“You know, your nose scrunches up when you have that expression.”

Ymir’s one eyebrow lifted. “What expression?”

“That one you’re giving me now, like I just sprouted wings or something.”

“Well of course I’m disturbed. This is fucking weird.” Ymir threw her hands up into the air, grumbling in annoyance, but she quickly turned around to hide the uncomfortable blush on her face. It bothered her that Krista’s meaningless observation evoked such a strong reaction in her. So fucking what if that blonde brat noticed what her nose decided to look like when she pulled a face?

“Ymir?”

Ymir paused by her bedroom door and realized she had started walking without even doing what she came here to do. She turned her upper body towards Krista and released a breath through her nose. “If you want you may take a shower and get out of your school clothes. I don’t want anyone finding out I let a minor bunk in my apartment. I could get into real shit for that.”

“But I don’t have any clothes…”

“Dig around in my drawers for something. Nothing’ll fit, but it’s better than school clothes and being naked. Unless you prefer being naked.” Ymir grinned. “I wouldn’t mind.”

Krista’s eyes widened. “I’ll take a shower but I won’t stay naked.” She looked off to the side to hide another blush.

Ymir just cackled evilly as she left to return to the kitchen, where she had migrated to once she woke up after her nap with a cute blonde.

Krista did as Ymir had suggested and took a shower. The bathroom was as equally dirty and unkempt as the rest of the house, and Krista noted that it was most probably a projection of how Ymir felt inside. Why be clean on the outside when she felt messy on the inside?

After the quick shower Krista found something in Ymir’s few clothes to wear. Most of it was dirty, with Ymir’s scent still clinging strongly to the fabric. Either that or the strong bitter smell of alcohol and smoke. Krista shied away from the latter. She did, however, choose a long sleeved grey shirt. It was like a dress when she slipped it on, and when she found a surprisingly clean pair of boxers to put on too, she felt like a little kid.

Krista rolled the sleeves up before she built the courage to leave the room and show Ymir how ridiculous she looked. She found Ymir in the kitchen, standing by the stove and concentrating so hard that it took a few utterances of her name for Ymir to realize Krista was there.

“Oh shit, sorry I was–” After turning around to apologise Ymir’s eyes fell onto Krista and she immediately froze. Her entire body went rigid and her eyes widened. For a second Krista thought that the brunette was simply baffled by how stupid she looked, and that she would bellow in laughter. But Ymir didn’t.

Ymir actually swallowed loudly, gained a confused and pained expression and then she simultaneously turned back to the stove and pointed at the couch. “Sit.” It was a shaky command.

Krista didn’t know what to make of Ymir’s reaction, but her pulse was racing with excitement. She obeyed Ymir and took a seat on the couch. Krista noticed that the beer bottles from earlier had all been cleaned up. Had Ymir cleaned up while she slept? Why would she do that?

“Here,” Ymir said and appeared by Krista’s side with two plates in her hands. One of them she handed to a surprised blonde.

“You made this?”

Ymir nodded and plopped down beside her. “Yeah.” She offered nothing more and found the remote on the coffee table. While she switched the TV on and channel surfed, Krista watched her face.

“Ymir?”

“Mm?”

Krista glanced down at her plate. “About what you said earlier… about getting into trouble for letting me bunk here…”

Ymir gave up on the TV and focused her attention onto Krista, curious. “Yeah, so? Even if they do give me shit, I won’t take it. I just don’t want an angry father kicking my door down or something.”

“No… I just… I want to let you know that I haven’t been completely honest.”

 _Big shocker there_ , Ymir thought sarcastically. “Then what are you trying to say?”

Krista’s lip began to tremble. “I’m not going to school because it’s closed. I’m on holiday and I have been since the end of November.”

Ymir blinked, and then she blinked again. “Then why the fuck are you skipping around in your skirt and catching a bus?”

Krista nervously moved the food around on her plate with a fork. “I… my parents, they don’t know that I’m on holiday. I never told them so they think I’m at school. I wouldn’t be able to visit the park otherwise.” Ymir remained silent, allowing this new information to process. She then turned to fully watch Krista’s fallen, nervous expression. “See, my father he… he’s… he’s very–”

Suddenly Krista’s face was roughly grabbed and turned, and then hot lips covered hers and Ymir swallowed her painful words. When the brunette pulled away a small inner part of her had a mini panic attack at the sudden kiss, but she remained calm and serious on the outside and she remained that way as she moved back to look down at Krista’s face.

“Shut up.”

“E-excuse me?”

“I said, shut up.” Ymir’s eyes glinted. “It doesn’t matter.”

Krista’s mind puzzled and she opened her mouth to say that, but Ymir kissed her again before any words could escape. Like she had been doing all day, Krista blushed.

“What’s already happened doesn’t matter. I don’t care about any of that crap.” Ymir gently ran her thumb over Krista’s cheek and barely hid her nervous smile. “So, it doesn’t matter. What matters is now and tomorrow, not yesterday. Yesterday is gone, and it doesn’t have to define you.”

This time Krista had to blink a few times. She understood.

She was fully prepared to tell Ymir of the terrible childhood she had suffered, because of the chauvinistic, sexist, aggressive and uncaring man she called ‘father’. Because of the mother that barely even looked at her and only pretended to care when their reputation was in question. But Ymir was right. None of it mattered.

Maybe they would talk about it someday, but Ymir didn’t need Krista to explain herself. Her opinion of the blonde wouldn’t change. It didn’t matter, because it could never be changed.

Suddenly Krista’s eyes filled to the brim with tears and she sniffled.

“Jesus Christ, are you crying again? I swear, I don’t understand girls sometimes.” Ymir grumbled mostly to herself and released Krista’s face to focus on her meal, the one she had actually made herself, to hide the worry she felt.

Krista smiled as tears were now running down her face, and she too focused on the food and took a bite of what looked like a potato. The intense mood was immediately shattered when Krista tasted the food. Her face contorted in distaste and then her face paled.

“Ymir?”

“What is it now?”

“You made this, right?”

Ymir tilted her head in confusion. “Yeah, I did. Is there anyone else here to cook?”

Krista took a breath and grabbed the plate from Ymir’s lap. She ignored Ymir’s angered yell of ‘hey!’ and carried the plates to the kitchen. At once she dumped the food into the trash and then washed the dishes in the sink.

“What the fuck was that?!” Ymir roared.

Krista turned around while wiping her hands off on a dirty dishtowel. “Ymir, you can’t cook to save a life. You could have poisoned us.”

Ymir’s anger was then replaced by irritation and embarrassment. “Liar.”

“What?”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Ymir…”

“You’re only getting me back for making you cry. I can totally cook. How do you think I’ve survived all this time?” Ymir was almost pouting, arms crossed over her chest.

Krista slowly stepped backwards until she had reached the fridge, and then without looking away from Ymir’s stubborn gaze, she opened the fridge and presented the absolute nothingness inside. “ _How_ did you even survive?”

Ymir opened her mouth to respond, and then she closed it. Krista was right.

Krista smiled in triumph and even looked smug. “Will you order pizza then?”

All Ymir did to respond was nod slowly and then drag her feet out of the kitchen as she made her way to the lounge to retrieve her phone.

Her head was swimming. When had anyone ever defeated her so quickly, or at all?


	6. Chapter 6

After reluctantly ordering pizza for them, as Krista had asked, Ymir decided to occupy her couch and sulk for a bit. She considered kicking the blonde out to get back at her, but more than that she wanted her to stay. After that kiss that they had shared Ymir decided that she liked Krista and wanted to discover if she could like her any more than she already did. But that didn’t mean she was okay with Krista throwing her food away like that. Sure, it probably did taste like crap but she’d gone out of her own damn way to make it.

When Krista walked into the lounge Ymir quickly picked her lip up and switched the TV on. She sat back and stared at the screen as if she had been doing that the entire time. She ignored the blonde, since she was still mad at her.

Krista felt slightly nervous, and genuinely worried that she had done something unnecessary, but then she noticed how Ymir was pouting and she realized it was just a case of a bruised ego. Her heart fluttered suddenly and her mouth moved without her conscious consent.

“You are really attractive when you pout.” She immediately covered her mouth with a hand after saying that and looked away in embarrassment.

Ymir stiffened, and then she slowly turned to regard the blonde. Her eyebrows were lifted in bewilderment. A tiny blush dusted her freckled cheeks and for a moment Ymir struggled with choosing a response.

Should she be abrasive and mean, or ignore the comment altogether? Strangely, Ymir decided on a different approach.

“Thanks,” she said casually like she wasn’t feeling incredibly awkward.

Krista’s eyes widened slightly in surprise, and then she couldn’t help but giggle and shyly glance at Ymir. “I thought you would be super mad.”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, it was kind of nice to hear.” She looked back towards the TV and then pulled Krista up against her side with an arm wound around her waist. The blonde gasped in surprise and stared down at her lap in embarrassment.

“You’re cute when you blush,” Ymir supplied off-handedly.

“R-really?” Krista smiled in delight. She was even getting compliments from the brunette now?

“Yeah.”

The voice sounded closer than expected, and Krista jerked in fright when Ymir’s face appeared directly in front of hers. She met the brunette’s amused brown eyes and glanced down at her lips that were smirking.

“Your reactions are strange but amusing,” Ymir said. She noticed how Krista glanced longingly at her lips, and the sight made her bite her bottom lip. Krista watched this and her face flushed.

 _I really want to kiss her,_ Krista thought. _Will she let me? Well… we did it earlier… so maybe…_

Krista was trembling from the nerves. Her heart was pounding and her chest felt too hot. Her head swam and before she could chicken out Krista leaned forward and pressed her lips to Ymir’s.

The brunette was expecting it, so she smiled against Krista’s lips and gently cupped her cheeks in her hands. She guided Krista’s lips with her own, brushing against them with purpose. Krista made a soft noise and grabbed a hold of Ymir’s shirt sleeves. Her eyes were shut tight and she could barely think as Ymir kissed her so thoroughly.

Ymir struggled to breathe. Her chest felt too hot and constricted, and her nostrils flared as her lungs demanded more air, but she could not get herself to pull back. She decided to go with the most painful option and continued to kiss the tiny blonde in her hands.

Was it normal for someone’s lips to taste like chocolate? Maybe the girl had eaten some earlier. Ymir enjoyed it, and when she wondered what Krista’s tongue would taste like, she tentatively stroked Krista’s bottom lip with her tongue. Krista couldn’t stop a little moan from escaping and she opened her mouth instinctively.

Ymir suddenly pulled the small girl onto her lap, and then she slipped her tongue inside and brushed it against Krista’s. The blonde shuddered violently and lifted her hands to run through Ymir’s messy brown hair. After long moments of kissing she decided to circle Ymir’s neck with her arms but kept one hand pressed to the back of her neck, fingers partially lost in her hair and her thumb brushing patterns against her skin.

Fire and ice danced along Ymir’s skin. Her chest heaved painfully, but she couldn’t stop. She needed this. She let Krista’s face go to circle her body and pull her as close as she could. With their chests now fully pressed together, Ymir followed her instincts and desires and allowed a hand to venture underneath the blonde girl’s shirt. She felt another shudder pass through her and that encouraged her to gently run her fingertips along Krista’s warm stomach. The skin felt like silk, and it almost burnt Ymir’s fingertips. Her hand lifted higher, daring to move further up.

_Shit, Ymir stop already! She’s a fucking kid. Since when are you into fucking kids? Kissing her is bad enough but this… touching her is…. This should stop…_

Ymir growled deeply in her chest at herself. Her logic screamed at her to stop, but she ignored it. Her hand crawled even higher and still she ignored it.

If the doorbell hadn’t suddenly gone then, effectively startling them out of that delicious, suffocating kiss, then Ymir would have done something that she shouldn’t have.

“P-pizza!” Krista squeaked out as she jumped off of Ymir’s lap. Her face was absolutely red, her hair was tousled and her shirt was crumpled. The blonde quickly fixed her appearance while Ymir watched with dark, emotion-filled eyes.

The emotion quickly drained, and Ymir stood to answer the door. It was in fact the pizza delivery, and after paying for it she returned to the lounge and found Krista sitting on the couch again, running a finger over her lip.

Ymir briefly wondered what would have happened if the moment had not been ruined, but then she decided not to care and sat down beside Krista. Even though the blonde seemed nervous she made sure to press up against her, and dropped the pizza box onto the coffee table.

“Here,” Ymir grabbed a slice and offered it.

Krista blinked and then accepted the food with a small “thanks”. She didn’t immediately raise it to her lips, though, and stared down at the triangle slice in uncertainty.

Ymir was already stuffing her face, and when she noticed she rolled her eyes and bumped shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

“I, uh…” Krista looked up at Ymir and then blushed. “I’ve never eaten with my hands before.”

Ymir paused in chewing and just stared at Krista for a long while, blinking. “Are you serious?”

Krista nodded in embarrassment.

Ymir suddenly burst out laughing, and then she grabbed Krista’s wrist and forced the food close to her mouth. “You just lift it, open your mouth and bite. See?” She demonstrated by shoving a large piece of pizza into her own mouth. “Shee? Notsh sho hard!”

Krista would have cringed at Ymir talking with her mouth full, but currently the brunette looked and sounded adorable, so Krista giggled softly and then removed Ymir’s hand from around her wrist. She intertwined their fingers and rested their joined hands on her lap, and then she copied Ymir and took a bite. While she chewed she saw Ymir’s nod of approval, and then she smiled in happiness.

Krista had never known that the brunette could be this fun.

“So,” Ymir spoke up after swallowing. “I’ve been wondering. How old are you anyway?”

Krista, still gracefully nibbling on the same slice, swallowed hastily and caressed Ymir’s hand with her thumb. “I’ll be sixteen next year.”

Ymir froze mid-bit, on her second slice of pizza, and then she swallowed hard. Krista noticed and she grew concerned.

“Ymir what’s wrong?”

Ymir shrugged lightly and then pulled her hand out of Krista’s. She felt gratefully uncomfortable now, and her previous good mood dropped. She didn’t answer for a long time, until Krista leaned into her and reached out for her hand. She didn’t react and let the blonde clasp their hands together.

“How old are you, Ymir?”

Ymir sighed. “I’ll be twenty-six next year.”

“Wow, you’re ten years older!”

Ymir nodded and stood up. She disappeared into the kitchen, pretending to need something. “Did you eat enough?” she threw over her shoulder.

Krista watched her go. “Yeah! Thank you.”

Ymir returned quickly and joined Krista by the couch again. Instead of flinching away from her like she probably should have, Ymir thoughtfully tapped her wrist and then slid her hand along Krista’s to intertwine their fingers.

Krista’s heart pounded at the action.

“Do you always flirt with old ladies, kid?” Ymir asked.

Krista grew unimpressed. “You aren’t old, Ymir. Ten years isn’t much.”

“Ten years is a lot when you’re still in diapers.”

Krista puffed up. “I am not still in diapers!”

Ymir chuckled. “You’re still a kid, Krista.”

“So?” Krista grew serious and leaned heavily against Ymir. Their size difference was great, which was made worse by the age difference. Ymir was a lot taller and a lot bigger, and the brunette’s hand engulfed Krista’s, but the blonde liked it. It made her feel safe. “You make me happy Ymir. How old you are doesn’t matter.”

Ymir tilted her head. “I make you happy?” She genuinely considered that for a long moment. What had she done in the short span of time with the blonde to make her happy? They barely knew each other. Ymir wasn’t even sure if what was happening should be allowed to happen. “How?”

Krista smiled affectionately. “You just do. When you look at me and when I look at you. I like hearing your voice. You smell really nice too.” She blushed furiously as she explained this, but she felt like she definitely needed to get it out.

“You’re weird,” Ymir finally answered. She wouldn’t meet the blonde’s gaze because she was flattered and embarrassed and still confused. Her chest started to ache again, so she absently rubbed a hand over the spot. It was right in the centre of her heart. “And illogical,” she whispered more to herself.

Eventually the pair regained their cool and moved on from the awkward moment. Ymir found a music station on the TV and switched it to that so that they could have soft music playing in the background while they spoke.

Krista and Ymir spent a while sitting together on the couch, holding hands and sharing an occasional kiss. Conversation flowed easily, often falling back to Ymir’s teases and her displeasure at something Krista was prone to do. Despite their obvious differences, they got along really well. The longer they spoke the more Ymir grew comfortable. She even started to open up too, and at some point she considered that maybe Krista was right about them merely being happy in the other’s presence, and that age didn’t matter.

“It’s getting late,” Ymir said after returning to the lounge from the bathroom. “Shouldn’t you be getting home?”

Krista checked the clock. It was nearing nine. “Oh, I probably should. We have dinner pretty late and no one will notice that I’m gone until they call me to eat.” She stood up from the floor and dusted her skirt off, and then she approached Ymir and stopped before her with a smile. “So I should probably go now if I want to make it back. Thank you for everything Ymir, you don’t know how much this meant to me.” She went over to get her school bag and then she slung it over her shoulder.

Krista opened the door and made to leave, but Ymir slipped out beside her and quickly shut and locked the door.

“It’s night, idiot. You can’t walk home.” She pocketed her house keys and then tugged Krista along by her pullover.

XxX

The ride through the mostly empty streets was quiet. It was dark and cold, and the cars still on the streets were mostly those coming back from work or going to the grocery store last-minute.

Ymir was content to keep the silence going. She’d done more talking that day than she ever had, really. Taking a break felt nice. Besides, Krista didn’t look like she was up to talking anyway. Krista had grown sombre the moment they had climbed into the car, and it was getting worse the further they rode. Ymir hadn’t forgotten how they had ended up together that day in the first place. Krista’s anguished sobs still filled her conscience.

But she did not want to know. Whatever Krista was dealing with, it was the blonde’s problem. If she needed a shoulder Ymir wouldn’t particularly mind letting Krista use hers if she needed to, or her chest. She wasn’t good at comforting or at talking. How Krista still enjoyed her company was still a mystery.

Why was Ymir allowing this though? She never should have even engaged in conversation, or decided to figure out what her strange feelings were. They were bordering on need and affection. She knew this when she glanced over at the solemn blonde and her heart pulsed with a familiar painful heat. She absently rubbed at the spot again and cursed herself.

She goddamn hated people because it always made life more difficult than it should be.

Eventually Krista had to speak because Ymir needed directions to her house. The brunette grew suspicious when they neared one of the fancy neighbourhoods, but then Krista asked her to stop by a high-end looking shop. Ymir merely obeyed with a shrug and stopped her car in the parking lot.

It was obvious that Krista did not want Ymir to see where she lived, and Ymir was grateful.

“So…” Ymir said. Krista wasn’t moving or speaking, and it was becoming awkward.

“Thank you Ymir,” Krista responded. “And I’m sorry about earlier, for the crying.”

Ymir leaned back in her seat and waved her hand. ‘Tch, just don’t do it again, kid.”

Krista smiled, because she could see the light blush on Ymir’s face. She was about to open the door, but then she hesitated and stretched towards Ymir to lightly kiss her freckled cheek. Ymir turned to her in surprise afterwards, but the blonde had already gotten out of the car.

“Bye for now, freckles!” Krista said with a giggle. She gave a small wave and then she shut the door and started walking down the road.

Ymir muttered a soft goodbye under her breath, not conscious of the fact that no one was there to listen, while she watched the blonde walk until her figure melted into the dark. Ymir then sighed, started her car and headed back home.

XxX

Home was as empty as it had always been. No sounds lifted into the air, not even from the neighbours. It was as quiet as Ymir remembered, but she felt an odd sense of loneliness when she stepped into the lounge after returning home. It was now around ten in the night, and she felt uncharacteristically exhausted. But first, she needed to clean.

The lounge was an absolute mess. First to go was the pizza box, with a few slices left that Krista hadn’t eaten. Ymir put those in a plastic container and then shoved them into her fridge. She tore the box so that it would fit and then shoved that into the dustbin. Afterwards she shut her TV off and put the coffee table back where it belonged – they had moved it in order to sit on the floor while they spoke.

Ymir grabbed her towel from the couch where it had been draped and then threw it into the wash room. After that she grabbed a broom and swept the crumbs and such into the kitchen, where she scooped them up and then dumped them in the dustbin with a few stray beer bottles she had found.

When the cleaning had been done Ymir started to head for her room, but then she paused and turned sharply to regard the lounge.

“The fuck was I just cleaning?” she exclaimed to herself. Her eyebrows were drawn together and she had a deep frown.

Ymir didn’t clean. Ymir drank, smoked, passed out and left the place in a mess. Why the hell had she automatically cleaned her apartment after returning?

Ymir experimentally felt her forehead with her wrist, deduced that she had no fever, and then she hurried into the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror. She seemed okay. There were no bite marks on her body, or signs of anything weird on her.

Ymir was genuinely baffled, but then she sighed irritably and went to her bedroom window to have a smoke. It was relaxing to smoke after such a long day.

“That kid,” Ymir spoke to herself. “She’s turning me into a fucking housewife.”

A few more drags later and the cigarette was finished, so Ymir decided to change into her sleep wear and climb into bed. This felt weird, too. Insanely weird.

The brunette turned onto her side and released an irritated whine, but then she caught a scent of something and she paused. It was Krista’s. On her pillow, directly where her face was pressed, was the scent of Krista’s clean hair. It was oddly comforting, and Ymir fell asleep quickly when the comfort washed over her and allowed her to relax.


	7. Chapter 7

 “Look who returns!”

Ymir, standing in front of her work locker in the back room, paused just before retrieving her work clothes and glanced over her shoulder at her boss standing awkwardly at the end of the room.

“Yeah,” Ymir responded tonelessly.

Mr Stark, Ymir’s boss, shifted his weight onto his other foot and inclined his head. “Had a nice day off?”

Ymir turned forward again and regarded her hat, its green shade ugly and unattractive. She frowned deeply at it and didn’t answer.

Mr Stark folded his arms across his chest, unimpressed and definitely feeling awkward. For all the years he had known Ymir he had never really enquired about her day. The fact that she had demanded a day off worried him.

“What do you want?” Ymir finally asked.

Mr Stark released a large sigh. “Ymir, believe it or not, I was worried.”

“I take a day off and you worry?” Ymir snatched her green apron and bundled it up in her fist.

“You don’t usually take the day off.”

“Well yesterday I did.”

“And that was strange, so I’m trying to reach out to you.”

“I don’t want your misplaced pity.”

“It isn’t pity,” Mr Stark snapped. He placed a hand on his black beard and gripped onto the hairs to keep his head cool. Ymir wasn’t the only one with a temper, and he didn’t want to be reminded of why he had high blood pressure and of why he even bothered with someone who never returned his efforts.

“Then what is it?” Ymir didn’t say it as a snide comment. She unbundled the apron and hastily put it on. Afterwards she took the hat, but did not place it atop her head just yet.

“I care.”

Ymir snorted. “Care for what? For me?”

Mr Stark regarded her with a hard stare. “I’ve known you for more years than I can count. I’ve seen you go from a vibrant, energetic little shit to this empty alcoholic adult.”

Ymir was painfully reminded of her current physical state. Her head pounded and she hastily rubbed a thumb over her temple. “What is the point of your little speech?”

“I don’t know. I know less about feelings than you do. I just… I wanted to make sure that you’re okay.” A gleam of hope passed through his eyes and Ymir noticed it.

“Are you hoping I die off or something? Spare you the back-chat and the salary?”

Mr Stark furrowed his brows. “I’m hoping that you change. I want to see you get better.”

Ymir’s heart clenched. She thought of Krista, of the previous night when they had shared kisses and pizza and talk while sitting in her living room. Remembering the blonde set her breath to ease and her shoulders relaxed slightly. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Okay.” Ymir put the cap on and straightened it while watching her reflection in the small mirror glued to the inside of her locker.

Mr Stark felt pleased with himself for the effort and he had noticed the slight change in Ymir’s posture. “Alright, glad we got that cleared up.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and then took a step towards the door, but paused and looked back to Ymir. “Oh, Berik is eager to meet you. Be nice to him, I don’t need another man quitting because he’s scared of you.”

Ymir couldn’t stop a laugh from escaping and she put a hand over her mouth when it did. She shut her locker door, slammed a hand against it and bent her head to look at her boss. “Sure thing, boss. I’ll try not to make the little girls cry.” She smirked and successfully held in her second amused laugh.

Mr Stark smiled despite his eye-roll. “Thanks,” and then he pulled the door open and exited, heading towards his office.

Ymir chuckled to herself in amusement and then she glanced down at her feet, at the half empty beer can standing beside her boot. The taste of beer was still strong on her tongue, and with a great heave of a breath Ymir bent down, grabbed the bottle and downed the rest of its contents in one giant gulp. The previous throbbing in her head subsided slightly, and with a grunt she crushed the can and threw it into the nearby bin as she passed it.

Thoughts of Krista plagued her mind and she mulled over their last moment together. She wondered about where Krista came from, but in essence she didn’t care. Getting caught up in the girl’s problems only put her into the drama itself. Though, Ymir probably shouldn’t have kissed her.

Ymir ran a finger over her bottom lip, and then she smiled.

Nah, it was worth it.

“Ymir? It’s nice to finally meet you. I started just yesterday and I’ve heard a lot about you already.”

Ymir paused by the cash register and narrowed her eyes at the man. He had his arm outstretch, hand waiting to enclose around hers and shake. She merely stared at it, and then she flicked her eyes back up to his face.

He was deeply tanned, more so than Ymir, and he had midnight black hair slicked back with gel, exposing his forehead and making his dark green eyes glow. He attempted to smile charmingly, and Ymir supposed other females with that inclination would have found it attractive, but she didn’t.

“What have you heard?” she asked.

Berik’s smile faltered and he eventually withdrew his arm. “A lot, all true I see.”

Ymir grinned. “Most likely.”

“Look, I don’t want enemies.” He stared her straight in the eye and lifted his hands, as if Ymir had a knife to his throat. “The stories of you are most frightening.”

Ymir shrugged. “Don’t shit at my feet and I won’t bite your face off.”

Berik titled his head in confusion, but then their other co-worker passed by and put a hand on his shoulder.

“She means don’t annoy her and she won’t yell at you,” he clarified. He had worked with Ymir long enough to decipher her foreign tongue.

“Oh,” Berik nodded. “Makes sense.”

Ymir bit into her bottom lip, and then she brushed past them both and went to retrieve a mop, since one of their customers had just dropped his coffee and it had sprayed everywhere. She decided to get to it before Stark yelled at her to.

While she cleaned the mess, with the young man apologising profusely in her ear, Ymir felt eyes on her back. Turning her gaze slightly, she spotted Berik watching her. He smiled, and this time it was not friendly. Ymir couldn’t figure out his intent, but then a customer required his attention and he looked away.

An unpleasant chill swept through Ymir and in that moment she decided that she hated Berik to his very core.

XxX

Hours went by slower than Ymir had liked, and she had been secretly hoping to see a familiar blonde bound through the coffee shop doors. She barely paid attention to Berik’s gratingly annoying voice, as all she could think about was Krista. It irritated her, but it was perhaps the only thing that allowed her to get through the day. However, she felt thirsty and her throat was dry. Beer sounded really nice right about then.

“Ymir, it’s late. Berik will close up so you can leave now if you want.” Mr Stark announced from the doorway to his office.

Berik grinned. “Leave the fortress to me, feared Ymir.”

Ymir glared in his direction but nodded faintly to Stark and then headed to the back room, taking her uniform off. Once it was shoved into her locker and she closed it, Ymir pulled her jacket back on and made for the door.

Krista hadn’t shown up. Had her family known that she was away all day? Did she get into trouble?

Ymir was worried. She felt guilty. Logic told her that she shouldn’t have invited the blonde home; she should have sent her on her way home. But her heart argued, and when a new war waged inside of her head Ymir slapped a palm against her forehead and cursed lightly under her breath. She really needed a goddamn drink.

So she left the coffee shop and walked across the street to the nearby bar. She hadn’t been there in over a year, ever since the one time she had started a huge bar fight and punched the son of the bar’s owner so hard that he lost a couple of teeth. She hoped that no one remembered her face, because she really just wanted to park her ass down and drink.

The conversations inside of the bar didn’t cease when she stepped through the doors, and no one paused to look in her direction. The only one that did acknowledge her presence was the bartender, because she hastily walked towards him and sat down on one of the high chairs.

She lifted a hand and opened her mouth to utter ‘the usual’, but dropped it and paused because she didn’t know this man and he didn’t know her and it was likely that he wouldn’t know what she usually drank.

“Beer?” he offered.

Ymir nodded. The bartender, probably not older than twenty-five, with dark blonde hair, a prominent nose and slight hair on his top lip and chin, turned to pour a glass of beer as requested. Once done, he placed a coaster onto the bar and then the cup on top of it.

“Enjoy,” he said, walking off afterwards to the other end of the bar to tend to someone else.

Ymir stared down at the glass. A droplet of condensation dribbled down the side, and inside slight bubbles lifted from the bottom of the glass. Without a thought Ymir downed it.

The bar had darkened considerably, but hanging lights provided shallow illumination. A TV on a stand near the bar blared, showing one or the other sports game that Ymir had no interest for. Plenty of people spoke, but it wasn’t obnoxious, at least. It created a quiet din of noise, enough to lull one into the relaxation of the early night.

Ymir had a few more glasses of beer until she felt a pleasant buzz, enough to drown out the irritation she felt at not seeing Krista yet, and the worry of why she hadn’t shown up. It was only Wednesday, so surely she had left home to pretend that she was going to school.

For a moment Ymir considered what kind of parents Krista must have had that they wouldn’t even know when their daughter was on holiday, and that she pretended to still go to school in order to go out on her own.

Ymir denied the stirrings of anger in her gut, and instead she ordered whiskey in place of beer. The bartender quietly gave her the drink.

Ymir gripped the glass tightly. Her chest and throat burned and she desired to completely wipe her memory, not just buzz her way to freedom. But before she could lift the glass to her lips, someone dropped into the seat beside her and the heavy, unpleasant scent of cologne stung Ymir’s nose, making her cringe away from it.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Berik said with a grin. “Never saw you as the drinking type.” By the way he smiled Ymir knew that he meant the exact opposite. It was plainly obvious that she drank, and any ape with eyeballs could see that.

“What the hell do you want?” she growled.

“Want? Nothing with you. I came to drink.” Berik flicked his wrist and the bartender went to make his drink, apparently aware of what he usually drank.

Ymir suddenly felt uncomfortable, and after throwing money onto the table she stood from the seat and headed for the door.

“Headed out so soon?” Berik called after her, and when she didn’t respond he laughed.

Ymir did not like the man. She cursed the fact that she now had to work with him, and wondered what she could do to get him to quit. She had tried her intimidation on him throughout the day, but he had merely pretended to feel scared, despite his earlier statement that he found the stories of Ymir frightening.

It set Ymir’s blood on fire. The brunette shoved a hand into her pocket and pulled her cigarettes and lighter out. While she lit a smoke and took a drag, she crossed the street towards the coffee shop where her car was parked, right in front of it.

She hastily got into her car, drew the window down for the smoke and then ignited the engine. The radio switched on automatically, and the first sound that filtered through was the annoying jingle of a Christmas song. Ymir looked to her car stereo and blinked.

“Tomorrow is Christmas,” Ymir said softly. “I forgot.”

She had never really celebrated Christmas. The most she did was get more wasted than usual with the Christmas bonus she got.

Suddenly, as if knowing of her train of thought, her phone rang. It was Stark.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Haven’t left yet? I can see your car.”

Ymir leaned to the side and noticed Mr Stark standing by his office window. She sent him a glare.

“What do you want?”

“You have tomorrow off, for Christmas. I forgot to mention it earlier.”

Ymir took a long drag from her smoke and then blew a string of smoke out of the window while contemplating. “How come, boss?”

“Berik offered to take your shift. We won’t stay open for that long, so you get the entire day off.”

Ymir thought of arguing, just to make things difficult, but then she just shrugged. “Okay.” She ended the call and threw the phone onto the passenger seat. Mr Stark waved to her as she reversed, and reluctantly she nodded back as she drove away. 

XxX

Ymir wasn’t sure what irritated her more; the fact that relief washed over her so intensely she had to swallow in order to recover, or that a certain blonde teenager had managed to get into her apartment without her permission.

Ymir gave Krista a long, hard stare, and then she reached around her for the door but Krista, once again, stopped her.

“Krista, let me open my damn door.”

Krista smiled despite her nervousness and gently took both of Ymir’s hands into her own. “Do you know what tomorrow is?” she asked.

Ymir’s shoulders dropped and she closed her eyes for a moment to reign her temper in. She wasn’t drunk, thanks to leaving the whisky behind, but she still had a few drinks in her. She was very close to angrily lashing out at the blonde. All Ymir wanted to do was lie on her couch and pass out, not play a guessing game with a teenager.

“Look kid, I don’t have time for your games. I didn’t even let you get into my house, I could get you arrested.”

Krista released Ymir’s hands to cross her arms over her chest. “Oh really?”

“Yes really.”

Krista rolled her eyes. “And I’ll just say that you kissed me. Who would they believe more?”

Ymir’s temple throbbed. “Listen here you fucking teenager, I am in no mood for this shit. Let me into my goddamn house.”

Krista cringed slightly, and then she sighed and reluctantly moved out of the way so that Ymir could finally open her front door and go inside. She had tried to about five minutes earlier, but Krista had seen the door handle move and she had been quick to slip out of the door and force Ymir to stay outside. She just hoped Ymir wouldn’t pop a vein the moment she stepped through the door.

“Krista,” Ymir called out softly, not sounding as angry as Krista had feared. The blonde stepped into the apartment and paused by Ymir’s side. The brunette’s eyes were wide. “What is this?”

Krista smiled happily, confident that she hadn’t messed up and that this was still a good idea. “Well, it’s Christmas tomorrow… and I’m pretty sure you forgot about it, so I thought, ‘couldn’t hurt, right?’ and I spent the entire day here after you left for work.”

Ymir listened quietly, eyes moving over the entirety of the room that had been decorated with every Christmas decoration imaginable. The room looked intensely clean, too, and Ymir was shocked to see a few new pieces of furniture. Like the TV, for example.

“Where are my TV and my couch?” Ymir asked, still in a soft, shocked voice.

Krista nervously wrung her hands together. “Well, your TV was really kind of old. I mean, can you even put a USB in there? There was no HDMI port either! I had to, I seriously had to. Your couch was majorly smelly and dirty and it really needed to go, especially if I’m going to be here often.”

Ymir suddenly grabbed Krista by her shoulders and pulled her in front of her. Ymir’s breaths came in short, hurried gasps. Her face coloured lightly with red, and it made her freckles stand out all the more. Ymir bit deeply into her bottom lip, as if supressing a loud shout, which quite frankly, Krista was completely expecting.

But then Ymir wordlessly released her hold and wrapped her arms around Krista, pulling her into a tight hug.

Krista was physically swept off of her feet and lifted up into Ymir’s arms. It was amusing how great their height difference was, but Krista eased herself by knowing that she still had years left to grow.

“You know,” Ymir finally said, still holding Krista tightly to her chest. The blonde had her hands wound around Ymir’s neck, and she gently caressed the skin there with her thumbs.

“Mm?”

“I kiss a kid and she buys me things,” Ymir said with a chuckle. “If I’d known I’d have kissed you longer.”

Krista gasped playfully and unwound her arms to gently slap Ymir’s chest. “I didn’t do this because you kissed me!”

Ymir pulled back to look into her eyes. “Would you have if I hadn’t?”

Krista lifted a hand to argue that she would have, but then she realized that Ymir was actually right, since the kiss had deepened their relationship which had allowed her to do this for Ymir, so her argument deflated and her finger curled in defeat.

“I guess… you’re right.”

Ymir laughed and set Krista down onto her feet.

“So you aren’t mad? You like it?”

Ymir looked around the room again. “Well, Christmas annoys the shit out of me, but I guess I could handle the place for a day or two.”

“You better, since tomorrow I’ll be coming over again!”

Ymir paused. “Aren’t you doing something with your family?”

“Nope. They usually go away to Hawaii or something. I’m always left behind, so this time I can spend it with you!”

Ymir’s heart clenched uncomfortably at the warmth and hope that filled Krista’s eyes. Was this kid really that happy about being able to hang out with Ymir? It put Ymir’s many arguments against this relationship on hold, and she swallowed painfully as her heart began to thump.

“Well,” Ymir took a breath. “Thanks, I guess.” She looked away hastily and then started for the kitchen, suddenly thirsty again. Unfortunately she had nothing in the fridge, so she would have to settle for tap water, but then Krista followed her and opened the fridge just as Ymir reached for a glass.

“What the shit,” Ymir exclaimed.  

“You need to start eating properly. Well, just eating in general.”

Ymir noticed the bottles of beer lining the fridge door. “How the hell did you get alcohol?”

Krista smiled faintly. “I have contacts. I don’t like that you drink, but you’ll need to stop slowly.”

“And who says I’m going to stop?”

“Won’t you?” Krista’s eyes drooped and she pouted cutely, looking very much like a sad puppy.

Ymir kicked at the ground and sighed. “If you can teach me how to cook then maybe I’ll start eating again.”

The question was dodged but the answer was made obvious on Ymir’s face. Krista grinned in pure happiness.

“I can do that, and more.” she said and approached the brunette after closing the fridge. She tugged lightly at her shirt. “Can I maybe get a kiss?”

“Do you realise this makes me a paedophile?”

“I’ve always wanted a sugar mommy.”

“What the hell?”

“Yes the hell.”

“Holy shit, how old are you?”

“I’m fifteen. Now are you going to kiss me or not?”

“When did you go from blushing and stuttering to ordering your elderlies like this?”

“When my elderly returned my feelings.”

Ymir sighed dramatically but dipped down and kissed Krista softly on the lips. “Happy?”

“No. Give me more.”

Ymir’s eyebrow arched. “Is this some form of payment for something I didn’t even ask for?”

Krista considered that. “Maybe.”

Ymir remained silent, but then she picked Krista up entirely, ignoring her gasps of surprise, and kissed her until Krista nearly forgot her name. “So what did that kiss pay for?”

“Huh?”

“I want a nicer car.”

“Sure thing.” Krista sounded far off, and a harsh blush crossed her face.

Ymir laughed loudly at this and carried the blonde with her to the lounge. She dropped down on the new couch, switched the new TV on and pressed a finger to Krista’s forehead. While Krista complained about the poke, Ymir glanced over her small head at the large Christmas tree in the corner of her lounge.

It was large and obnoxious, and frankly it would scare Ymir in the morning, but it was strangely welcoming.

Without being able not to, Ymir pulled Krista against her chest once more for a long hug. She silently thanked her, reluctant to do so aloud, and thought about how upset she had been when she hadn’t seen Krista at work.

Who knew the blonde would have been up to this? Ymir surely hadn’t.

And in a strange, pained way, Ymir was happy.  


	8. Chapter 8

Krista hobbled into the room, eyes mostly still shut from sleep, feet bare and cold atop the kitchen floor. Blonde hair stuck up in all directions and Krista lifted a sleeve covered hand to wipe across her eyes in an attempt to wake herself up. Unsuccessful, she paused and squinted as much as she could.

It first struck her as foreign and odd, and Krista continued to squint in confusion as her barely conscious brain tried to process what she was seeing in front of her. It was a fridge, but not the fridge she had been expecting. Why wasn’t it made of sleek, grey metal, with sharp edges and a screen attached to each door? Why was there only one door, too? Krista groaned in confusion and furiously rubbed her eyes.

The fridge was almost taunting, saying ‘ha! You can’t even remember where you are, dipshit!’ Krista’s blood boiled. She had yet to fully understand why the damn fridge was white and small, and not silver and tall. Where had the fucking fridge gone?

Almost completely done at that point, the blonde hobbled forward a few steps and pressed a fingertip to the fridge door. It was cold, which wasn’t really a surprise. It felt different though, not as cold and surely not as unwelcoming. Was welcoming even a sensation? Krista squinted down at her palm and wondered if she was losing her mind. Seriously, where the fuck was the right fridge?

Krista whirled around wobbly to see if maybe she had just approached the wrong fridge, but the room was quite small and there was in fact only one fridge. Krista turned back towards the fringe and glared.

“What?” she said out loud. Her eyes still refused to work, practically shut tight and refusing to budge open any more. Krista’s temper was starting to rise, as well as her panic and confusion. If this wasn’t the fridge she was used to seeing, then where was it? Where was _she_?

Was it possible that she was still dreaming? Krista’s throat suddenly ached, reminding her that she had come down here to get something to drink, preferably apple cider, as she usually enjoyed drinking it just after waking. Though, it hit her then that she hadn’t descended any stairs to get there or walked down an endless hallway to reach the kitchen. That specific realization made Krista’s eyes open at last and she stumbled back a step, heart pounding.

“Oh no… where am I?!”

“I would be seriously amused if you weren’t freaking me the fuck out right now,” Ymir announced from the doorway. Krista gasped and nearly toppled over in fright, but she caught her balance on the counter pressed to her back and looked towards Ymir with wide, fearful and still confused eyes. “What the hell are you doing?”

Krista blinked. “What?” She looked around the room again and then back to Ymir. “I was…” her brows furrowed, and the events of the previous night finally returned to her. She had stayed at Ymir’s house longer than expected and then she had decided to sleep over, since there was no one at her home. All maids and servants were sent home over the holiday, and Krista was literally the only one left in the giant, empty house.

“You look terrified.” Ymir approached and put a hand to Krista’s cheek. “What’s wrong?”

Krista’s cheeks flushed as she realized that she had panicked because of the fridge. Of course it wouldn’t be the high-tech machine in the kitchen back at her parent’s house, this was Ymir’s fridge. Why it had frightened her as much as it did, Krista didn’t really want to know. She felt embarrassment wash over her and she looked away from Ymir’s worried gaze to hide it.

“Nu-uh, look at me. What happened?” Ymir forced her head around and stared down at her sternly.

“I, um… I forgot where I was and I panicked a little.” Krista blushed harder and looked down at her feet.

Ymir withdrew and looked as if she wanted to say something, and instead of laughing like she normally would have, because it was by far the most hilarious thing she had ever seen and heard, Ymir walked over to the fridge and pulled out a large bottle of apple cider that Krista had bought. She poured some in a glass for herself and for Krista and then she wordlessly handed the glass over to her.

Krista accepted it with a vague nod and then she looked down at the drink in surprise. Why was Ymir being so delicate with her? Wouldn’t the brunette act rudely, laughing and teasing about Krista nearly shitting herself for simply forgetting where she was?

“I woke up a little while ago,” Ymir said suddenly. She yawned and lazily scratched behind her hear. “Heard you get up and I wondered what you were doing so I got up too. I watched you stare at that fridge for like five minutes.” She lifted the glass to her lips and took a large sip, grimacing afterwards. “Jesus, this tastes horrible. All I drink is alcohol.”

“Why didn’t you laugh?”

Ymir stopped glaring at the drink and looked up to see Krista staring at her. An uncomfortable heat built in her chest and she looked away because of it. “Just… you were scared, I could see that. I don’t think you being scared is funny.”

“But wouldn’t you normally?”

“Not if it’s you.” Ymir looked again, and the emotion in her eyes hardened them.

Krista shivered lightly and then she downed the contents of her glass with one gulp. She smiled lightly afterwards, feeling happy that Ymir’s attitude towards her was changing. “So, are you hungry?”

Ymir squinted up at the old clock dangling on the wall. “It’s five in the morning.”

“So?”

“So I think you should go back to sleep and we’ll continue this conversation in say, five hours?”

“Do you always wake up at ten?”

“I usually wake up in the afternoon, squirt.”

Krista nodded and Ymir made for the door. “Are you going back to the couch?”

Ymir paused. “I guess.”

Krista nervously bit her lip, and, encouraged that Ymir had yet to leave the room, she approached the older woman and gently grasped her hand. “Please sleep in your bed with me? I might wake up scared again.”

Ymir stared at Krista with a ticking brow, contemplating if she should. Eventually her heart won and she nodded lamely. Krista smiled brightly in return and tugged Ymir along with her to the bedroom. For some reason Ymir had demanded that if Krista sleep over then she sleep alone in the bed, and then the brunette would sleep on the couch.

In actuality Ymir had wanted to take the time to think about things. More specifically, she wanted to think about Krista. Her mind still struggled with the idea that Krista was still so young, but it was becoming apparent to her that somehow the midget had crawled into her heart and she had to either shove her out or keep her warm there. Ymir wondered if she wanted to take things further with Krista or kick her out for good. Most of the night had been spent mulling over either option. The idea of leaving Krista made Ymir’s chest tighten and burn painfully, which helped Ymir lean towards the realization that she now needed Krista there.

There was just a small bit of doubt and worry holding her back.

When they reached the bedroom Krista climbed into bed first and Ymir hesitantly joined her. The blonde covered them with the blanket, and then she scooted over to the far end of the bed, correctly guessing that Ymir needed some space. It was almost as if Ymir felt upset, but instead of letting that emotion fill her Ymir swallowed lightly and stared up at the ceiling

Krista was so close, practically just an arm’s length away. If she wanted to, Ymir could just roll over and wrap an arm around the blonde to pull her close. She didn’t, though she imagined if she had. Ymir’s hands twitched for a second.

It was still pretty dark, and sunlight would only barely begin to filter in from the horizon. Ymir turned onto her side, facing away from Krista, and closed her eyes. Images of the little blonde so close filled Ymir’s mind and she scrunched her eyelids in displeasure. She was done thinking of it, for now she just wanted to sleep.

The thoughts were relentless, but Ymir did manage to silence her mind long enough to fall into the vast darkness of her unconscious mind.

XxX

When Ymir woke it was hours later, with light spilling into the room through drawn open curtains. Ymir cursed herself softly for the fact that they were open. Then she realized that Krista must have done it and she turned quickly to search for the blonde. Obviously she wasn’t there, and the other half of the bed was empty. Disappointment flashed behind Ymir’s eyes for a split second, and then Ymir heard a rustle from some part of the house and she quickly rose to her feet.

The floor was slightly cold. Not the best sensation so soon after waking. It dampened Ymir’s mood some, until she stepped into the lounge and saw Krista fiddling with something by the tree that Ymir hadn’t expected to see there. As she had predicted the previous night, the sight of the large, obnoxious plastic tree startled her before she remembered what it was and where it came from.

“Whatcha doin’ squirt?” Ymir mumbled sleepily. She ran a hand over her hair to try to get some of the mess out of it, but was truly unsuccessful and gave up trying to look more attractive.

Krista looked up from where she had frozen and slowly rose to her feet, hands both hidden behind her back. “Good morning Ymir! How about that breakfast we talked about earlier?”

Ymir’s eyes squinted in suspicion. “What’s hiding behind your back?”

Krista considered hiding it further, but shrugged lightly and moved her hands to her front, revealing a perfectly wrapped object resting atop her palms.

“A gift?”

“Your gift,” Krista clarified.

Ymir squinted harder. “I think it’s too early for mind games.”

At that Krista laughed. “Don’t be silly. Sit down, you still look exhausted. That’s why I didn’t want to show you now.”

Ymir did as she was told and dropped down onto the couch, resisting the clutches of sleep that still had her. “A gift for me, you say? What is it?”

“Ymir, you have to open it to find out.”

Ymir sighed softly. She was playing along, but she felt uncomfortable with the idea that Krista had bought yet another thing for her.

“It’s Christmas. I care about you. I know that you probably don’t want to depend on me or anything so I didn’t actually buy this for you.” Krista held it out towards Ymir, still standing. She smiled softly in encouragement.

Ymir’s eyes flicked between the gift and Krista’s face, and then she reluctantly took the gift and dropped it onto her lap. It was thin and not at all heavy. It looked like a large book, wrapped in elegant red wrapping, and Ymir wondered what it could possibly be.

Slowly, almost as if it would burn her, Ymir searched for a flap in which she could slip a finger to tear the wrapping, and when she found it she tore the wrapping away with mounting dread. Anxiety knotted in her stomach the more the wrapping fell away, and when the gift was finally revealed Ymir’s eyes slowly widened and her lips pressed firmly together. She gripped it tightly in her hands, heart pounding in her ears and thudding in her chest.

“Do you like it?” Krista sat beside the brunette and nervously played with the fabric of her pants. “It… it isn’t much, I know. But you probably haven’t celebrated Christmas at all and even though I’m not doing much to make it fun, I wanted to give you something special. Something only I could give you. If you don’t like it you don’t have to keep it, I’ll understand.”

Ymir seemed to shake for a minute, and her face darkened when she leaned forward and her fringe fell over her eyes, masking them. Krista’s pulse spiked in panic and then soared through the roof when Ymir suddenly dropped the gift to the couch and wordlessly left the room.

“Ymir?” Had she made a wrong decision? Had Ymir decided that this really couldn’t work out? Krista gripped her neck lightly and felt herself swallow. Did Ymir really not like it?

Sick with worry, Krista hurried after where Ymir had disappeared and found the brunette in her room, sitting on the floor in front of her open cupboard and furiously throwing things out of it.

“Y-Ymir? D-did I upset you?”

Ymir froze for a second, and then she chuckled. “No.”

“Then… then why did you leave?”

“I’m looking for something.”

“For what?”

Ymir stopped looking, probably since she found what she was looking for, and then she nervously rubbed the back of her neck and released a large breath. “I need to repay you.” She finally stood and Krista was surprised to see an old stack of CDs gripped in the brunette’s hand. She left the room and returned to the lounge, with Krista directly behind her. When she returned to her earlier seat she gently picked the framed picture up and looked at it.

Krista had obviously drawn it, since Ymir recognized the blonde’s style. It was of Ymir on that same bench, but this time she had Krista with her, lying horizontal with her head resting in Ymir’s lap. Ymir was leaning forward, almost as if to kiss her, and her hand resting on the backrest was held by Krista’s. It was beautiful and flawless and Ymir could plainly see the hope there.

Her heart throbbed.

“It’s beautiful,” Ymir said softly. She placed the picture onto the coffee table and settled in.

Krista was curious, so she wordlessly sat down and watched as Ymir sorted through the discs. For a long while Ymir said absolutely nothing, as did Krista. One watched while the other thought.

At last, after finding the one she wanted, Ymir went over to the stereo and inserted the disc. When she stepped away the CD began to play, and Ymir stepped back to hold a hand out to Krista.

“Take my hand,” Ymir said, smiling slightly.

Krista swallowed and took her hand, and then she was tugged against Ymir’s chest. Ymir took a hold of her hips, and she instinctively wrapped her arms around Ymir’s neck. Before they began to sway, the lyrics to the music wafted through the room.

Ymir pressed her cheek to Krista’s, mouth close to her ear, and began to sing.

“Our lives were very different. I was lonely when we first met…”

Krista covered her mouth with her hand and felt the tears well up. Something about Ymir’s husky voice touched her deeply, and somehow she understood the meaning of this—the reason why Ymir had hurried to find this specific album and why they were now dancing to a song that sounded beautiful and heart-breaking at the same time. Krista realized, when Ymir continued to sing, that Ymir wasn’t doing it for Krista only, but she was singing it for herself. The brunette glanced up and shared a fleeting, happy smile, and Krista’s world faded away until all she could see, feel and hear was Ymir.

“You don’t have to speak because I can hear your heartbeat, fluttering like butterflies searching for a drink. You don’t have to cover up how you feel when you’re in love…”


	9. Chapter 9

**Eight Months Later**

Not very much can change in a mere collection of months. Ymir had always thought that change would take an irrevocably long time. But, to Ymir’s utter surprise, eight months was all it took for her life to completely turn over. And the person responsible was most definitely Krista.

It had taken a lot of arguing and convincing but eventually Krista had gotten Ymir to give up her multiple addictions. Slowly Ymir weaned herself off of cigarettes and alcohol, and eight months later she was completely free of her emotional need for both.

Ymir’s attitude had changed dramatically as well. Although she remained mostly unapproachable, Ymir no longer kept an aura of darkness around herself. She definitely smiled more and she was less likely to snap in annoyance and anger. She had become especially kinder to her boss, which had pleased Mr Stark enough to give her a pay rise and more off days than usual.

Krista continued her school career, now in grade 10. She was still only sixteen, but Ymir had decided well into their relationship that she would endure the worry until Krista became of age. It was no longer an issue that held her back.

All of Ymir’s habits changed too. Her apartment remained clean and tidy. The brunette herself made sure to clean up her appearance, and she started to focus more on her health. Ymir had even returned to the gym and was steadily growing the muscle she had lost. She no longer looked too thin and had gained enough weight to look normal again.

Ymir was finally happy, and Krista had given that to her in a mere eight months. They had been dating over that time, happily and passionately. Ymir was still figuring out how to function in a relationship, as was Krista, but they were both definitely getting the hang of it. They grew to understand each other a little better as well as work well together. Both of them still had a lot to learn but they were well on their way to complete happiness.

Things in the workplace improved greatly as well and customers no longer complained about Ymir. She was still unpleasant to be around when she was in a bad mood, but she now remained relatively well behaved.

Ymir was currently at work, mopping up a tray of coffee that Berik had “accidentally” dropped. She didn’t bitch and moan about it, but she had definitely glared as nastily as she could at him. All he had done was shrug innocently and then gesture for Ymir to return to her work.

The only thing that hadn’t improved in the passing months was Ymir’s opinion of Berik. He was still a bastard, and no one other than Ymir seemed to be aware of that fact. He always had this way of being snide and spiteful while still appearing innocent and sweet. It confused the fuck out of Ymir sometimes, but her gut always churned when she looked at his face and even though her temper had improved, the desire to punch him never quite left her.

“Ymir, get back to the till!” Mr Stark ordered while he passed by.

Ymir rolled her eyes but finished cleaning up and hurried back to her station. A long line had formed, and so she steeled herself to take the orders and help Berik in fulfilling them. She hated having to stand next to him and she hated it even more when the bastard tried to talk to her like they were friends.

“So how about the latest season of Game of Thrones?” Berik asked as he put cream on top of a cup of hot chocolate.

“Yeah,” Ymir responded absently. She quickly slapped the lid on all four coffee cups and then turned to hand them to the customer.

“Thanks!” the woman said, and then she turned and joined her friends at a table.

“Do you know what I’m talking about?” Berik asked, eyes never leaving Ymir’s face. He gave the hot chocolate to the customer and greeted the next. “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Ymir sent him a glare after turning to execute a new order. “I don’t care,” she said.

That was a lie. In fact, she and Krista had gotten deeply into the series. Krista was even currently reading the books. She was trying to get Ymir to sit down long enough to read them but the brunette just couldn’t, so she would tell Ymir about them. Those were usually the times when they were lying in bed, tangled together and either exhausted or sleepy. Ymir would lay her head in Krista’s lap, the blonde would run her hand through Ymir’s hair and then she would recount the latest happenings of the book. Ymir enjoyed those moments, especially when Krista gave her scalp a massage.

“Weird, I thought it would be your kind of scene,” Berik commented. He chuckled at his smart comment and accepted money from a customer before turning to work on the order.

Ymir didn’t respond. She was annoyed enough, so she ignored him for the next hour as he attempted to converse with her. She never understood why he tried so hard when he was very aware of what Ymir thought of him. What the hell was his angle?

It was early afternoon on a Tuesday, so Krista was still at school. When Ymir glanced at the clock she realized that the blonde would be on the bus soon and headed this way. The realization immediately put her in a brighter mood and she started to smile more genuinely because of it.

Krista still visited her at the coffee shop whenever she could after school. They would usually hang out during Ymir’s lunch break – which she saved for Krista – and then they would make eyes at each other as Ymir worked. Sometimes it would be hilarious, and other times the glances would be heated and loaded with scandalous messages. Ymir enjoyed the latter most.

This time Krista practically skipped through the entrance doors. She approached the counter and waited in line and when she reached Ymir, smiled brightly before saying anything.

“Can I have the usual please?” she asked.

Ymir lifted an eyebrow and shrugged. “Sure thing, Miss…?”

Krista pressed a hand to her chest. “Krista, you can call me Miss Krista.”

“Alright then Miss Krista, your order will be with you right away.” Ymir didn’t ask for payment because she usually paid for Krista’s first drink. She grinned to herself as she made a hot chocolate for Krista and a normal coffee for herself, and then she dumped her work hat and apron and followed Krista to the back of the shop where they usually sat. Ymir didn’t need to announce her break, because it was common knowledge that she would take a break when Krista came by.

“How was your day?” Ymir asked softly, brushing her hand against Krista’s thigh in place of a tender kiss. She wanted to kiss her badly, but couldn’t in public. Krista captured her hand and intertwined their fingers underneath the table.

“It was alright. It’s almost time for exams, so the school is going into panic mode where we all try to finish the term’s work and sort out important stuff.”

Ymir nodded and took a sip from her coffee. “Jesus, I’m glad that I’m done with that shit.”

Krista giggled and bumped their shoulders. “Ymir you didn’t even finish grade 11.”

Ymir laughed then and shrugged. “Well life wasn’t so difficult ten years ago. You could leave school and still get a job. Now they put way too much pressure on the youth.”

Krista nodded enthusiastically and groaned. “Tell me about it.”

Ymir reached out and grabbed Krista’s cheek. “Aw, poor little baby.” She cooed in Krista’s face and made baby noises, laughing as well, until Krista gave her a swift head-butt, successfully shutting her up.

“Jesus, fuck!” Ymir yelled in a whisper. She rubbed furiously at her throbbing forehead and glared at Krista, who was laughing loudly.

“I may be little but I pack a punch.”

“Fuck, I know. Shit.” Ymir grumbled for a few more minutes, pouting as she worried over the red mark on her skin. Eventually Krista pulled her down to kiss it better, giggling at Ymir’s blush.

“So I can stay over tonight,” Krista said. “My parents are out and the house aides were all given the week off.”

“Another vacation without you?”

Krista nodded and her smile never faltered. “I’ll still have to go to school though.”

“You can just catch the bus.” Ymir leaned into Krista for as long as possible, and then she put some space between them before anyone could see. “And no skipping, you hear? You did so much of that last year.”

“Yeah, yeah, _mom._ ”

Ymir’s face contorted in disgust. “Oh, ew. Don’t call me that. I hate it.”

Krista leaned in to whisper in Ymir’s ear. “But it makes me all hot for you.”

Ymir immediately pushed Krista away from her, cringing. All the while Krista laughed at her facial expressions. The brunette enjoyed the sound of Krista’s laughter, so she allowed her young girlfriend her amusement.

Suddenly Ymir felt eyes on her, and when she lifted her gaze she caught two old women staring at her with disapproving frowns and hardened eyes. They whispered something to each other, shook their heads and then threw disgusted looks at Ymir again.

The brunette didn’t understand what the fuck their problem was so she lifted an eyebrow and sent them a glare. The old ladies quickly looked away. Ymir decided to ignore their strange attention, so she turned back to Krista and sighed.

“Okay, you fucking weirdo, I need to get back to work.” Ymir gave Krista a hearty pat on the head and then she tweaked her cheek for the hell of it. “Behave while I work.”

Krista simply smiled and then she watched Ymir reluctantly return to her post, hat and apron back on.

While Ymir prepared herself for a new customer, Berik passed by her and made the faintest of comments.

“Cute.”

Ymir snapped her head up and stared at the side of his head, but he made no indication that he had said anything. He busied himself with making more drinks, and Ymir felt an odd sensation prickle at the back of her neck. She shook it off, and decided that the old ladies had made her paranoid and now she was hearing things.

XxX

Ymir’s shift ended at the usual five PM time slot, and when she had shoved her uniform in her locker she and Krista left for Ymir’s home. The minute they walked through the door Ymir was on Krista like a wild beast.

Krista managed to giggle between heavy kisses and she had her arms wrapped tightly around Ymir’s neck, pulling herself up as well as pulling Ymir down.

When Ymir was satisfied she withdrew, panting and flushed, with a satisfied smirk on her face. However, Krista wasn’t done just yet and she dived in for another long, heated kiss, biting Ymir’s bottom lip as she withdrew when she was done.

Ymir blinked and shivered.

“I missed you,” Krista panted out softly.

Ymir chuckled and bumped their foreheads together. “I missed you too, squirt.”  She straightened and ran a hand over her shirt to smooth it down. “Are you hungry?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. We can cook something when I’m done in the shower.”

Another improvement to Ymir’s lifestyle was the gained ability to cook. Ymir was a pretty decent cook when she really tried, and in some situations Krista had even needed her help. A lot of the times they cooked together, and it was a great way to grow closer and enjoy each other’s company.

“Okay, shower quickly. I’ll start in the kitchen so long.”

Ymir gave her a quick peck and then she hurried to the bathroom, stripping the entire way. Krista paused before entering the kitchen and sighed. She followed after Ymir’s trail, retrieving each piece of clothing, and then she dumped them in the clothes basket before finally making her way to the kitchen.

The shower hadn’t taken long and ten minutes later Ymir padded barefoot into the kitchen. She had a hand in her hair, tousling the damp locks into a messier look. When she spotted Krista by the counter, doing something, Ymir grinned to herself and surprised the blonde by wrapping her arms around her from behind.

“Y-Ymir!” Krista yelled in surprise. She dropped what she had been doing and grabbed onto Ymir’s arms around her waist. Before she could chastise Ymir for the fright, the brunette leaned in close and started to nibble on her earlobe.

“Mm, miss me?” Ymir purred against the shell of her ear.

Krista shivered violently and her breath hitched when Ymir’s hand wondered underneath her shirt to caress her stomach.

“Ymir, you were only t-ten minutes.”

“So?”

She continued to lick and bite Krista’s earlobe, eventually moving downwards to do the same to her sensitive neck. Krista couldn’t help but throw her head back to expose more of her quivering flesh.

When Ymir’s hand slipped its way into her pants Krista moaned loudly and turned around suddenly to crush their mouths together. Ymir partly moaned and partly laughed, and then she followed Krista’s guidance towards the bedroom.

They very quickly forgot about having to make dinner, both set on satisfying a completely different kind of hunger.

XxX

A long while after exhausting each other in bed, Krista slept peacefully, breathing quietly and evenly. She was on her stomach. Arms buried underneath the pillow her head rested on. The blanket bad slunk down to her lower back, revealing the tempting dip of her spine.

Ymir was lying beside her, head propped up and chin resting on her palm. She watched Krista snore softly and her heart swelled with affection. She couldn’t help it and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to Krista’s shoulder. The blonde grumbled softly in her sleep and then her eyelids fluttered open, revealing sleepy blue eyes.

“You’re beautiful,” Ymir stated softly.

Krista smiled and buried her face against the pillow in embarrassment. She had just woken and now Ymir was being a sap. When her blush faded Krista uncovered her face and then scooted closer in order to wrap herself around Ymir. She kissed the brunette’s jaw and then giggled at the purr she got in response.

“Mm, you’re warm,” Krista said sleepily.

Ymir enveloped Krista in her arms and shuffled them both underneath the blanket. “And you’re soft.”

“Ymir, we never made dinner.”

Ymir grinned. “I know. We made love instead.”

Krista shook her head and laughed in amusement. “That didn’t really feed my stomach.”

“I suppose we could order pizza.”

“Oh, pizza!” Krista immediately brightened. She lifted herself and grabbed Ymir’s face. “I approve of this idea. Order it right now.”

Ymir considered saying no just to mess with Krista, but then her stomach growled and she decided that she was hungry too, so she chuckled and reached over to get her phone on the bedside table. Krista’s eyes sparkled with happiness as she dialled the number.

“Alright, Miss Krista, pizza coming right up.”

XxX

Wednesday morning was pleasant, though Ymir had been saddened to wake up alone without a blonde beside her. She hated the Krista had to go to school, but it was something that she would have to deal with for the next few years.

It was one of those days where she had been given the time off, so Ymir lazed about for as long as she could, eating cereal and reading the newspaper, until she decided to clean herself up and do something productive. That something productive happened to be going for a walk and then sitting to feed bread crumbs to the pigeons. Ymir still sat by her usual seat, though she favoured the clean air and thinking to what she had usually done, which was smoking and drinking.

Just the thought of smoking again made her feel sick.

So Ymir showered and dressed, and then she made her way to the park. She had a plastic bag with her that contained a few slices of stale bread – which she always kept aside for the birds. However, she didn’t get to feed any birds, because she almost immediately spotted familiar blonde hair by her usual seat. There was no doubt that it was Krista, so Ymir’s brows creased in worry and she approached Krista with a jog.

“Krista?” The blonde didn’t seem to hear, since she didn’t show any indication. “Krista!” Ymir finally made it to her and put a hand on her shoulder. Krista startled and yelled in fright, and then she put a hand to her chest and released a large breath.

“Geez Ymir, you scared the life out of me.”

“What are you doing here?” Ymir demanded.

Krista suddenly realized that she was at the park and not at school, and she sighed softly. She glanced down at the notebook on her lap and ran a finger over it. “I didn’t expect you to come here.”

Ymir plopped down beside her. “I have the day off. I usually come here when I do.”

Krista closed the book and shoved it into her school bag. “I know. I forgot.”

Ymir wound her hands together and tried to think of what to say. She suddenly felt awkward and worried and she didn’t like the feeling. Krista hadn’t looked this down in a long while, and Ymir was worried about what could have made her feel this way.

“Did anything happen?”

“No,” Krista replied softly. It was a lie; a small one, an easy one.

Ymir studied her face. “You sure?”

Krista leaned against Ymir and nodded. “Yeah, just felt like coming out here. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

Ymir exhaled in relief. “Okay, if nothing happened. But you’re still naughty for skipping school.”

Krista forced a smile. “Are you going to punish me later?”

Ymir didn’t see the strain on her face, but her stomach suddenly felt tight and Ymir swept her eyes around them, not sure what she was looking for. Then she remembered the bread.

“Oh hey, would you like to feed the birds?”

Krista seemed to brighten, and she replied in the affirmative. She took a slice from Ymir and excitedly crumbled them on the ground in front of them. When birds flew down and started to peck at the ground, Krista’s shoulders eased and her smile became less plastic.

Ymir watched her face, and she couldn’t help but wonder why her shoulders had been tensed in the first place.


	10. Chapter 10

The afternoon was absolutely wonderful. The sun was out, shining brightly, and the ducks quaked happily in the nearby dam. It was almost as if they were singing along to the beautiful tune sifting through the air.

On a blanket Ymir and Krista sat. The brunette had a guitar pressed to her body, both hands expertly working the strings. The freckled woman couldn’t help but grin as she sang to the song. Krista always looked so peaceful when she played guitar for her, and currently she was swaying with her eyes closed.

If Ymir hadn’t been enjoying the music herself then she might have been tempted to do something to Krista while her eyes were closed. But she was more into the music than she usually was, and instead of being naughty she glanced down to her fingers that were strumming. She smiled, remembering the time Krista had found her guitar.

_Krista had snuck in that day while Ymir was sleeping. They hadn’t been going out for all that long and she was still in the phase of sneakily cleaning out whatever part of Ymir’s apartment she could. This time she was rummaging around in her cupboard, surprised with the amount of dirty clothes and useless objects had piled up in the back._

_Krista cringed when she find more dirty boxers and tossed them over her shoulder to the mountain of things to throw away. It consisted of empty boxes and plastic things that Krista couldn’t even identify._

_It was the weekend and Ymir was at work, so the blonde had plenty of time to clean up and then formulate the scolding that Ymir would receive._

_“Who even owns this much underwear and then throws it all in one place while it’s all dirty?” Krista asked herself. She shrugged, however. Ymir had probably been too preoccupied to really care._

_After a good few hours into it Krista had put most of Ymir’s clothes into wash and had taken bags of rubbish outside to the curb for proper disposing. The bottom level of Ymir’s cupboard had been cleaned out, rearranged and wiped down. All that was left was to go through the top compartment, and this is what Krista had been dreading._

_She found a chair high enough and situated it in front of the open doors. Once standing on top of it she made sure to keep one hand pressed to the door beside her to keep her balance. Luckily she didn’t need to boost herself up on her tip-toes, since the chair was more than long enough._

_Just as the bottom had been the top was coated in dust and spider webs. At least there was less junk. There were two boxes shoved to the side, one large and the other half its size. Krista pulled them out and managed to get off of the chair with them to position them neatly on the floor. She didn’t go through them yet and climbed back onto the chair._

_At the very back, behind what appeared to be an old blanket, Krista found something that she had never expected to see in Ymir’s apartment. It was an acoustic guitar. The thing was coated in so much dust that Krista wasn’t even sure what colour it was, so she quickly left the bedroom and hurried to the bathroom. There she grabbed a cloth and began to furiously wipe the guitar down. It wasn’t a big one, which was strange._

_Was this Ymir’s? Did she play guitar? Why did she have a small one though?_

_After a long while of scrubbing and wiping, the wooden colour of the guitar shone up at Krista as if blinking up at her in appreciation for the wash. It was dark brown, with black edges and a silver dragon spiralling up the side. Krista wasn’t sure if the strings needed changing or not. She didn’t have a vast knowledge of the instrument._

_Ymir returned then, opening and shutting the door loudly and then throwing her shoes off only three steps into the lounge. Krista heard the brunette sigh loudly and she knew that it had been a long day._

_Ymir didn’t know that she was there. Would she be mad?_

_Krista hurried to Ymir’s bedroom and shoved the boxes back where she had found them. She could always clean the top of the cupboard some other time. For now she had a burning desire to interrogate Ymir on the guitar._

_The freckled brunette was in the lounge, resting on the couch with a cold beer in her hand. She swallowed it down greedily and Krista became concerned when she noticed an empty one already on the table in front of her._

_“Hectic day?” she asked._

_Ymir nearly choked on her beer and managed not to drop it with sheer ninja skill. She dropped the bottle onto the table and then slapped at her chest while she wheezed the alcohol from her lungs._

_“Jesus!”_

_Krista winced. “I’m sorry.”_

_“What are you doing here?” She sounded more irritated than angry, at least._

_“Well,” Krista shuffled closer and made sure to hide the guitar behind her back. She was glad that Ymir hadn’t seen it yet. “There are some places I haven’t cleaned yet, so…”_

_Ymir eyed her suspiciously and then shrugged and pulled a cigarette from its box. “Whatever,” she said tonelessly. She lit it up and then took a long drag._

_“Hey, Ymir?” Krista rounded the couch and plopped down beside Ymir. She couldn’t hide the guitar anymore, so she placed it gently on her lap. “I didn’t know that you play guitar.”_

_Ymir looked at the instrument in confusion for a moment, as if she couldn’t figure out where it came from. Remembrance washed over her face next, and she took a long drag before scooting closer and pressing her fingertips to the newly cleaned surface._

_“Forgot I had this thing,” she said._

_Krista’s face lit up. “So it’s yours? Do you really play?”_

_Ymir puffed a few more times and then knocked the ash off in an ashtray. “Nah, not anymore. Pretty sure I forgot how.”_

_Krista visibly deflated. “But you did play, right?”_

_Ymir nodded. She killed her cigarette in the ashtray and then took the guitar from Krista. The way it pressed to her felt familiar and foreign at the same time. It was almost nostalgic, and Ymir wondered when and why she had ever stopped._

_“I used to play when I got stressed,” she explained to Krista, lightly fingering the shining strings. “My sister taught me when we were still as young as you. We’d play together. This was hers, and when I left home she gave it to me.”_

_Krista listened intently. This was the first time Ymir had ever really spoken about her past. It was fascinating to hear. Who knew that Ymir had a sister? Krista wondered if they looked alike. Was she married with kids? The blonde wanted to ask, but didn’t. Ymir became very aggressive if asked about her past. Krista was sure that it was still a sensitive topic._

_“Could you try to play something?”_

_Ymir eyed Krista and then glanced back down at the guitar. Her mind tried to remember how to play but only a few things remained in her memory. “Suppose I could,” she said._

_Hesitantly, almost afraid, Ymir began to play a few cords that she knew. It wasn’t perfect but it was something and the more she played the more she started to remember._

_Krista had never been that still or silent and Ymir discovered something new that she adored about her young girlfriend._

“You gonna fall asleep there?” Ymir asked after the song ended. She put the guitar down on the blanket and scooted closer to the blonde to lightly touch her wrist.

Krista giggled. “That was so beautiful. I’m impressed with how much you’ve improved in the last few months.”

Ymir grinned smugly. “It was all there, just had to dig it all up again.”

“Your voice is beautiful too, you know. God, I could kiss you right now.” Krista sighed suddenly, her shoulders dropping. “I wish I could. I want to just kiss you or hold your hand, but we can’t in public.”

Ymir’s happy mood didn’t dissipate. She smiled lightly and looked around them for a moment. After deducing that they were alone in the park for now, she leaned in and pressed a kiss to Krista’s pouting lips.

“You can get more than that behind closed doors,” she husked against Krista’s pink lips. “And I promise it’ll be more satisfying than public affection.”

Krista couldn’t help but grin. She wrapped her arms around Ymir’s neck and pulled her in for a harder kiss. They remembered where they were and quickly pulled away, but Ymir kept her hand atop Krista’s.

Krista’s hair was always so beautiful underneath the sunlight.

“Play some more?” Krista asked, pouting cutely and fluttering her lashes.

How could Ymir say no? She chuckled lightly and then picked her guitar up. Before she began to play again, the strangest sensation swept over her. She scanned the trees around them as she started to strum.

She wasn’t sure what she was searching for.

XxX

Two weeks went by in a flash and Ymir was already finishing up a long day of work. Krista hadn’t come to visit her, since her parents were home and she was expected to do major studying. Krista had promised to visit as soon as possible, and Ymir wasn’t all that worried. She could survive without Krista for a few days.

“Ymir!” Mr Stark called from the doorway. Ymir paused by her locker—she had just shoved her uniform inside.

“What’s up, boss?” She shut the locker door and then stuffed her hands into her pockets.

Mr Stark seemed to blush lightly, like he was embarrassed about something. Ymir recognized the look on his face, though, and she immediately grew irritated.

“Spit it out.”

Mr Stark sighed. He rubbed at his freshly shaven chin, missing the hair that was once there. “Look… I got a call from your sister, she—”

“Don’t,” Ymir warned. She gave him a cold glare. “I don’t care.”

“But she’s worried.”

“I don’t care. She can be worried without me knowing about it.”

Mr Stark relented. In truth he hadn’t wanted to mention it, but had been begged to. He was definitely a soft man at heart, but Ymir had changed so drastically that he had to let her family know. They hadn’t contacted her in years, so the recent call was a surprise. It had been a while after he had called them anyway. Of course, Ymir would never know that he had contacted them. She would become upset enough to quit on the spot.

“Is that all?” Ymir asked. Her chest felt tight and she felt like having something strong to drink. When Mr Stark nodded Ymir brushed past him and headed for her car. While she rummaged around in her pocket for her keys she decided that she would head over to a liquor store and get a beer, if not a bottle of brandy. She’d hide it from Krista and drink it slowly.

The brunette approached her car and reached out to slip the key into the door, but her keys went cluttering to the floor when she was suddenly shoved into her car. She was about to yell swear words but then she was pulled back and she only had enough time to see smug green eyes before a fist smacked into her jaw. She fell to the floor and fell hard and then the man kicked her in the ribs. The wind left her body and she toppled over.

The man loomed over her, smiling sadistically and eyes flashing with malice. He had a partner who had apparently been the one to kick. The partner was blonde while the other guy had white hair.

“Bitch,” the white haired man spat out like venom.

Ymir tried to get onto her feet quickly but she was kicked to the ground again. One of the men, the blonde picked her up by her hair and then locked her arms with his, behind her back. Her front was open and she lifted her legs to defend her stomach.

The white haired man aimed for her face instead, knocking his fist against her temple so hard that she saw stars. He hit her nose then, and then her mouth. She spat blood and gasped loudly when he landed a hard punch against her undefended stomach.

Light danced before her eyes and she felt like she had just lost the ability to breathe.

The blonde threw her to the floor and then laughed with his partner. He crouched down, pulled her up roughly by her hair and then poked the bleeding side of her mouth. “Take this as a warm threat. Stay away from Krista or you’ll regret it.” He dropped her and then stood. Before he left he added another kick to her lower back, just for his own amusement and then he laughed and calmly walked away with his partner.

Ymir couldn’t even find the capacity to be furious. All she could fathom was pain and it was awful. She curled up into a ball, clutching her stomach. Eventually it subsided enough for her to get up on shaking legs.

People walked by, some had probably watched the attack. No one did anything—they only stared. Ymir spat a wad of blood and spit in the direction of a young man merely staring.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” she growled at him.

Still clutching her stomach, she managed to get into her car and wiped a shaking hand over her bloody chin. The throbbing in her temple should have alarmed her, but it didn’t and she quickly left the parking lot to speed home. She nearly veered off of the rode once when her vision went blurry, but managed to park skew in her usual parking and limp up towards her apartment. Once inside she headed for the bathroom and then she collapsed against the ground, wincing at the pain.

The attack finally sunk in, and a torrent of emotions exploded inside of Ymir. The pain faded for an instant, overshadowed by pure fury and fear. Ymir had never expected to be attacked right out in the open. If they hadn’t mentioned Krista’s name then she would have never been able to guess why they had attacked her.

Sure, she had pissed a lot of people off but Ymir had never met those men. They seemed to know her though, and Krista. This led Ymir to realize one thing; someone knew about their relationship. Whoever now knew had sent them to attack her.

That seemed the most logical explanation.

When she thought about it Ymir had been feeling watched lately. Everyone seemed to give her dirty looks, no matter how polite she had forced herself to be. People stared and whispered, and Ymir had tried to convince herself that it wasn’t about her and she was merely being conceited.

Was she really?

“Fuck.”

Ymir threw her bloody shirt off and stumbled into the shower. She washed the blood and sweat from her skin, making sure to be gentle around the tender areas on her abdomen and back. Afterwards she spent agonizing minutes patching her cuts up and then she downed a few pain pills with beer and climbed into bed.

She would deal with it tomorrow. Right now she was in too much pain, was too angry. She needed a healthy escape, and that came in the form of sleep.

XxX

When she woke Ymir was confused at first. Her entire body ached and when she tried to stretch crippling pain shot through her, halting the movement and causing the air to whoosh from her lungs. Afterwards she opened her eyes and felt her throbbing mouth and jaw.

_What the shit happened?_

She sat up, in pain and confused. It took a good while for Ymir to remember. She had been so doped on pain medication—the affect being drowsiness, putting her to sleep very quickly. It was only when Ymir limped into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of her own broken face that she finally remembered the attack from the previous day.

She had been attacked; in the open by two men.

Ymir didn’t have time to panic. She heard her front door open and then shut with a click. It could only be Krista, but for a split second fear spiralled up Ymir’s spine as she considered an intruder, there to finish the job.

But then Krista’s voice rang out in greeting and Ymir relaxed. She glanced at herself in the mirror, grimacing. She looked like shit and felt even worse. How would Krista react? Well, she would find out really soon.

The brunette troubled her way to the lounge and then looked to the ground when Krista caught sight of her and gasped. She immediately rushed to Ymir’s side and gently pulled her face down to inspect it.

“Ymir, what happened?” The fear in her eyes when Ymir caught her gaze made an unsettling feeling fill her stomach. Did Krista have an idea of what had happened?

“Nothing,” Ymir answered. She shrugged out of Krista’s grasp and then shrugged, but winced at the sharp pain in her ribs. “Just got into a fight with Berik. The asshole finally snapped.” She went into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. Krista followed behind.

She could tell that Ymir was in a lot of pain and didn’t really believe her answer. It was plausible, since Krista knew first-hand how much Ymir hated Berik and how she was constantly mean to him. Maybe he really had just snapped?

But Ymir seemed pretty roughed up. A mere scuffle wouldn’t cause that. Ymir would have kicked his ass.

“Ymir, are you sure you’re not hiding something?”

Ymir shot her a look, so strong and cold that Krista nervously swallowed. It felt as if Ymir was suddenly accusing her—saying with her expression that Krista had hurt her. The look was gone in a second and Ymir quickly shrugged out of her sudden anger.

She was not angry at Krista. It wasn’t the blonde that had done it, but it was obviously connected to her. Ymir felt a strong desire to keep the truth from Krista. It was mainly out of fear.

What if she told Krista and the blonde decided to leave her? Ymir couldn’t have that. She refused. For now she would keep it to herself, and hopefully nothing like this would happen again.

Though strangely, Ymir had the feeling that a storm had just begun.

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Ymir said softly. She went over to Krista and then pressed a firm kiss to her forehead. “You’re my light now.” She smiled and felt relieved when Krista relaxed. “Would you like to watch a movie? I ache all over. Damn that Berik can kick hard.”

Krista wound an arm around Ymir and helped her to the lounge. She agreed to the movie and then got more pain medication for Ymir. After taking them, sometime into the movie Ymir fell asleep and Krista couldn’t help but bite her bottom lip in anxiety and trace the cut along Ymir’s lip.

She really hoped that Ymir wasn’t lying to her. If her true fears were becoming a reality, then everything Krista had so carefully worked for would crumble at her feet.


	11. Chapter 11

It had only been a few days since the attack, but Ymir still couldn’t forget it. She had a feeling that she was being followed, and became increasingly paranoid as the days went by. Even being at work didn’t afford her any feeling of safety. People watched her—as if they knew everything.

Ymir’s mind was absent as she wiped at the tables she was responsible for. It was close to closing time, but Krista would not be visiting until later that night. She had a hand pressed to the table, the other moving a damp cloth to clean the surface. All she could see was the smug faces of her attackers, and it sent a startling anger through her blood. More than anything she was furious that she hadn’t fought back. She should have kicked one of them in the nuts, at least. But she had been taken so by surprise that she hadn’t been able to. Next time she would not let them get the better of her.

Ymir finished with the table, having occupied it for much longer than needed, and went to the next one. It was sticky with spilt coffee, and Ymir frowned deeply as she rolled her eyes. People didn’t even have the decency to let them know that they had spilt, and simply let the stuff dry and get worse.

“Stupid fucks,” Ymir growled lowly as she rubbed rigorously at the stains to get them off. She was just about to quit and find a cleaning agent when Berik brushed past her, his hand tapping her hip once.

“Never thought you’d go down so easy,” he said snidely, grinning much like Ymir’s attackers had. “Is getting your ass handed to you really worth it for some blonde kid?”

Ice filled Ymir’s veins. “What the fuck did you just say?” She discarded the cloth and straightened.

Berik lifted a dark brow and crossed his arms over his chest. “I know, Ymir,” he said. His grin stretched further. “I know everything.”

Ymir’s eyes narrowed. “Bullshit.”

“Oh?” He laughed. “I know that you’re dating a highschool girl, which is actually against the law, in case you didn’t know. What’s it called again?” He tapped a finger against his chin in mock contemplation. “Statutory rape?” 

Ymir knew in that instant that her gut instinct about this guy had been right. She did not know how he knew, since they had been very careful, but it was likely that he was involved in her attack. Anger filled her chest almost to bursting.

“Does she call you mommy when you fuck her?” he asked, laughing again. “That’s disgusting, actually.”

Ymir’s heart began to pound in fury. Her eyes clouded over in red, her fists clenched and she growled at the back of her throat. “Shut the fuck up,” she warned him, eyes darkened. Her fringe fell forward, covering her full expression.

Berik started to laugh harder. “You’re so pathetic!”

Ymir snapped. Her anger had been growing over days now, and Berik was just goddamn asking for it. She rushed forward and before Berik could react she punched him square in the face. His nose cracked, blood spurted out and then he tumbled to the floor, knocking his head so hard on the ground that he was unconscious immediately. Ymir barely noticed and climbed on top of him. She only managed to punch him once before she was ripped off of him and tossed to the ground.

“Ymir!” Mr Stark yelled. “What the fuck happened here?”

Ymir ignored him and went for Berik again, but Mr Stark caught her and she swore in his face. “Let me go you asshole!” she roared, face red with seething anger.

Mr Stark felt his blood pressure rise and quickly pulled Ymir with him to the back room. He threw her inside, shut the door behind him and leaned against it. He and Ymir were both panting, and Ymir sat on the floor, glaring up at her boss.

“Go home right now,” Mr Stark hissed. “Get your head together! If this happens again I’ll have no choice but to fire you. Do you understand?”

Ymir stood, wincing a little since the floor had bruised her knees and hands. “Whatever,” she spat back. “The fucker deserved it.” She wrenched her hat and apron off and threw them at Mr Stark. She stormed out of the door that led to the side of the building, the alley, and went around to the parking lot. Her car was where she had left it, untouched, and she got in with a loud, angry curse.

She was so upset that she did not notice the car tailing her as she sped home. It didn’t park by her house and merely drove on, disappearing around a corner.

Ymir stormed up to her apartment, roughly knocking an elderly woman over and ignoring her yells of anger. She threw her door open, slammed it shut behind her and then went into the kitchen. Thank god she still had alcohol stashed at the back, because she really goddamn needed it.

Pain suddenly bellowed in her torso and Ymir wrapped an arm around her ribs, which were still pretty sore. So she found a bottle of painkillers, grabbed a bottle of brandy and then settled down on the couch. She washed a few pills down with the burning liquid, straight from the bottle, and then pulled a cigarette and lighter from her pocket. After lighting one she tossed them onto the table, took a long, painful gulp from the bottle and then coughed until her lungs ached just as much as the rest of her.

“Fuck everything,” she growled angrily, forgetting why she had gone sober to begin with.

Ymir continued to drink until most of the bottle was gone. She passed out on the couch before she could drink more or have any more cigarettes. A long few hours later Krista arrived, and when no one answered her knocks she had to let herself in using the extra key.

“Ymir?” Krista asked, worried. Her heart began to pound when no one responded. She quickly dropped her bag by the door and hurried through the house, checking the bedroom first and the lounge last. Ymir was fast asleep, clutching her stomach and looking as though she was in pain. Krista noticed that her knuckles were split, and fear crept up her spine. “Ymir!”

The brunette did not stir, even when Krista pushed her onto her back and diligently expected every inch of her body. This time it seemed that she had been the attacker, and Krista drew in a sharp breath before sighing in relief. She went to get the first aid kit and bandaged Ymir’s fist, all the while allowing the brunette to remain asleep. The bottle and cigarette buds were ignored for now. Ymir reeked of the stuff, though.

Eventually Krista had to wake her, and she did so by shaking her shoulder. “Ymir, wake up.”

Thankfully Ymir’s eyes cracked open, but they didn’t look alert. They were glossed over, blurry. Ymir sat up, yawning and stretching. She swayed lightly, and when she noticed the blonde and smiled lazily.

“Krista!” she exclaimed happily, eyes almost falling closed. “I missed you,” she slurred.

Krista could smell the alcohol on her breath. Ymir was still dead drunk, and Krista frowned deeply. “Ymir, what happened to your hand?”

Ymir swayed some more and then just collapsed onto her back, pulling Krista with her. She wrapped her long arms around Krista’s small body and laughed long and loud. “Fuckin’ Berik fuckin’ trying to be a smartass,” she said. Her words were almost too slurred to understand. “I fuckin’ clobbed ‘im one!” She laughed again, so amused with herself.

Krista relaxed against Ymir. “And you came home to get drunk?”

“’as sen’ home by that asshat Stark.”

Krista cringed. “Were you fired?”

“Nah.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay, that’s good. So Berik said something and you hit him?”

Ymir nodded. “Hard!”

“Ymir, you shouldn’t have done that. He could press charges if he wants to.”

“Well I’ll press his fuckin’ face.”

Krista lifted herself to look into Ymir’s glossy brown eyes. Ymir looked back, slightly more alert now than before. However, Krista saw something in her eyes that she had never seen before—fear.

“Krista?” Ymir asked softly, eyebrows drawn together. Her hold on Krista tightened.

“What’s wrong Ymir?”

“Please don’t leave me.”

Krista froze. Ymir really was drunk out of her mind. But what was bringing this emotion on? It couldn’t have been because of hitting Berik. “I won’t,” Krista said. “I promise.”

Ymir’s face flushed as she smiled, and she pulled Krista upwards so that she could kiss her. Krista pulled away, nose scrunching. “Ymir, you taste disgusting.”

Ymir pouted. “I wanna kiss you,” she whined.

“Fine, but go and shower first, okay?”

Ymir shook her head but did not attempt to kiss her again. Instead she brushed their noses together, intertwined their hands, and then smiled. “I love you,” she muttered softly. It was clear that she was barely aware of her words. “Fuckin’ love this midget.”

Krista blushed and her heart swelled in her chest. Even though she knew Ymir was only admitting this because she was drunk, she knew that it was an honest admission. It made her more than simply happy.

“Alright, you big softie, let’s get you cleaned up and sober.”

Ymir grumbled but obeyed and let Krista help her to the shower. She stumbled all the way, laughing when they almost tumbled over. Eventually she was tossed into the shower and laughed as Krista removed her clothing.

Despite being amused by Ymir’s drunken behaviour, Krista’s hands shook. She couldn’t shake the feeling that this wouldn’t be the first time Ymir would be scared. It made her gut tighten. 


	12. Chapter 12

A month passed by without incident. Ymir healed well from her injuries, both physical and emotional. She had begun drinking again, but only faintly, and Krista had caught on before the addiction was allowed to stick.

Berik had decided to back off, and was smartly less chatty these days. Thankfully Ymir hadn’t been fired, and since Berik no longer antagonized her, Ymir’s job was no longer hanging in the balance. The brunette still felt like she was receiving odd looks from people, but otherwise the month had calmed down. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Ymir and Krista were currently in Ymir’s kitchen, covered in flour. Instead of ordering a pizza, Krista had suggested that they make one together instead. At first Ymir had been weary of the mess it would make, but eventually caved in when Krista batted her long lashes.

There was no way she could ever resist that look.

As Krista continued kneading the dough, Ymir leaned against the counter to watch her. She enjoyed the strain on Krista’s face, and how it caused her blonde brows to slightly rise and pull together. Her tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth, pink and vague. Ymir smiled and rubbed a hand over her cheek, forgetting that her hand was full of flour. She cursed softly and used her other hand to wipe it away, but cursed again—it was just as covered in flour.

“Ymir, why are you quietly swearing to yourself?” Krista asked. She sent a look over her shoulder, blonde hair falling over her back. Her long lashes batted, blue eyes almost glowing below them. Ymir felt her heart shudder and she sucked in a breath.

With a large grin Ymir pulled Krista from her task and picked her up to set her up on top of the counter.

“What are you doing?” Krista asked curiously.

“You have a little flour on you,” Ymir replied, grinning.

“No I don’t.”

Ymir lifted her hand and ran a finger down Krista’s cheek. “Oh, would you look at that? Now you do.”

“Ymir!”

The brunette chuckled and leaned forward to run her tongue over the area, cleaning it up of flour. She resisted the urge to cringe, and instead continued on down to Krista’s neck, sampling the flushed skin there. She enjoyed the way Krista tasted, and wanted to slip her hands underneath her shirt. However, they were too messy.

“Forget the pizza,” Ymir husked, teeth grazing over Krista’s earlobe. “I’m hungry for something else.”

Krista sighed softly and pressed her hand to the back of Ymir’s neck, urging her to continue. “You’ll be hungry and complaining later,” she warned.

Ymir didn’t care. “I don’t care.” Really, not one bit.

She lifted Krista and carried her to the room, hands pressed to her back to keep her from falling. When they made it to the room, Ymir quickly rushed to the bathroom to rinse her hands off. When they were clean she returned, but she paused by the doorway.

Krista was lying on the bed, on her stomach. She was bare. Ymir followed the dip of her spine to the tantalizing slope of her backside. Her skin was milky and smooth, and Ymir walked to her to touch it. With a finger she caressed Krista’s skin, and then she joined her on the bed. Softly she kissed her shoulder, fingers and lips both travelling down Krista’s spine to the base of it.

Krista moaned softly, face pressed against the blanket. She released a sigh when Ymir’s fingers ventured to her thighs, which she happily parted.

“You really are insatiable,” Krista stated.

“I never had that phase as a teenager,” Ymir admitted. She quickly discarded her shirt and bra, and quickly ripped her jeans off. While she was busy Krista flipped onto her back, and she immediately leaned forward to press a kiss against Ymir’s bare stomach.

“Your muscles are looking more defined,” she observed, tracing the lines with her tongue and fingertips.

Ymir shuddered and swallowed. “W-well, I’ve been going to the gym again, so…”

Krista giggled at her girlfriends stuttering. She sat up and gave her a deep kiss. “You are adorable when you’re flustered.”

Ymir scowled, but soon forgot to keep up the appearance when she was on her back, Krista’s mouth working fervently on her own, tongues waging a battle of wills. Krista’s hands wondered, too, and Ymir let her do absolutely as she wished.

And when they were done, Ymir was fast asleep. She was on her back, head tilted towards Krista, mouth wide open as she snored. It wasn’t all that attractive, but Krista did find it cute. She wasn’t asleep. In fact, she had been awake the entire time.

Sometimes after their sexy moments together Krista enjoyed merely laying and watching her. Ymir’s face was always freed from its constant scowl or frown when she was asleep, and to see the peace there was heavenly.

Krista adored it. She adored Ymir.

With a gentle smile, Krista leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Ymir’s warm cheek. The brunette didn’t stir, and Krista scooted up close to her, wrapping her arms around her. She showered light kisses over her face, hand running through her hair.

“I love you so much,” she uttered softly.

Ymir was fast asleep, and she didn’t hear a thing.

XxX

The next day Ymir found herself going to the grocery store with Krista. After their failed attempt at pizza, Krista had announced the need to restock on food. Apparently Ymir was running out. At least she had the blonde with her, because despite the drastic changes she had undergone, she still wasn’t very talented in providing for herself and had no idea what she would need to buy.

They were by the meat section, Ymir patiently strolling behind Krista with the trolley as the blonde went about picking out what was needed. She had already selected most of the meat, but she was stuck between two different brands of chicken breasts, and she hummed softly under her breath as she looked between the two.

“What?” Ymir asked. “Just take one.”

“Yeah, but…” Krista chewed on her lip. “I don’t want chicken that died unhappy.”

Ymir snorted. “I don’t think they were all that happy about becoming our food, babe.”

“I mean like, I need to know that the chickens were cared for properly.”

“What difference does it make?”

Krista looked up at Ymir. Ymir looked bored, eyes half lidded as they always were. At least she was engaging in conversation, but Krista could tell that she really didn’t care about the chicken and she was just mentioning it to get a kick—or she was getting irritated and wanted to leave soon.

“It makes a difference to me,” Krista said, eyes fierce.

Ymir shrugged then, accepting defeat. She ran her eyes over the mince, steak and various other packaged meat around them until eventually Krista chose one and placed it neatly into the cart. They carried on, going through each aisle and picking out what was needed. After Krista collected all of the cleaning products for the kitchen, they were all about done.

“I still can’t believe you never used Jik in your house before I came along.”

Ymir snorted. “I never had a blonde midget to clean my house before you came along.”

Krista feigned offense but then she giggled and lightly bumped Ymir with her hip. “Come on, all we need is cereal and then we can head home.”

Ymir grunted in agreement and followed Krista to the cereal section. She chose one of the chocolate ones, while Krista stuck to All Bran and Corn Flakes. With that done, they headed over to the cashiers. They found one with a small line, and stood at the back of it.

“So when did you become housewife extraordinaire?” Ymir asked, eyeing the trolley packed full of household food items.

“Well,” Krista started. “Even though I live with my parents, I live alone. So I asked the maids to teach me how to clean. I have a bathroom in my room, and I clean it myself. I think it’s good practice for when I move out one day.”

“Practise? You’ll be the queen of the house when you move in.” Ymir paused, eyebrows drawing together and a frown on her lips. An uncomfortable weight settled on her heart, and she regretted having made the comment.

Krista’s own heart skipped a few beats. It was the first time Ymir had mentioned anything of their future together, and to know that she secretly wanted her to move in made Krista beyond happy. But Krista could see that Ymir had slipped, so she smartly avoided commenting.

“Oh look, the line is moving fast!” She smiled and placed a hand on Ymir’s, a silent plea for her not to panic. Ymir smiled back in return, though it was weak.

They piled the items on the counter and after everything had been scanned through, Ymir paid and then they left. As soon as they were in the car, Ymir reached over and took Krista’s hand in her own.

“You’re cool, you know that?” the brunette said. It was her way of thanking Krista for not making a big deal of her slip.

Krista pulled their hands up to place a kiss against the back of Ymir’s hand. She smiled sweetly, winking. “For you? Anytime sweetheart.”

Ymir rolled her eyes but found that she was smiling more genuinely now. She started the car and drove them back home, keeping Krista’s hand in her own. It was the only time she could touch her little girlfriend outside of her flat, and it was pleasant.

But as they stopped by a red robot, Krista’s phone suddenly blasted to life and she yanked her hand out of Ymir’s. Ymir sent her a hurt gaze, but covered it up with curiosity.

“Damnit, I forgot to put it on silent,” Krista cursed. She looked over the caller I.D and cringed. “It’s my father.” After a large inhale, Krista answered the call. The traffic light turned green and Ymir turned forward to continue driving them home. “Hello?... Yes, father… No, father… But… okay, I understand father…. Okay…. Okay… Goodby—” She sighed and lowered the phone. “He just ended the call,” she said softly.

Ymir could see the tension in her girlfriend’s shoulders and she grew concerned. As they parked in Ymir’s spot, she turned the car off and turned to the blonde. “You okay?”

“Yeah, he just told me to get home right now.” She seemed confused more than scared, and stared at her phone with furrowed brows.

“Do you want me to take you?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll take the bus. Let’s just quickly take the groceries inside and then I’ll head out.”

Ymir nodded lamely and unclipped her seatbelt. They collected as much of the plastic grocery bags as they could from the trunk, and then wobbled up the stairs to Ymir’s apartment. While Ymir unlocked the front door, Krista headed back down to grab more bags. When she reached the floor again, she paused upon noticing that Ymir hadn’t stepped inside. She was staring into her apartment, eyes wide with fury, lip clenched between her teeth.

“Ymir?” Krista’s heart shuddered in fear. She approached slowly and placed the bags down with the others. “What is it?” Hesitantly she stepped up to Ymir’s side, and then she looked into the flat. Immediately Krista gasped, hands going up to cover her mouth. “Oh no.”

Ymir swallowed shakily. “My door was unlocked,” she said. She pointed and Krista noticed that it had been kicked open.

Inside Ymir’s belongings had been tossed to the floor. Furniture had been flipped over, the TV was shattered on the floor. In the kitchen, all of the cutlery and contents of the cupboards had been thrown out. The floor was just covered in broken wood and glass, and to make it worse, on the wall to their left someone had spray-pained in large, bold red, “DYKE BITCH”.

Ymir clenched her jaw. She could feel Krista shivering beside her, and when she cast the blonde a look, her heart sunk.

“Krista, no, it isn’t your fault.”

Krista shook her head, tears spilling over her face. She turned and bolted for the stairs, taking them two at a time as she ran. Ymir chased after her, but lost her when she left the staircase. Instead of calling out for her Ymir cursed loudly. She kicked a nearby trashcan over, body still thrumming with anger since the moment she pushed her door open.

She was about to walk away, but huffed angrily and picked the can up again. She then stomped back up to her flat and entered with her fists clenched tightly.

The image of the two men that had assaulted her a month before filled Ymir’s mind, and she cursed loudly underneath her breath. All she could do was bring the groceries inside and find a clean portion of floor to place them on. After that, she spent hours cleaning.

XxX

The next day Krista stood outside of Ymir’s door, trembling. She was in uniform, and was supposed to be at school, but had skipped. Her lip trembled badly, and with a quick intake of air, she unlocked the door with the extra key and lightly pushed it open. Krista felt slight relief to see that the door had been repaired. Ymir must have called someone to do it the day before.

When she stepped inside she noted that the mess had been cleaned. The only thing that remained was the horrid words on the wall. It looked like Ymir hadn’t touched it yet.

Krista lightly closed the door behind her and dropped her bag down onto the floor. The couches had been ruined by someone cutting them open with a knife, and she cringed at the sight. They had been expensive, and it was painful to see how someone had ruined it. The TV was also gone, and Krista wondered if Ymir had sent it in for repairs or had simply thrown it away.

In the kitchen on the counter sat a bottle of new brandy and a small shot glass. Krista’s heart pained at the sight, and she wondered if she would find Ymir hung over.

How she found Ymir, however, was not expected at all. She was approaching the table when she heard a rush of footsteps, and then she turned in time to see Ymir freeze by the doorway, cricket bat held tightly above her shoulder. She looked like she had just been about to swing it, and she released a long breath.

“Jesus, Krista,” she said, lowering the bat. “I almost just killed you.”

Krista pressed a hand to her chest, and then she ran into Ymir’s arms and gave her a tight hug. “I’m so sorry Ymir!” she exclaimed, tears filling her eyes.

Ymir leaned over to put the bat on the table and sighed. “Don’t apologise, unless you were the one that fucked my home up.”

Krista sniffled and shook her head, giggling lightly. She pressed her face against Ymir’s chest and inhaled her clean scent. “Were you in the shower?”

“I just finished when I heard the door. Thought it was a thug or something. Next time call me before you sneak in.”

“Sorry.”

Ymir kissed Krista’s forehead. “Quit the damn apologising already. Are you hungry? I have leftover KFC from last night.”

Krista realized that she had left the house in a rush and hadn’t had breakfast, so she nodded and stepped away from Ymir so that the brunette could get the food and warm it up.

“Ymir, did you drink yesterday?” Krista asked. She wiped the remainder of her tears away.

“No. But I wanted to.” Ymir shoved the box of chicken into the microwave and set it for one minute. She cast Krista a look. “Are you skipping again?”

Krista wanted to come up with some lie, but found that she had no energy. “I… I’m being bullied,” she admitted, eyes cast downwards. “I didn’t want to go to school.”

Ymir’s eyes softened and she pulled Krista into a hug. “Who’s bullying you? I’ll kick their ass.”

“Someone at school saw me with you, I think. Now the popular girls are calling me a dyke, and saying that I'm dating a creepy old lady.”

Ymir laughed. “They aren’t far off.”

Krista looked up at Ymir with a frown. “You aren’t an old creepy lady!”

Ymir lifted a hand to caress Krista’s cheek. “But I am a twenty-six year old adult sleeping with a minor,” she said seriously.

The microwave dinged and she left Krista to collect the box. She didn’t bother with plates and carried that, as well as a small bottle of coke from the fridge, to the lounge. Krista followed her.

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Krista argued. “I know what I’m doing. You aren’t manipulating me into your bed.”

Ymir chuckled as she sat down on the couch. It was damaged, but still intact enough to sit on. At least the coffee table hadn’t been damaged. Ymir happened to like it. She dropped the box onto the table and pulled Krista down beside her.

 “Krista, no matter how many reasons you give yourself, other people are still going to see it as me molesting you. That’s just how our reality is right now. You knew this when you confessed to me. I knew this when I kissed you.”

Krista furrowed her brows. She accepted a piece of chicken from Ymir and then absently nibbled on it.

Ymir was right, of course. Krista had known the risk. She wished that she could just skip a few years and be eighteen already, because then her parents wouldn’t have a say over her, and no one could call Ymir a paedophile. She hated that the girls at school made sick assumptions and insulted Ymir without even knowing her.

The call from yesterday suddenly rang in Krista’s ear, and she remembered the clipped and urgent tone her father had used with her. Never had he called her home before. Did he know that she had been by Ymir? How, though?

“Are you not hungry?” Ymir questioned. She wiped her hands off on a serviette, and waited for Krista to look her way.

Krista noticed that she had stopped eating, and she nodded slowly, putting the chicken back in the box. “Actually, I suddenly don’t feel hungry anymore.” She swallowed and wrung her hands together.

_“Historia, where is it that you disappear to?”_

_“J-just to the library, father. In town.”_

_“And if I have someone follow you, will they find you at the library?”_

_“Yes, of course.”_

_“Do not lie to me, child.”_

_“I’m not lying father.”_

_“Very well. I’ll take your word for it.”_

The conversation had happened before Krista had even confessed to Ymir, and she suddenly realized why she had been getting hard stares from her parents lately—why they seemed less inclined to be in her presence, and why those men had attacked Ymir. Her eyes widened, and with a gasp she looked up at Ymir.

“What?” Ymir questioned. For having her house broken into, Ymir appeared frighteningly calm.

“Let’s leave together,” Krista blurted. Ymir just stared at her. “Let’s go to the next city, just for the weekend. We can get a hotel room, have takeaways or something. It’ll be fun.”

Ymir caught the panic in Krista’s tone. “We can’t just up and leave. I’m not your guardian.”

Krista looked to Ymir with watery eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Ymir felt uncomfortable. “I do, but leaving is just…”

“Please. Just… let’s go now. Pack and go away for the weekend.”

Ymir studied Krista’s face for a long moment. She waited to see if this was some joke, but the urgency in Krista’s eyes told her otherwise. She did not have a good feeling about it, but she found herself nodding before she could shoot the idea down. Being in the house made her sick—knowing that strangers had been in here, breaking things that weren’t theirs. It made her stomach churn.

So she nodded, and with Krista becoming excited, she packed a small bag for them and took the blonde to her car. She just hoped that this wasn’t a mistake, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not get the sick feeling to leave her stomach.


	13. Chapter 13

They had been at the hotel for the entirety of Friday and now at Saturday night, Ymir was becoming increasingly agitated. She had just returned from getting take-away Chinese for them, and Krista was lazing around on the bed in nothing but a towel, remote in hand and eyes glued to the crappy old TV.

Ymir noted the ease with which Krista held herself, and she bit lightly into her tongue to keep herself calm. Krista had promised to explain herself, but had yet to do so. Whenever Ymir attempted to broach the subject, Krista would quickly come up with something new to do or talk about. Ymir afforded her the time, but now she was growing worried and frustrated.

 _I kidnapped her,_ Ymir thought to herself. _I took a goddamn teenager out of her home city away with me, without permission. Fuck. If I get the police on my ass, I swear to god…_

“Food,” Ymir announced tonelessly. She dropped the bag of food onto the wobbly table close by the bed, and then dropped into the nearby stained couch.

Krista perked and scooted closer to the table. She didn’t look at Ymir, though she could feel the angry glare directed at the side of her head, and pulled a box of noodles out for herself.

“Did you get fortune cookies?” she asked tentatively.

“No, I didn’t get fucking fortune cookies.”

Krista flinched, moving away to sit at the edge of the bed. She quietly snapped her chopsticks apart and then began eating the noodles—at least they were delicious, momentarily taking her mind off of the stress steadily eating away at her.

Ymir watched her but eventually grew bored—and hungry—so she snatched her noodles and dropped back down onto the couch, eating wordlessly. Neither of them spoke afterwards and finished their meals without even having shared a glance.

Krista’s heart ached. “Ymir…” She didn’t know what else to say. Any sort of conversation she started would be stale and forced, and she hated the way Ymir gave her accusing looks, as if to say ‘you’re the one that’ll get me locked away for good, you little shit’. She sighed and rubbed at her eyes.

“We’re leaving,” Ymir suddenly stated. She stood to collect the take-away boxes they’d accumulated along with anything else, and dumped them all in the dirty dustbin to the corner of the tiny kitchen.

“Wh-what?” Krista stood too, knees shaking. “We still have until tomorrow!”

“I shouldn’t have brought you here in the first place,” Ymir said. “But you fluttered those goddamn blonde eyelashes and my mind went blank. How am I supposed to know why the hell I’m even doing this if you won’t explain it to me? I’m your partner, Krista, and despite our dynamic, I am the adult here.”

Krista sighed and looked to her feet.“I just… was scared, okay!”

“Scared of what?”

Krista’s head snapped up and she caught Ymir’s hard stare. “I think…” Her hands shook lightly, and she gripped at the towel around her torso. “I think that my father is responsible.”

Ymir caught the blonde’s shivering and sighed to herself. She retrieved some clothes and went over to Krista to give them to her. “Get dressed,” she said. “I can’t take you seriously when you’re naked.”

Krista felt her mood lighten slightly and did as Ymir told her. While the brunette took a seat on the bed, Krista hurriedly pulled her clothes on. Ymir watched, but Krista felt no embarrassment at having those honey-brown eyes roam over her skin. After she was clothed she took a chair from the table and set it down in front of Ymir, and then she sat down on it.

“I’m sorry,” she uttered firstly, hands clutching at the fabric of her pants.

“Just explain your thoughts to me. I don’t want your apology.”

Krista took a deep breath. “I think that my father sent those men after you, when you were attacked. If he did, then he sent them again, or someone else, to vandalize your house. He probably knows about us.”

Ymir’s eyes narrowed. “How would he know?”

“I don’t know. Someone started a rumour at school about me and I’ve been bullied for a while now, like a told you.”

“Why’d you hide it from me?”

Krista shrugged. “Not your problem, right?”

Ymir sighed and reached out to gently touch Krista’s cheek. “What would I do if I lost you, huh?”

Krista leaned into the touch. “Nothing bad will happen, but maybe I should stay away from you for a bit.”

Ymir did not like the idea, at all. “No,” she said.

“But what if my father sends someone to hurt you again?!”

“I’ve been going to the gym, I can handle it.”

“And what if they want to kill you?”

Ymir drew her arm back and rolled her eyes. “They were probably some fuck-buddies of Berik. The prick has had it in for me since the start. I really don’t think that it’s your fault.”

Krista’s face flushed in frustration. “You aren’t listening to me! I mean it! My parents have been acting so weird around me lately. You don’t know what my father is capable of, and I’m too scared that he’ll do something to you.”

“Stop being so goddamn self-absorbed. Not everything revolves around you.”

“I only care about you!” Krista yelled, desperate for Ymir to see her point and to believe her. She was so scared to go home, so scared to step back into the house that she lived in with the people that she feared. How could Ymir not get this?

Ymir rubbed at her chest where it began to ache—right above her heart. She stood suddenly, arms flying up. “Then maybe you should never have spoken to me in the first place!” she yelled.

Krista could only watch Ymir’s back as the brunette left the room, slamming the door behind her. She could not fathom why Ymir had reacted so strongly, and simply broke down into a sobbing mess. She crawled onto the bed and pressed her face to the pillow, shoulders shaking with the tears she had been holding in for months.

XxX

Ymir cursed under her breath as she trudged down the wet, creaky stairs. There was a bar nearby that she had noticed, and with her hands shoved into her hoody pockets, Ymir made her way there. She ignored the noise within when she stepped into the building and went straight to the bar, asking for a glass of beer. When it arrived, she gobbled it down greedily.

The place was as dirty as it looked outside, but it seemed that it was mostly filled with teenagers. Whether they were there legally or not, no one seemed to care. In the corner there was a table surrounded by a bunch of girls, and looking at them reminded Ymir of herself when she had been that age.

A lanky redhead with a permanent sneer had her long, pale arm draped over a shorter blonde. The blonde looked out of place—perfect hair, make-up that made her too attractive and a pretty dress that didn’t belong in a bar. But the look in her eyes screamed of defiance, and just by glancing over into them, Ymir knew that the girl was born to go to places like these, despite not looking it on the outside.

Ymir ordered another two beers and nursed them this time, not as eager to drink as she had first been. The initial burst of anger had faded, and now Ymir merely shook. She was scared—so scared that Krista was right, because what if she was arrested? There was no telling what evidence Krista’s father might have collected, and Ymir knew that a simple denial wouldn’t get her out of this one.

As much as she tried to convince herself that jail was her _only_ fear, it wasn’t. More than that, Ymir felt an ever approaching sense of loss. It was as if the universe was telling her to brace herself for it, but she didn’t want to listen. Though her fingers shook as she clutched at the glass, she did not want to give in and believe that Krista would leave her, or be taken from her.

 _She’s the only good thing I have right now,_ Ymir thought. _I love her more than I should._

Krista had done what others had never dared to. She had given Ymir her heart, and taken one in return. Ymir was terrified of having to watch Krista step on her heart.

The teenagers in the back became rowdy, all yelling and making sexual slurs. Ymir didn’t turn to look at them, but the more they carried on, the quicker Ymir began to drink.

After an hour she asked for something stronger, and then she gave in to the turmoil taking over her head.

XxX

Krista was in bed when Ymir finally stumbled back into the hotel room. She quickly sat up, turning the bedside lamp on, and watched as Ymir collapsed onto the too-small couch.

“Y-Ymir? Where were you?”

Ymir burped loudly and then kicked her shoes off. “Leave me alone,” she slurred, voice thick and harsh.

Krista visibly flinched this time, and pulled the blanket up to her chest. “Ymir? Are you drunk?” There was no need to even ask. It was obvious that Ymir was too drunk to even function, and she had already probably passed out on the couch. Krista’s heart felt like it had just plummeted into her stomach, and she grappled desperately for some semblance of calm. Where was the strong Ymir that she knew and loved, the one that would rush to comfort her? “Ymir?”

There was no answer, and shortly after Ymir began to snore.

Krista rested back down, switched the light off and stared at the ceiling. This was the first time in months that Ymir had ever been _this_ drunk, and knowing this did nothing but lull Krista into a horrified, nightmare filled sleep.

XxX

The next morning it was Sunday. Krista woke after Ymir, and despite the brunette having an awful hangover, she had gone out to have breakfast by herself and then she had taken the liberty of packing all of their stuff into the car. Krista found her in the parking lot, sitting by the curb smoking.

“You’re smoking again?” she asked, frowning.

“Yeah, so?” Ymir responded. She took a long drag of her cigarette and then released the cloud of smoke from her mouth.

Krista fidgeted, unsure of what to say. Was Ymir mad at her? She couldn’t tell, and most of her wanted to be just as upset. Ymir was acting beyond childish, and ignoring the problem wouldn’t make it go away.

“How long is this going to carry on?” she asked, voice hard.

Ymir didn’t even look at her. “What are you talking about?”

“Are you just going to drown yourself in alcohol and smoke, to pretend that your problems don’t exist?”

A string of smoke spilled out from Ymir’s nose. “Your problems, not mine,” she responded. Her voice had lost its bite, but now it seemed more lifeless. The fact that she was lower than Krista, as well, made the blonde feel like her lover was losing her grip on her emotions.

“Please don’t do this, Ymir. Let’s work together.”

Ymir snorted and puffed on the last of her smoke. “Should’a thought of that before you hid stuff from me.” She threw the cigarette bud to the ground and crushed it underneath her heel.

“Is that it? Are you angry at me for not talking to you?”

Ymir stretched and finally turned to give Krista a look, and it wasn’t an impressed one. “Keep making yourself feel like everything revolves around you,” she said. “I’d like to get home now and hopefully not have the police at my door.”

As she turned to head to the car, Krista caught the shift of emotion from emptiness to fear in Ymir’s eyes. It let a spark of hope in her chest ignite, that maybe Ymir was really just struggling with how to handle the implications of everything that had happened. That possibility was better than the one Krista had believed up until now—that Ymir was simply mad at her for bringing drama into her life.

They got into the car, and Ymir lit a new cigarette after starting the car. Krista was tempted to grab it and throw it out of the window, but feared that Ymir wouldn’t react affectionately. For now she simply opened her window and sighed into her palm.

The ride would be long, silent and painful.

XxX

Ymir didn’t want to act like a moody bitch—she really didn’t. But her logical mind kept telling her how much Krista was to blame. Sure, a lot of the blame was on her too, but she was too angry to really admit that. She was surprised and slightly concerned to realize that she felt no guilt for the way she was treating Krista. Maybe the little shit would learn from the experience.

Ymir continuously argued with herself during the hour drive back. It wasn’t entirely Krista’s fault, since Ymir _had_ been the first to kiss her. She wasn’t even sure _why_ she was angry, but she knew it was directed at Krista.

The closer they came to reaching home, the tighter Ymir’s stomach became. It was partly due to the urge to vomit, compliments of last night’s drinking, and partly due to the worry of what waited for them.

Ymir didn’t have long to find out.

When she stopped in her parking spot, where her name sat embedded in a silver plate in the concrete, she sucked in a harsh breath and very nearly vomited there.

What Ymir assumed was Krista’s father, stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. He had a pair of small glasses perched on his nose, and long, blonde hair that almost went to his hips—tied up, of course. His shoulders and arms were bulky, and for being a business man, he sure looked a lot like the boss of a gang.

Krista felt her world freeze, and she immediately looked away when her father’s hard gaze landed on her. She didn’t want to get out of the car, but he lifted his hand, finger curling towards him, indicating that she go to his side immediately. She shot Ymir a look, and she felt relieved to see _her_ Ymir look right back. The brunette looked just as frightened, but masked it up quickly with defiance and uncaring. She was the first to step out of the car, and Krista followed her with a shudder of fear.

“F-father,” Krista uttered, voice a little too high. “What are you doing here?”

The man’s eyes narrowed threateningly, and he whipped his gaze from Krista to Ymir, where his look then turned deadly. “You are Ymir, then?” he asked. His voice was just as deep as Ymir had expected.

Ymir folded her arms across her chest and leaned against her car, shrugging. “I don’t see anyone else that could be Ymir.”

Krista’s father exhaled loudly, as if he was using every bit of will to control his anger. He did not seem as calm when he turned back to Krista, and when he unfolded his arms Krista flinched.

“We will speak at home,” he told her harshly, “I expect to have your full co-operation.” He turned to Ymir. “And if I find my daughter in your clutches again, expect to see the police at your door.”

Ymir’s eyes widened slightly, but other than that she refused to react to the man’s words. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, saying nothing.

Krista swallowed and she swore that her heart was about to stop from the terror alone. She knew that the moment she stepped inside of the house her father would not be as restrained. But there was nothing she could do, and after sending Ymir a helpless look, she went to her father’s side. He grabbed her upper arm harshly, fingers biting into her sensitive skin. She resisted a cry of pain.

He pulled Krista with him to the car nearby, and Ymir felt panic fill her as she watched. Krista sent her a look, and Ymir attempted to send her a reassuring look, but it didn’t work.

Krista disappeared into the car, and then Ymir was left standing alone by her car, wondering if the love of her life would be okay. She was sure that she would see Krista again, and when she did, she would apologise.

 _I need to be in this with her,_ Ymir thought. _We can’t be divided like this._

The car had long since disappeared down the road, and with it, Ymir’s hope.

XxX

Ymir really thought Krista would sneak into her apartment during the week, or when the weekend came around again. But she didn’t. There was no sign of the little blonde, and Ymir was too scared to try her cellphone. She was distracted at work, which concerned Mr Stark greatly. He gave her a few days off, and Ymir spent them in the park feeding breadcrumbs to the birds.

It was cold. There was just a few more weeks until December, and Ymir felt like crap. Among every other emotion, her guilt had consumed her. She regretted her actions and words at the hotel, and wished that she had tried to talk calmly with Krista, instead of shun her and push the issue away. Now there was no telling if Krista was okay or not.

Weeks went by since Krista had gone home, and Ymir became increasingly depressed. She tried not to drink too much, reminding herself that she didn’t want Krista to find her drunk when she eventually did come back. But it was difficult.

She sat at the bar across from work, staring lifelessly into the golden liquid that warmed her insides. The bartender had become used to her presence every night, and he sighed lightly as he watched her take a large sip.

Against his better judgement, he went over to her, tossing the rag he used to clean the counter over his shoulder. “Hey, you okay?” he asked.

At first Ymir didn’t hear him, and it took a few repeats for her to eventually look up to meet his gaze. She furrowed her eyebrows. “Me?”

“Who else drinks here this late during the week?” he asked.

Ymir looked around at the mostly empty bar, and then shrugged. “What do you want?”

“Just wanted to ask if you’re doing alright. You come here often now.”

Ymir snorted into her glass as she took another sip. “My girlfriend disappeared and I was an asshole to her before she did. I don’t even know if she’s alive or not,” she admitted. She paused in surprise at herself, and wondered if she was perhaps too drunk already.

The bartender seemed just as surprised as her, but cleared it up by rubbing the hair on his top lip. “You try calling the police?”

At that Ymir laughed. “Really? I’d end up getting arrested then.”

The man’s eyebrows drew together. “I don’t understand.” He was concerned for the customer, but now wondering if he should be concerned for the girlfriend instead.

“None of your business anyway,” Ymir shot at him. She downed her beer, threw money onto the table and then headed for the door, waving over her shoulder.

“Drive safely!” the bartender yelled after her, and his only response was a slurred curse and then a middle finger. He shook his head, sighing, and removed the cloth from his shoulder to wipe the beer from the counter.


	14. Chapter 14

Ymir sat listlessly on the bench, leg shaking irritably as she lazily dragged on her cigarette and argued with herself to drink. An unopened bottle of booze sat on the seat beside her, and she had yet to show interest in opening it. But her interest was growing, and every so often she would look over to glance at it.

It was Tuesday, and she was supposed to be at work, but Mr Stark had insisted that she get home and rest, yet again—she looked pale and tired, as well as unkempt.

Ymir hated that her life seemed to be falling apart, but she could barely concentrate when all she could do was worry about her little girlfriend, and hope that Krista would come back to her one day. The more days that passed by, the larger the fear became—that Krista wouldn’t come back, that Ymir would be alone again, with no one to love and care for.

Sighing, Ymir threw the smoke to the ground and killed it underneath her boot. She heard footsteps beside her, and looked up to see a pair of uncomfortable eyes trained on her. Ymir’s eyes narrowed, and she grabbed her bottle as if to protect it.

“What do you want?” she spat, voice thick with venom.

“Um,” Berik answered, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Can I sit down?”

Ymir snorted and rested back on the bench, not planning on answering. But Berik sat down anyway, as far away as he could, and coughed lightly into his fist.

“This is awkward,” he said.

“Then leave,” Ymir growled. Her fingers began to pick at the top wrapping of the bottle, itching to simply tear it off.

Berik sighed, like his problems were all that mattered. “Look, I wanted to apologise.” Ymir didn’t comment, so he continued. “I was approached by some rich dude, and he asked me watch you. He was paying me damn well for it, too, so I thought ‘what the hell’. I ended up getting a job where you worked. I knew about you and that girl.” Though he felt uncomfortable, Berik refrained from commenting on his thoughts on _that_ matter. “What I’m trying to say is that, it was fucked up for me to take up something like that. You’re a bitch, yeah, but I never thought that anyone would hurt you. I’m sorry for that.”

Ymir pulled a fresh cigarette from her pack and noted that it was the last one. She put the bottle between her thighs, keeping it securely there, and lit the end of her smoke. Inhaling deeply, she spread her arm out on the backrest of the bench and sighed.

“I don’t care,” she said. “People do anything for money.”

Berik blinked. “Do you forgive me?”

Ymir didn’t hesitate. “No.”

Now Berik allowed more emotion onto his face, reddening slightly in anger. “Ymir, please. If I knew…”

“You’d have still done it,” Ymir supplied casually. “I don’t care what your motives were. You’re a shitty fuck. I don’t want your damn apologies and I sure as hell don’t want _you_ feeling sorry for me.”

“You really are a damn bitch! I’m trying to apologise here! To atone for my sins.”

Ymir snorted. “Yeah, just so that the money you took doesn’t make you feel like shit when you use it, right?” Ymir pressed her lips against the bud of the cigarette and then whirled around, grabbing Berik by the shirt. He flinched and lifted his hands, but quickly stilled them when Ymir took her cigarette from her mouth and held it up to his face. “Burning your ugly mug would sure make me feel better,” she sneered, eyes hard.

Berik studied her face. He really regretted his actions, because he could see that the woman before him, who was already unstable to begin with, was falling apart. It made him sick to think that his actions had made someone suffer _this_ much. But she was still an asshole, and with a huff he slapped Ymir away from him and stood.

“I may still feel like shit, but at least I can ease my mind my knowing that you deserve the shit that you get!” he turned on his heel and left, teeth and fists clenched. He regretted having tried.

Ymir simply watched him go, lightly puffing on her smoke. A moment later she finally opened the bottle, and it wouldn’t be long before she finished the entire thing on her own and then stumbled drunkenly home.

XxX

A good few days later, on a rainy Thursday morning, Ymir was preparing to go to work. She hadn’t been drunk in a few days, and was considering cutting down a little. If Mr Stark continued to force her into staying at home, then she wouldn’t be able to pay her basic bills. Eventually he would just fire her, and that was one thing that Ymir really did not need in her life, considering where her mind was most of the time.

She was exhausted beyond belief, but needing to get out of her flat. The place felt like it was suffocating her, and no amount of alcohol could take the presence of Krista from the place. It drove Ymir insane.

As she moved out of the bathroom, towel over her shoulders, Ymir heard a distinct buzzing. It was her phone on her bedside table, and with hesitation she went over to it to pick the phone up. She did not answer it. The caller I.D gave her pause, and she sighed heavily as she watched her phone panic until it went silent, almost solemn.

“Leave me alone,” Ymir muttered softly, eyes half lidded. She tossed the phone onto her bed, not intending to take it with to work. It rang again, insistent and annoying. Ymir ignored it. “I told you to leave me alone, didn’t I?” Ymir growled to herself, mood officially dampened. She managed to pull a basic outfit over her body, and continued to ignore her phone until it ceased its fourth ring. This was the first time that the person calling had persisted more than twice, and Ymir would be lying if she didn’t acknowledge the fact that a small part of her wanted to hurry to the phone and call back.

 _What can she do, anyway?_ she thought to herself. _Nothing. She’ll just give me her serious crap, like always._

Feeling considerably worse than when she had woken, Ymir grabbed her keys and wallet and made for the lounge. A can of beer caught her attention and she swooped down to pick it up, grateful to feel the weight within. However, as soon as she lifted the tin to her lips, there was a tentative knock on her door.

Ymir knew that knock. Her entire body ceased, heart constricting and then racing far too quickly. Blood rushed to her head, and slowly Ymir dropped the can back down onto the table. She remained frozen, emotions plummeting through her. It was difficult to sort through her rushing thoughts, but one out of all of them stood out the most.

The door clicked behind her, indicating that someone had taken the extra key and unlocked it. Ymir turned slowly, a lump forming in her throat. She was not emotionally prepared for when she saw Krista standing in her doorway, clad in a school uniform, eyes cold and faraway. Despite the dark circles underneath her eyes, and the shine gone from her hair, Krista still looked absolutely breath-taking to Ymir.

Neither spoke at first, and Krista seemed almost pained to stand there. She wasn’t sure if she was allowed to enter, and she hadn’t looked up at Ymir yet. She couldn’t bring herself to—not with knowing why she was there.

Eventually Ymir did speak. Luckily her voice was far calmer than she actually felt. “You’d think that you would be taller now,” she said. “But you’re still short as ever.”

Krista almost flinched at the words, but not the remark. Hearing Ymir’s voice set her heart ablaze with both love and pain. She bit into her lip, tears threatening to spill.

“Come on,” Ymir pleaded softly. “You haven’t seen me in months. The least you could do is look at me.” She hated how soft her voice was. She wanted to be upset—infuriated that this little brat had just abandoned her, and that Ymir had been so dependent on the girl that now her life was falling apart without her.

Krista swallowed the thickness in her throat. Tears burnt her eyes so painfully, and finally, when she tilted her head and cast Ymir a sorrowful gaze, her heart absolutely broke. “Ymir…” she uttered, broken.

Ymir took a step forward. “Where have you been?” she asked. “I missed you.” _Be mad, damnit. Tell her what a fuckwad she is. Tell her how shit your life has been without her! Made her regret it. Make her feel like the biggest piece of shit ever. Do it!_

But Ymir just could not muster the strength to bring out all the emotions. Her body felt numb, heavy. If she took a step she might even simply tumble to her knees. After so long, Krista still looked so beautiful. After so long, Ymir felt like she could finally breathe again, and realizing this terrified her.

“I’m sorry,” Krista uttered softly, eyes once more glued to a stain on the carpet.

“Sorry?” Ymir furrowed her brows. She felt desperation claw up her throat. “It’s, uh… it’s okay, really! Would you like something to drink? We can talk in the lounge, yeah? Just… just come in and sit down.”

Krista shook her head, her fringe sweeping into her face, hiding her eyes. “I’m sorry Ymir, but I can’t.”

Ymir’s heart almost stopped. “ _Can’t?_ ” This time her voice rose slightly, and the little control she had was slipping away.

Krista nodded. “I didn’t come here to catch up.” Her voice drained of all emotion, like she had rehearsed this so many times it no longer hurt. Ymir wondered if she had just learnt how to put a mask so well into place that no emotion bled out into her expression.

“You disappear for months, come back out of nowhere, and you’re telling me you aren’t here to _catch up?_ ” Ymir clutched at her chest. “Please enlighten me then, Princess.”

Krista flinched, finally showing that she was still a feeling creature, able to comprehend emotion. She quickly put the mask back into place, and when she lifted her face to meet Ymir’s eyes, hers were cold—like ice that seared right through Ymir’s very core.

“We can’t see each other anymore,” Krista said firmly, hands trembling. “I have taken this time to think over everything. You were right when you said that what we are doing is wrong. I’m too young, you’re too old. People won’t be able to look past that, and it puts your life in danger.”

Ymir felt like she couldn’t breathe. “Is this really something _you’ve_ decided?”

Krista didn’t answer, but her silence was answer enough. “I came here to end things with you. I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused.”

Ymir’s eyes widened, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak. All her emotions rushed at her, and she felt like her entire body was thrumming with the force of her panic, anger and desperation.

Krista couldn’t take the silence or the memories that seeing Ymir brought back to her. She hated that she had been made to do this and hated that she had not been strong enough to resist. She turned slowly, but paused when Ymir called out for her to stop, strangled.

“Krista, please…” Ymir stumbled closer until she paused right behind Krista. “Don’t leave me.”

Krista felt cold tears fall down her cheeks. “I already have.”

Ymir sucked in a deep breath. “Don’t you fucking leave me!” She pulled Krista against her, arms wrapping around her torso. “I’m begging you!”

Krista struggled, frightened and angry. She managed to shove Ymir off—the brunette’s hold hadn’t been that strong. Ymir crumbled onto her hands and knees, staring down at the floor with a broken expression.

“You can’t leave me,” she whispered. “I need you.”

Krista’s chest constricted. “Ymir, I’m sorry…”

Ymir’s head snapped up, tears falling from her eyes. “How can you say sorry when you made me trust again?” She was yelling. More than likely her neighbours would wonder out to see what the commotion was about. She really needed to calm down, but couldn’t control the level of her voice. “You made me fall in love again! For once in my fucking useless life, you made me feel like I was worth something!”

Krista couldn’t believe that Ymir was admitting to this. She had never realized the depth of Ymir’s emotions, and sorely regretted the things that had happened up until now. But there was no way to change things, and all she could do now was to hurt Ymir cleanly, so that the brunette could move on quicker, heal faster. Giving her hope would only lead to disappointment and unnecessary heartache.

“I’m not your mother!” Krista yelled back, eyes wet with tears again. “It isn’t my job to validate your existence! The only one who can do that is you, Ymir! It isn’t fair for you to put that on my shoulders! I’m only a damn kid!” She turned her back on Ymir, fists clenching. “It was only a stupid crush, anyway!” Her voice was so loud that her throat ached, but her heart ached more, and she wouldn’t allow herself a break. “So accept that we’re breaking up, and grow up on your own!”

“How can you even say that? Krista, I fucking love you! Please don’t—Krista? Krista!” Ymir stood and bolted after the blonde, vision blurry through her tears. Of all the things, she had never pictured herself stooping so low as to chase after a teenager, crying and yelling and terrified of losing the only thing she cared about.

A limo sat idling by, and Krista quickly disappeared within. The car drove off quickly, but Ymir ran after it, arms waving, shouting Krista’s name, tears unrelenting on her skin. Twenty minutes later she collapsed on the sidewalk, wheezing and sobbing.

“Of all the things,” Ymir choked out, arm thrown over her eyes to hide her tears, “I never expected to let someone in so far.”

No one stopped to see if she was okay, and eventually Ymir dragged herself back to her flat. She immediately called Mr Stark and collapsed on her bed.

“Ymir?”

“I quit,” Ymir stated simply.

Mr Stark choked on what had apparently been his breakfast. “Ymir, what the fuck—?! ”

“I’m quitting,” Ymir interrupted. She couldn’t even bring herself to sound irritated. “I’ll fetch the stuff from my locker whenever.” She didn’t wait for a response and threw the phone to the floor after ending the call.

Ymir curled into a ball in the centre of her bed and hid her face against her pillow. If only her shoulders would stop shaking, and if only Ymir had never learnt how to cry again, because now it seemed like she didn’t know how to stop.

XxX

Ymir had fallen completely back into her old ways before meeting Krista. All she did was drink and smoke, and she barely left her flat. Mr Stark attempted to contact her, and had even tried to break through her front door. Nothing worked, so he resorted to contacting the only person that he could think of.

Weeks went by, and eventually Ymir found herself on that bench, clutching at the vodka. Thinking about the ordeal hadn’t been the best idea, but it at least helped her feel more at ease with her decision to leave.

Ymir wasn’t originally from the country—in fact, her family lived a great deal a distance away. Mr Stark had contacted her sister, Nanaba, and Ymir had been convinced to return.

There was nothing left keeping her here, anyway. Ymir had avoided her problems for so long that she had forgotten that they were even there. Though Nanaba should have been rightfully angry, the blonde had just been happy to see her after so many years. It was the care and worry in Nanaba’s eyes that Ymir had clung onto, and it was that that had lent her the strength that she needed.

Sighing, Ymir decided not to act on her impulse and drink. She lightly set the bottle down on the bench beside her, frowning.

“Maybe one day we’ll meet again,” she whispered softly. She hated how wistful she sounded and immediately pulled a cigarette out. Nanaba was waiting for her, she knew. They were leaving for the airport. Ymir had already packed her flat up, and all she needed to do now was throw herself into the car and then they could leave. But she had felt a need to visit the park one more time before she left for good.

Ymir finished her cigarette slowly, eyes half closed, empty and glazed. She stared out at the park before her, barely really taking anything in. She struggled to care, and eventually she stubbed the cigarette out on the bench, and then she left. Before she crossed the street, she paused one more time to look at the bench. The vodka had been expensive, but she had no need for it. Where Ymir was returning to, she wouldn’t be allowed to waste herself away. Maybe she’d even get her head right.

With one more sad gaze, Ymir finally left, ready to discard everything that had happened and start new somewhere she’d originally tried to escape from.

And an hour later, a small blonde collapsed against the bench, panting and choking back tears. Krista had run here, and when she saw the vodka, a small part of her knew. Though she had decided to fix her stupid mistake, to rush back and apologize, it was too late.

Krista touched a finger to the bottle, shivering lightly at the coldness of the touch. Where had Ymir gone?

“Why did you leave?” she asked softly, rubbing at her eyes. “I was wrong, I’m sorry.”

But it was far too late for apologies, and even later for goodbyes.


	15. Chapter 15

Epilogue:

* * *

**Eight Years Later**

* * *

Ymir pondered on her breakfast, undecided between something simple and something complicated. Eventually she gave up the notion of cooking for herself, and grabbed her car keys from the kitchen counter. In times like these, restaurants came in handy.  There was a nice place nearby that made the best waffles Ymir had ever tasted, anyway.

As the brunette locked her front door, she spotted her neighbour, and grinned lightly as the attractive woman eventually noticed her too.

"Ymir!" she exclaimed, eyes darkening as she blushed. "You're up early today!"

Ymir slung her laptop bag over her shoulder and wondered over to the gate, where the other woman had all but climbed atop it.

"Early is my middle name. You just sleep like the dead and wake up when you snore too loud," she teased.

"Don't be a meanie!" the woman exclaimed, pouting.

Ymir chuckled. "There's somewhere I want to be, actually."

"Oh yeah, you've lived here before, huh?"

Ymir nodded. "A long time ago. I've been meaning to go there since I moved back."

"It's been six months. You're just lazy."

Ymir rolled her eyes and then reached out to mess the woman's hair. "I've got history there."

The woman grew serious. "You mentioned that when we first met," she sighed. "That you can't date others, because of history that you have."

Ymir lightly flicked the woman's forehead. "I'm just not into you Sasha. Anyway, I'm heading out for breakfast before I visit my past. I have to get to work at ten, so I only have a few hours.”

"Aw, alright. Take me out for breakfast some time!"

Ymir chuckled and waved over her shoulder as she left, but her smile dropped, and a slight nervousness crept into her stomach.

How would she feel, seeing that bench again?

XxX

Breakfast had been pleasant. Ymir had made many friends since returning, so her meal wasn't a quiet affair. The many women that had met her approached her table to chat, and Ymir was grateful for the company. Even the waitress knew her, and Ymir got away with quite a few dirty jokes, and even a butt pat here and there.

Women were just drawn to her dark looks, especially after she had gotten her life back into order. Her tan was darker thanks to more hours in the sun. Her eyes held more playfulness than scorn, and Ymir could honestly smile again. It had taken a lot to pull herself out of her destructive behaviour, but she had done it, with help and with the love of her family.

So Ymir now held a job that paid well, and she had been able to buy her own house—she no longer needed a dingy flat. Ymir ate as healthy as she could, cheating here and there to enjoy greasy pizza, and she worked hard to adjust her attitude. Step on her wrong and she would still bite, but she was considerably calmer now. Age did that, apparently, since she was now thirty-four.

Time had flown by so quickly.

After paying for her meal and wishing everyone a good day, Ymir drove slowly to the downtown part of the city. She recognized most of the area, surprised that it has barely changed, even more surprised that she had once lived here. She couldn't match her present self with her past self, and took a moment to reflect on the hard work she had put in to change for the better.

The park now had a parking lot build into the corner of it, making it easier for visitors. That was the only real difference. Ymir parked there and confidently climbed out of her car, exhaling slightly.

Memories washed by, but all of them pleasant. The bad ones no longer held any weight in her mind. It felt more like something she had just seen, not experienced.

"It's been too long," Ymir spoke softly, as if talking to the trees. She smiled when a soft breeze went by, closing her eyes to enjoy it.

_I wonder how Krista is doing._

Ymir left the safety of her car's company and walked the familiar path down to the bench. She did not expect to see anyone here so early in the middle of the week, but someone was there. At first Ymir didn't recognize her, but when she paused by the bench, hands clenched and heart pounding, she knew.

Warm blue eyes turned curiously towards her, and then they widened and clouded over in shock. Her blonde hair was shorter than Ymir remembered, just below her chin. Those eyes, cold in Ymir’s last experience of them, now filled with warmth and relief.

_It’s as if she was waiting for me,_ Ymir mused to herself, stepping forward.

Krista stood, and Ymir couldn’t believe how much taller she was. Everything about her was older—as it should be, since she was twenty-four now. She came to Ymir’s chin, and the very air she held was kind and mature. Ymir swallowed.

Krista said nothing. No regret or pain showed on her features, only relief and happiness. She stepped forward and pulled Ymir into a hug, silently saying everything she had needed to say for all these years.

Silently, Ymir held her back.

It was almost as if they were transported back to December, back to the time before they knew of heartache. Time hadn’t changed their feelings, and Ymir held on tight.

Krista felt tears prickle her eyes, and she inhaled sharply. “I’ve missed you,” she uttered softly, voice faint but warm.

Ymir smiled. “I missed you too.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank each and every one of you for reading! I hope that you enjoyed the story, even though it is rushed and not as well written as it could have been. I did have fun with it, but my skill is definitely not with sad, tragic stories. I couldn't resist giving them some sort of happy ending. My kokoro needed it. Look at that, I'm such a weeb. Anyway, the journey has finally come to a close! I will now be posting a new story, Demon I Have Become, so look out for that! I love each and every one of you readers, so thank you for reading/commenting/bookmarking/kudos. I appreciated all the support ^^


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